Witches of East End

Is that Joanna Beauchamp?

What's she doing here?

Evening, Joanna.

Heading to the big engagement party?

Calm down, Ollie.

It's okay.

Come on, let's go.

Corrections by honeybunny

Freya, come on, let's go!

We're gonna be late!

I know, I know.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I hate this dress.

I should change, shouldn't I?

- I better go change. - Stop it.

You look beautiful.

Plus, you've already changed five times.

If you do it again, I might have to smack you.

Why am I so nervous?

It's your engagement party.

Of course you're nervous.

No, no, it's not that.

I just... I feel off.

I had the strangest dream last night.

There was this guy, and I never seen him before,

but I felt like I'd known him forever.

And then he kissed me, and... the world exploded.

That is a classic anxiety dream.

You're worried about getting married, it's a big step,

so create a dream scenario about the perfect guy

who doesn't actually exist.

But I'm not anxious.

I know Dash is the one.

I love him so much.

I don't want anyone else.

Which is why I am so freaked out.

You know about me and my dreams.

You're not psychic. I might be.

I can read auras. That's not a thing.

Scoff all you want, but I know I have the gift.

You only have one superpower, and it is your breasts.

Mom! Mom!

Where were you? Scared the crap out of us.

In the car waiting for you.

You look beautiful.

I can't believe my baby's getting married.

Mom, it's an engagement party, not a wedding.

Come on, we have to go.

So am I the only one who finds this completely exhausting?

And it's not even our wedding.

I will marry you in Vegas tomorrow if you want.

Really?

Wherever, whenever.

Aw.

Oh, and by the way,

I forgive you.

For what?

For being a half an hour late tonight.

People were starting to look at me funny.

I wasn't half an hour late.

You are always at least

15 minutes late for everything you do.

Five minutes.

Did I mention you're worth the wait?

Hi, Mom.

I was wondering where you got off to.

Hmm.

Mm. Oh, look at that.

Why don't you come back into the party.

This is such

an interesting dress, dear.

I like how you just put it all out there,

and screw what other people think is appropriate.

I really do appreciate all you're doing for us.

You don't have to be so generous.

Oh, it's nothing.

I want us to be close, dear.

I never had a daughter.

And I was always hoping that when Dashiell married,

that she and I would have

the relationship I always dreamed of.

Yes, I would love that.

Good. I hope we can.

I just have to say,

I know that you were raised in, well, a certain way,

you know, through no fault of your own,

and I would really like

to help teach you about etiquette and-and style

and all the other things that you never had a chance to learn.

But we can talk about that later.

I'll take you to lunch,

and we'll go shopping.

I'll find you a bra that actually fits.

Ooh, that's wonderful! Look at that.

I hope you choke on it.

Mom? Are you okay?

Hey.

Dude...

Don't call me "dude."

You'll never believe what I just did.

I made Dash's mother choke, with my mind.

Is she okay?

You're totally missing the point.

Am I?

Ingrid, she basically called me

a poor townie with bad taste and no manners,

and then I wished for her to choke, and she did.

So...

So I'm pretty sure there's no way

that could just be a coincidence.

Then you don't understand statistics and probability.

I don't need to; I have powers.

Choking powers.

Congratulations?

Oh, my God.

Ingrid, it's him.

Who?

The guy from my dream.

Okay, that guy is fairly hot.

Are you blushing?

This can't be happening.

It's not.

You are experiencing something called illusory correlation.

You had a dream about a hot guy,

and now you see a hot guy,

so you retroactively turn him into the guy from your dream,

so you can say the dream is prescient

when it's really just a coincidence.

You think everything's a coincidence.

Because most things are. Come on, Ingrid!

First Dash's mom and now this?

What's your explanation?

I would say you're losing it

due to wedding stress. I need a drink.

Stop.

Creepy, right?

Yeah.

Extremely creepy. Sorry.

Didn't mean to startle you, Mrs. Beauchamp.

Dash.

Come on, we're at your engagement party,

you're marrying my daughter; you can call me Joanna.

Of course.

Joanna.

You know, it's-it's actually the man who built this place

back in the early 1900s.

Archibald Browning.

You heard of him?

Yeah, he was a real son of a bitch.

So I've read. He...

No, I mean, he was into some weird stuff.

That's for sure.

I mean, the architecture of this place,

it's, uh, well, it's unique, I'll give it that.

The restoration process was certainly a challenge.

Well, you did a spectacular job.

Thank you, Mrs. Beauchamp.

Sorry. Joanna.

Please forgive me.

I... yeah, I grew up with a lot of rules.

Well, you should know that my daughter does not like rules.

And if you tell her to do something,

she'll do the opposite.

That's what I love about her.

Well, you've only known her for a few months.

Check back with me in a year

when you're ready to strangle her.

I'll have a gimlet.

Dirty martini please.

Ingrid. Adam.

Hey. You look great.

So good to see you.

So, um, this house is incredible, huh?

I've never actually been inside. Yeah.

Did you know there are all these tunnels and secret rooms

where they used to have ritual animal sacrifices

and sadomasochistic sex orgies

with people writhing around naked,

covered in goat blood?

Um...

I wrote a dissertation about it. Oh.

About witchcraft and occult practices

in post-Revolutionary New York.

Not about... goat orgies.

Right, um... Thank you.

Uh, sounds cool.

I'd love to read it sometime. No, it's not that good.

Plus, I've been a little blocked for the past few...

years or so.

Oh, that's too bad. But, you know,

I'm sure you'll figure it out.

So, I was sorry to hear about you and Emma.

I always liked her. Wow.

Bad news travels fast, huh?

It's a small town. Yeah.

Anyway, i-it's okay.

She wasn't really that...

Smart?

I was gonna say "nice" but...

Right. She also wasn't that smart.