Young & Hungry

What the hell is going on out here?

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you?

I was trying so hard to be quiet.

I can't sleep, Sofia. I'm so upset about Josh.

You said time would heal all wounds, but it's not working.

It's been two hours.

Yes, but two hours feels like forever when...

the guy you like can't kiss you, and you're so confused and alone,

and all you want are answers, Sofia. Answers!

Hey, maybe the answers will come to you in a dream.

- Let's find out. - No!

How am I supposed to go to work on Monday and act like nothing happened?

I mean, what am I supposed to say to him? How can I even look at him?

Call in sick.

But then I can't see him.

Gabi, we're gonna have to pace out your angst, okay?

It's Sunday morning.

Early, early Sunday Morning.

We're gonna have so much time to talk about this.

Yeah, but... but what about on Wednesday when you and Jake

go to Florida for your cousin's quinceañera and I'm alone?

Who am I going to talk to then? Huh?

What am I gonna do then?

I'll just be a FaceTime away.

Any minute, any hour you need me, you're my girl.

You know you always

- come first with me. - (Door opens)

Oh, what would I do without you?

- Sofia. - Right here!

- Hey, Martina. - Hey.

You girls were just in here last week.

What's the problem, broken nail or broken heart?

- Heart. - Nail.

Do you think you can squeeze us in for a day of beauty?

Mija, if I could squeeze my tatas into this dress,

I can squeeze in anything.

- What do you need? - (Gabi) To be happy again.

Which starts with you helping me pick out a nail color for the quinceañera.

Yay.

What's wrong, chica?

What kind of problems can a young, skinny,

gorgeous white girl like you have?

- It's Josh. - Oh, here we go.

I mean, we finally get together and he can't even kiss me.

After a year of waiting? Nah, I don't get it.

Maybe you need a new look.

You know, some highlights, a blowout,

gel manicure with some pinky bling.

We happen to be having a special.

No, Martina. All the bling in the world isn't gonna get Josh over

- his commitment issues. - Aye, than I say forget him.

You know, there are plenty of other fish in the sea,

and you know how to catch one?

With some highlights, a blowout,

gel manicure with some pinky bling.

Did I mention we're having a special?

Okay, what's going on in there? Everybody keeps coming out giggling.

Oh. (Giggles) I'll tell you why.

We just put in a spray tanning booth,

and the vent connects to the therapist office above us,

so now whoever gets a spray tan can hear every word of the entire session.

That is a total invasion of privacy.

- Well... - I want to hear the details.

So last week I heard a man who wanted to know

what it feels like to be a woman.

So, after the session, I intercepted him

in the stairwell, and do you know what I offered him?

Some highlights, a blowout, a gel manicure with some...

- We get it, Martina. - Aye.

No, no, no, no. I got it.

Therapy. That's the answer.

Josh should go to that therapist upstairs to

deal with his commitment issues.

Well, I think therapy's a great idea,

but why would you want him to go to that one?

Then every woman in here would know about his problems.

Not every woman.

Just this one.

Can someone measure me?

I will! I will!

No, it's my turn!

So what do you need, baby?

Ah, need to rent a tux for Sofia's niece's quinceañera.

Oh! I said it!

Quin-cetar...

Nope. Lost it.

I gotta get this right. I'm meeting her whole family.

I've been practicing though with Rosetta Stone all morning.

- Check this out. - Mm-hmm.

Bonsoir, Madame Rodriguez.

- (Loud kissing) - (Speaking French)

- How's that sound? - Like French.

So I bought Gabi and I this deluxe couples massage

for tomorrow night, but after everything that's

- happened... - Oh, I'll take it!

Just because you're as big as two people doesn't make you a couple.

Fine.

You want it?

Come and get it.

Fine, we'll split it.

I'll leave the tip, you hand in the coupon.

If you can find it in there.

Hey, is that Gabi?

Do I hear Gabi? Aye, there she is!

Um, I've been waiting for you all morning.

Not that I'm complaining. I mean, why would I complain in any way?

You're the most awesome, understanding woman, nay, person, I've ever met.

How was your weekend?

Well, after the you-couldn't-kiss-me incident, it was sad,

but then it got un-sad because I figured out a way to solve our problem,

nay, your problem.

So did I.

So, yesterday I had the whole day to think about my commitment issues,

and how I could fix said commitment issues.

So, I did a search for commitment issues.

Here's what I got.

Shwa!

Wow. Impressive.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for that.

That was chapter three: Acknowledgment.

Wow, uh, you know what this shows me?

That you really want to help yourself.

- I do. - And I want to help you help you.

And I have a way to do that without all of this pesky reading.

How about a real, live person?

Someone who will listen to you,

and who will guide you, and...

This is a punch card for buy 10 manicures,

- get one free. - Ooh.

"Dr. Kenneth Stonehouse, Clinical Psychologist".

I hear he's great and he has a reputation

of getting to the problem and fixing it lickety-split.

- Lickety-split, huh? - Yeah, yeah.

It says so on the back of the card.

"Problems solved lickety-split". Mmm.

Uh, look Gabi, I really appreciate it, but I'm not a huge fan of therapy.

My mom's been going to therapy for 20 years,

and, well, you've met her.

Wait, wait, wait.

But... but she didn't go to Dr. Kenneth Stonehouse.

- Gabi, I hear ya. - And I wanna hear you!

Say that you'll go.

Tomorrow at 1:00.

You already made me an appointment?

I'm sorry, do you feel like I overstepped my bounds?

That's great. You'll have more to talk about.

And talk loud!

Uh, hello, why aren't your clothes off?

Um, so, do you remember when I told you I wanted to treat us both to some

- spray tans? - Yeah.

Well, what if instead I treat us to some light espionage?

- Gabi, you didn't. - I did.

Josh is about to walk in for his appointment any second.

Gabi, not only is this totally wrong, but it's bordering on illegal.

What? I did it for you!

Me? What are you talking about?

Well, if I came here by myself, I would hear all of this horrible information

and then I would come home, possibly in tears,

and you would be like, "What's wrong, Gabi?"

and I would tell you, and you would be like,

"Well, are you sure you heard him correctly?"

and then I'd be like, "Well, I'm pretty sure."

Now you can be totally sure. See?

Gabi, I don't want any part in this.

- (Voice 1) Come in, Mr. Kaminski. - (Gasps) It's happening!

So, what brings you here today?

Well, I keep having this recurring dream

where my girlfriend is smothering me with a pillow.

Oh, he thinks I'm smothering him?

- That's ridiculous. - Do you believe I have to stand here

- and listen to this? - Shh! Shh!

Sounds like a classic anxiety dream,

and it may signify deeper intimacy issues.

So how do I fix it?

Yeah, and how long is it gonna take?

Well, these issues usually start in childhood.

Sometimes it takes people years to resolve.

"Years"? Are you kidding me?

- That's not lickety-split! - Shh!

Hey, are you two listening to a new patient?

Do you want some popcorn and soda? I'm having a special.

Oh, my God.

That was 90 minutes of pure bliss.

Elliot, Yolanda.

It's important to hydrate.

Oh, honey, I just got a peek under Elliot's robe.

You can keep the water. I need whiskey.

But I thought you two were a couple.

A couple of employees using our boss's appointment.

Plus, I like guys.

She likes fries.

Well...

in that case, here's my card.

Call me anytime.

To book another massage?

Yeah, that too.

Okay.