Pillion

Daaaa...

A one, two, three...

Da, da, ba, da, da, ba, du-wa

Oh, oh, oooh...

If Santa passes by my stocking

I promise not to mind a lot

The only thing I want for Christmas

Is just to keep the things that I've got

Loving arms around me

A garden of forget-me-nots Forget-me-nots

The only thing I want for Christmas All I want for Christmas

Is just to keep the things that I've... go-o-o-ot...

Things that I've go-o-o-ot

Open your minds

Do or die I've gotta learn that auction cry

Gotta make my mark and be an auctioneer

25 dollar bid and then a 30 dollar, 30

Will ya gimme 30, make it a 30 bid, a 30 dollar

Will ya gimme 30, who will-a give me a 30 dollar bid?

Got a 30 dollar bid and then a 35

Will ya gimme 35, to make it 35, will ya 35?

Will ya gimme 5, 35 dollar bid

35 dollar bid and then a 40 dollar, 40

40, will ya gimme 40, make a 40 bid, for 40 dollar

Will ya gimme 40?

Who will gimme a 40 dollar bid?

40, 40 dollar bid

Got a 40 dollar bid and then a 45

Will ya gimme 45 to make it 45?

Will ya gimme 5? Sold that hog for a 45 dollar bid

Now, from the boy who went to school

There grew a man who played it cool

You, er, you ever been on a motorbike?

Oh, er, nah.

Never been with a biker then?

Me? A biker? No.

Have you?

No, I haven't, no.

Not my cup of tea.

So, er...

does your mum set you up with lots of guys?

Er, no. Actually, you're the first.

Oh.

Lucky me.

I need a piss.

Coming?

Joking.

Er, one more and then...

let's make a move.

Great.

Wey!

-Oh, sorry. Sorry, lads. -Chop, chop.

Who's next?

Hi.

-Erm... -What crisps do you have?

Ready salted. Salt and vinegar. Prawn cocktail.

We'll have one of each.

That's ?4.80.

-Ooh, yeah... -That's it, yeah. That's okay.

Nice, okay. One more?

Please.

Hello?

Hiya.

How was it, Col?

You had a nice time?

Yeah. Yeah.

-Nice chap, isn't he? -Mm-hmm.

Alright. Night, darling.

Stockings at eight, okay?

You won!

Amazing, Mum!

Hark the herald angels sing...

I want some figgy pudding, I want some figgy pudding...

-You alright, Bax? -Baxy, are you okay sweetheart?

You alright there, love? Yeah?

-Look, are you having your dinner? -Here, give us your cracker.

Look, Nanny's done you a lovely dinner.

-That's it, open that cracker, aww... -Here Dad, do the cracker with her.

-Come on. -Did you get some play dough?

You wanna do it, yeah?

Oh, right. Here y'are...

What's his name?

Erm...

We didn't really, er...

-You don't know his name? -I...I didn't ask, Don.

-I can wait nearby, if you want? -No, it's fine.

It's okay.

Take the dog.

It's not clean. I...I don't wanna take the dog.

What normal person asks someone for a date on Christmas Day?

-Well, maybe he's alone. -Yeah, maybe he's lonely.

Maybe I'll get my head bashed in or something. I don't know.

Nonsense. Ignore your brother.

It's an adventure.

Since when did Colin like adventures?

Well, I think a biker sounds exciting.

You can borrow your dad's leather jacket.

Silent night

Holy night

All is calm

All is bright

Round yon virgin

Mother and child

Holy infant so tender and mild

Sleep in heavenly...

Oh...peace

Sleep in heavenly peace

Beautiful. Beautiful.

Erm...

Er...

Oh, bugger!

Leave it.

Er...just...leave it?

Ooh...

Mm.

What am I gonna do with you?

Whatever you want...

really.

Hold up your hands.

Other way.

Oh.

Oh!

I know this one, actually.

So, er...ready?

Ugh!

Oh, yeah.

Urgh.

Yeah. Wow, you're strong!

Uh...

Do you give?

What...excuse...?

Do you give?

Ee...ee...argh, yes!

Yes!

Ugh!

Sorry.

-Urgh. -Down.

Erm...

Down?

Lick.

Erm...er...

Uh...

Like that? Erm, oh...

Huh.

Huh.

Hu, hu, hu, huh. Mm...

Mm...uh...

Alright.

Ah.

-Go... -Urgh.

Alright.

Yeah.

Ray.

Colin.

Oh...

So, if you, erm, don't mind a little walk,

I saw a pub on my way here

that's open till midnight.

I've gotta go.

Hey, girl.

Oh...oh, oh...

Yeah, of course.

Of course you do.

Erm...

I'm...

I'm...

sorry I was a bit...

I was a bit hopeless earlier.

I guess like most things in life,

it just takes a bit of practice.

Yeah.

Maybe, erm...

I could practice with you?

Erm...

I'm not around much, so...

-Ah. -Yeah.

Alright then, Colin.

Merry Christmas.

Thank you!

Hello.

He lives!

Yeah, just about.

I told you that cold air would turn your throat inside out.

You have a nice time?

Mm.

Nice chap?

Mm. Yeah.

Mm. Did you get yourself a boyfriend?

Oh, no. Don't think so, Mum. I...don't think he liked me that much.

Oh, of course he did.

Did you kiss?

I don't think that is any of your business. So...

Well, fair enough.

Mm.

Right.

One more chocolate?

Mm.

Wanker.

Have you got plans tonight?

Nothing.