Family Guy

Episode 14 - HBO-No

All right, thank you very much.

Guys, great news.

My uncle just died,

so we can use his HBO Max password

until they cancel his credit card.

HBO? Is that the one with The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel?

No, you watch Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

where you also go to buy sweatpants and cat food.

Let's start with Game of Thrones,

which aired eight seasons and was beloved by America

for six-and-a-half seasons.

Sorry, Lady Lotsaclothes, it's not happening.

I shouldn't have had that entire elk for lunch.

That's okay, Jon Yellowsnow.

You know, this has been happening a lot

after your week in Mykonos.

Should I try using the Timothée Chalamet mask?

Could be worth a shot.

It's a raven from my twin sister, Queen Hearsay.

She says her friend told her that the king is dead.

That's hearsay.

Oh, this one just says, "Girl, you trippin'."

That's so raven.

It's time.

I must go to King's Landing

to stake my claim as the true and rightful heir

to the iron throne.

Be careful, Jon Yellowsnow.

I will be handsome, and that will be enough.

Ah, Joe the Broken.

I haven't seen you in a fortnight.

Yeah, I've been playing Overwatch lately.

-Where you headed? -I'm going to King's Landing

-to take the iron throne. -No way.

You're a pretty rad dude, Jon Yellowsnow.

Yeah, I'm a white guy with a Jheri curl, so I have to be.

-Mind if I come with? -Why should I bring you?

Because I can warg. Check it.

Ooh, that felt so good.

I have this cool power,

but I'm not positive how to use it yet.

Now that King Dad's dead,

I want to sit on the iron throne.

Now, don't be too hasty, Joffrey,

you're fourth in line

behind your brothers Jumpen, Fallum and Splat.

-Aah! -Jumpen!

-Aah! -Fallum!

-Aah! -Splat!

As you are the new king,

I will be whispering far too close to your ear,

and you should know that I have a special brooch that I wear.

That's my character. So, if you need a brooch,

I'll, uh, I'll be here.

Thanks, Lottafinger.

Always good to have a brooch guy.

Hey, whose leg do you have to hump

to get a Dornish wine around here?

What's Uncle Doggian doing here?

-I don't like him. -Neither do I,

but he is the paw of the king.

He's smart, so we need him.

I have two skills: I drink and I know things.

Oh, word? What things do you know?

-Like, so many things. -What's one?

War. Tons about war.

-What about it? -It's bad.

Like, really, super bad.

-Is that all you know? -No.

Front lines, flanking...

-planking... -That's yoga.

Uh, I think it's both, but we can broach that subject later.

Hmm? Somebody say brooch?

-No, man. -Oh, no worries.

All hail His Grace, Joffrey of Houses Baratheon

and Lannister, First of His Name,

Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, and High Score on Mario Kart.

I am Jon Yellowsnow,

the one true king and rightful heir to the throne.

Who's this guy?

I'm Joe The Broken. I can warg.

No way, I love wargers. Show me.

I would, I just...

I don't really have to go potty right now.

I am Daenerys Targaryen, Mother of Dragons.

Is there a problem here?

Uh, no, no. No, uh, n-no problem, really.

I-I just didn't know the Seven Kingdoms had any, um,

strong, beautiful... persons of color?

Did I-did I get that right?

Well, we out here, literal baby.

Yeah. Right on. Good.

Man, you know, you should've heard me

the other day, I was-I was like--

I was alone, by the way, nobody heard me--

I was like, "When are the suits gonna make persons of color

a part of the show, a small part of the show?"

Joffrey, we have bigger problems than that.

The white walkers are on their way.

What? How do we know you're telling the truth?

Because they sent a very white walker ahead.

Excuse me, do you know if Costco has

any of those Tommy Bahama beach chairs left?

The battle's tonight, right? I wasn't being pranked?

The white walkers are approaching!

Battle stations!

Prepare for the most epic battle of all time

that nobody will see because it's too dark,

and we'll say it's because they have bad TVs.

Everyone! Fire!

- What happened? - He's dead.

He's alive!

He's dead again.

All sorts of, trust me,

very expensive and groundbreaking effects.

Oh, my God.

Hey, hey, hey. Stop. Stop.

That's us. That's us.

Stop, man.

- They're giving up and running away.

Well, the important thing is we all survived

and won the battle against the people that can't die.

Don't worry, guys, I'm gonna be a great king.

What are you gonna do that's so great?

I will make it illegal to say,

"My trainer kicked my butt this morning."

That's pretty good. Anything else?

I decree that you may post your wedding photos once.

That's it. Everyone has anniversaries.

That's for you. It's private.

Also, Fleabag was fine.

Oh, I loved Fleabag.

It was fine.

Well, that's the story of Game of Thrones,

and you can watch it on HBO Max.

And, hey, while I got you here,

why aren't the Real Sex episodes on HBO Max?

It's part of the catalogue.

Dance with the pervert shut-in who brung ya.

Flat white for "Hold the Door"?

Hodor? That's me.

That was fun, huh?

Yeah, I love shows

where white people argue about who's in charge.

Then you're in luck.

The next show is called Succession.

This show is so popular that almost 6,000 people

in New York and Los Angeles have seen it.

-Surely you're joking, I mean... -I'm joking, yes, but not by a ton.

As you all know, I am the most powerful man in media.

But, like Bryan Cox, I can't find a sport coat that fits.

What up, dicks?

I cuss and I sit weird in chairs.

Now, I'm getting on in years here at P-Stream Industries,

and it is time I choose my succession.

But I feel great, and I probably got 30 years left in me.

But it's time for me to step away and give it to one of you.

None of you are getting this company!

But I need it to be one of you.

I'm ready to step up and pee on carpets if you need me, Dad.

Oh, you think you're ready, big shot?

Have you even seen Boss Baby once?

-You said it was scary. -Only one part.

Okay, I will see everyone at my birthday party tomorrow.

And remember, I need you all

to start fighting over the company,

but I will be here for a long time.

Man, I love this dad that we all hate.

Hello, Christopher.

I'm just gonna sit over here

while you quietly wonder which country I'm supposed to be from.

Happy birthday, Dad.

-Yeah! -Happy birthday, Pops.

Oh, I don't care about birthdays.

We brought gifts.

Yay, birthdays!

I'll remind you I still haven't decided who gets the company,

but that my decision will not be made

based on who gives me the best gift.

He-Man! You get the company.

Wait, open mine, Dad.

A Nintendo Switch. You get the company.

Wait, Dad, there's one more.

-What the hell is this? -I-I just figured,

you love helicopters so much,

maybe you could pretend you were one?

No. Clothes is boring.

This birthday stinks. Nobody gets the company.

Um, I accidentally took another carpet whiz,

so Lois says I have to give one of you the company.

I'll hear presentations at the corporate retreat next week.

Everyone, put rocks on your napkins.

There are no more rocks.

Okay, guys, guys, rocks are not, like,

a magic thing, all right?

It's anything heavy, is what the idea is.

-Now, welcome, successions.

I'm about to die, and I'm sharp as ever.

Let's start the presentations.