The Invite

- OK. - OK. Here we go.

OK.

Hold on.

One more time.

Wait! Slower, slower, slower...

One more time.

- Uh-huh! - And then just one time.

Uh-huh.

And now the hard part!

No!

One, two, three, four, bam-bam...

- You got it? - Yes.

And now's the best part.

Yeah.

- OK, OK, OK... Ready? - One more time, together.

- Wait... Are you ready? - Two hands,

- and then... - Yep.

Yeah, perfect. Perfect. You can do it.

You're so flexible.

OK. OK. One more time.

Uh...

Yeah!

- Yeah! - Yeah...

I missed a bit.

One more, one more.

- Ugh. - Whoops!

One more time.

It's perfect!

That was great.

Great work.

Sounding...

Yeah, sounding really good.

Um...

Maybe, uh... play it a couple more times,

just for practice, but... good job.

Oh...

Stupid fucking thing!

OK.

No.

Come on... Oh!

Fuck me.

Shoes off, please.

Oh...

Will you please remind me why you got me this bike?

- What? - This bike. Why?

Core strength. Spine health. Remember what the doctor said.

You were supposed to fold it.

The whole point of a folding bike - it folds.

This thing is fucking impossible to fold.

Do you know how hard this is to fold?

It's supposed to be more convenient than a normal bike.

It's way less convenient than a normal bike.

Also, the wheels, they're so little.

It's like I gotta pedal four times

to get one normal wheel rotation out of it.

You have to practice, maybe.

Where's Maggie? Yo, Maggie!

No, she's not here.

- Where is she? - She's, uh... at a sleepover.

- Where? - At Sadie's.

I didn't know she was having a sleepover with Sadie.

Oh, it was sort of last minute.

Oh, God. Sadie is so strange, isn't she?

I don't know if it's good that she's hanging around with Sadie.

I mean, she's fine.

I called ahead. Sadie's mother is single.

There are no men or weapons in the home.

You called Sadie's mother to ask if she was single?

- Yeah, of course - "Of course"?

Sadie's fucking crazy.

Mm...

Whoa... holy shit!

My God, look at all this cheese!

No! No, no... Leave it, leave it, leave it...!

Not yet! Not yet. Not... Not yet.

What is all this? What is that...

- What is that smell? - I'm making a soufflé.

You're making a soufflé,

and there's 200 pounds of cheese?

Is there, like, an event? Are we expecting people?

- Our neighbors. - Which neighbors?

Our upstairs neighbors. I told you yesterday, remember?

You have mentioned

that for some insane reason you want to invite them over.

You for sure didn't tell me they were coming over tonight.

Why didn't you ask me about this?

I did.

Oh, did you, sweetie? When did that happen?

I told you yesterday.

Well, telling me and asking me

are actually two very different things.

And if I'm being honest, I... I don't even think you told me.

It's not like you listen to anything that I say anyway.

Oh, fuck, did you forget the wine?

- What wine? - I... I texted you.

I texted you about wine. We don't have any wine.

- What are you doing? Stop! - I'm eating a pickle.

I couldn't have any cheese. I'm hungry. I'm eating a pickle.

Now you're not gonna eat my soufflé.

And we have no wine. This is a nightmare!

- It's not a fucking nightmare. - What?

Nothing.

Can you please just clean up your office?

It's... It's just such an eyesore.

Can you please call the neighbors

and tell 'em to come another time?

- No. - "No".

It's too late. They're coming in ten minutes.

They're coming in ten fucking mi...

Why didn't you tell me any of this?

Because we've been talking about them coming for six months, OK?

And they've been so nice about all our noise

- from the renovation. - "Our" noise?

Did you just say they've been nice about our noise?

That's nuts!

You're making a soufflé for these people now?

- What is happening here? - She said she wanted to see it.

She just wants to see it now that it's done,

and she's very nice. They're very, very...

You know, they seem cool.

And she just... She has, like, presence, and...

She's so... She's so pretty.

Yeah, she's fine.

But he is a fucking weirdo, OK?

Every time I'm in the elevator with him,

it's, like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, nonstop.

- You know what I mean? - That's just what people do.

He's asking me questions,

and he wants me to ask him questions.

And the eye contact is off the charts.

Yeah. That's called a conversation, Joe.

What is this?

What? That's a rug.

- It's new. - Yeah.

Did you buy this rug because the neighbors are coming?

- Oh, my God! - How much was this rug?

- You are so predictable. - I'm predictable?

You bought a whole rug to impress strangers.

Isn't that a little bit more predictable?

I could've seen that coming a mile away.

Can we please do a reset?

A what?

Can you leave and come back in again?

- Is this from a podcast? - Yes, it is. Does it matter?

You physically want me to leave the apartment and come back in?

- Yes. Please do that for me. - No, it's fucking silly.

Joe, I'm asking you to just do that for me.

- Would that be OK? - Fine.

- I will do that for you, OK? - Great.

- Here we go. - Thank you.

Yeah. Thank you. This will fix everything.

- Hi, I'm home. - Hi.

Oh, how's it going?

- Great. - Cool.

Any, uh... Any plans for tonight?

Yeah. Uh, our neighbors are coming over.

Neighbors? Oh, man. I love them.

Especially how chatty and inquisitive they are.

It's so cool. They're super cool.

But maybe you could call 'em and ask them to come another night,

'cause I'm just not feeling up for it tonight, you know?

- No! - "No"?

- No! - What the fuck?

No. It would be rude. They're literally on their way.

- What do you mean, "rude"? - That's crazy.

- I thought we were gonna reset. - So did I.

- You said the same shit. - So did you.

Can we put curtains on this window?

I don't like how they can see right into our apartment.

No, I like the light.

I got this special ham, you know,

'cause she's from Spain, so, it's...

It's not actually ham, it's jamón.

I can't have any of this cheese?

Please don't eat the cheese. I worked so hard on that.

Can you just wait, and then they'll come,

and you'll eat cheese,

and then you can go upstairs and smoke weed.

I'd smoke weed in here if you let me.

No, I won't, because it gets stuck in the walls.

You know what?

I actually think it's really cool

that they're coming over tonight.

- Why? - Because...