Younger

- Okay, that was nice. - I know.

I have never been this sexually in sync with someone before.

It's like, you know exactly what buttons to press on my body

without me ever having to tell you.

You know, I usually have to be so verbal in bed.

Don't you agree? That we're sexually in sync?

And that's why that I decided last night

I am ready to be gender monogamous.

Monoga-what now? With me?

Yes, from this point on,

you'll be the only woman that I sleep with.

Aw, you make me feel so special.

But you know, at this point in your life,

you really should keep your options open.

Why, when I have all the woman I'm ever gonna want right here?

You know, you remind me of myself when I was your age.

I was always crazy in love with someone.

And usually the wrong one.

But you need to learn to protect your heart.

But why?

It's not like you protected your heart.

You put it right here.

Who's Belinda?

Were you very, very much in love?

Okay, okay, enough snuggling.

I get it. I get it.

It hurts too much to talk about.

Don't worry. I'm very patient.

You can tell me tonight. Dinner?

Can't have dinner tonight. I got to work late.

Oh, yeah, you know what,

I actually might have to work late too.

So just drinks, then.

Do you ever take no for an answer?

No.

Okay, your outfit is totally killing it today.

Especially those boots.

Thanks!

Wait, I don't look like I'm trying too hard, do I?

No, you look like, "I woke up like this."

Except, you know, you brushed your teeth.

Wait, are you nervous about the Jade Winslow pitch?

Yeah, I'm literally freaking out, Liza.

Jade Winslow would be the perfect first author

for "Millennial."

Her fashion blogs get more hits

than every single Buzzfeed list combined.

She could make or break a new designer,

and she's only 25.

Liza!

Don't let the Trout reel you in.

Don't worry, I'll jump off the hook quickly.

Liza!

At least I'll try.

I'm not sure if you're aware,

but Charles is getting the coveted Oprah Award

at the Women in Literature Luncheon

for his charity, Books Into Buildings.

Oh, is that an architectural foundation?

No, they use recycled pulp from unsold books

to build schools for girls in Nigeria.

Or is it Sierra Leone? Find that out!

Okay.

I have been given the prestigious task

of introducing Charles at the luncheon,

and I intend to shine.

So set up a cut, color, mani-pedi, full wax:

North Pole, South Pole, and the equator.

What about the Panama Canal?

I'm not a porn star, Liza!

Hi, Diana.

Jade Winslow's here, and I could really use Liza.

Liza's busy.

Actually, I was thinking

that you could sit in on the meeting too.

We really want to land this author,

and your marketing expertise

could totally help seal the deal.

I'm sorry; do I look like I'm made of time?

Give me five minutes.

Ah, Kelsey, darling, how are you?

My love!

Liza, this is Redmond, Jade's agent,

and I must say he's the best in the biz.

She's exaggerating. But she isn't.

It's so nice to meet you.

Ow! You clawed me.

Jade, we're so excited to have you here.

- I'm a huge fan. - Give her a sec.

She's just wrapping up a Twitter feud with Karl Lagerfeld.

It takes him ages to respond.

You know, 'cause of the gloves.

How do you say "power bottom" in German?

Bueckstueck.

All right, let's go.

My book is going to do to the Meatpacking District

what "The Jungle" did to the meatpacking industry.

Okay, the beauty business

is teeming with fake-ass sycophants,

and I'm planning on bringing the worst offenders to their knees.

Okay, so you can think of my tell-all

as, like, "The Devil Wears Prada" but, like, on speed,

only there will be no thinly veiled references in my book.

Okay, if I'm talking about "Vogue,"

like, I'll just say, "Vogue."

Right, to the flack in the room that's worried about libel,

just don't be, okay, because these lips

and these lips, they don't lie.

That's quite a vagina monologue.

I heard that, Ann Taylor Loft.

She has the ears of a wolf.

Ann Taylor Loft? Hardly.

This is Alexander McQueen.

Not the turtleneck. Not the boots.

"Millennial" is perfect for this, Jade,

okay, both from a strategic and editorial standpoint.

No one is better capable of integrating

your already established online presence

with our youth-based branding and social media expertise.

Yes, we'd really love to discuss

some marketing strategies...

I'm sorry, but "marketing strategies"

sounds like something a sad dad

would have on his Linkedln page.

Okay, just, like, talk to me, all right?

Why you?

I mean, are you cool?

Yes, yes.

We are very, very cool.

Get me out of here.

Sorry to cut this short, but we've got to skeedads.

Scrivener is waiting for us at Polo Bar,

and it's Jade's favorite place to not eat.

Redmond.

- I want this book. - Everyone does.

There's a bidding war.

If you want to get in the game, go in high...

sky high.

- We'll be in touch. - Okay.

I've never been so sure a book is going to be a best seller.

I say we should go all in.

Shit.

What?

Shut the door.

Oh, my God. Is that his...

Wow. Don't touch it.

This is incredibly embarrassing for Charles and for Empirical.

Other blogs are already starting to pick it up...

There is a... A small matter

that I need to talk to you about.

- We know. Not small. - We've seen it.

I don't know what to say.

It was very humid,

and the fabric on those shorts was very thin.

These things happen.

There's no need to explain yourself.

I can assure you, we will get it off.

- Down. - Down.

- Really? - Yes.

That would be just...

Thank you.

- Get it offline now! - But how?

I don't know. That's your job.

Go!

I once dated a guy who was hung like a horse.

Yeah, he was only, like, 4 feet tall

and had this tiny little torso,

so when it got hard he could, like, rest his chin on it...

You know, like, "The Thinker."

- Ew. - No, it was hot.

Good thing the perv that runs that site owes me.

It'll be down in five.

Thank you so much for helping me with this, Lauren.

I didn't even know where to start.

Listen, okay, all I ask is

that you put in a good word for me

with that goddess roommate of yours.

Okay, because she's playing hard to get and it is really...

- Uh-oh. - What?

No, no, no, we got to pick up the pace.

It just went up on two more sites,

and oh, God, it has a name now.

What are they calling it?

The Empiriconda... accurate.

Every time Lauren gets the Empiriconda off one website,

it pops up on another.

Whoa, I don't understand how he walks,

let alone runs runs the bases, or, quite frankly,

why he even needs a bat, damn.

Remember the good old days

when you could take an embarrassing photo

without fear that it would be posted

on a worldwide platform for millions of eyes to see

where it could feasibly exist until the end of days?

Why do you think I still own a Polaroid?

I thought you were off that.

I have a secret stalker account.

You know, to spy on enemies and old flames.

Whose page are you looking for?

- The infamous Belinda? - Mmhmm.