Alien in the Heartland

Who is in the Spice Girls?

What?

The Spice girls.

We used to listen to them all the time.

No we didn't.

Stop messing with me.

You're messing with me.

What was the first sport I played?

I don't know, maybe soccer?

Quit guessing.

Okay, then what's my favorite movie?

You love Titanic and Clueless.

That sounded like a guess to me.

Prove to me that you are you.

What's the point?

They said nobody can be trusted anyways.

Well, we've been best friends for how many years now?

We literally used to go swimming in the lake for hours every summer.

Now what? You think I'm from outer space?

Oh my God.

But you can't swim.

You can't.

So, have you been here before?

Nope.

First time.

Every time I come back here, they're always building more and more.

They have these confusing things called roundabouts.

Just don't drive unless you have to.

I hear people are polite there.

Indiana?

Yeah, I guess that's right.

Well, I guess I found that people are alike all over.

God, I didn't think I'd be here.

Well, not too soon anyway.

I always thought people came here after, like,

ruining a marriage or losing a job or

maybe just waking up one day and realizing

they couldn't remember the last four years of their life.

But I'm only 20.

Oh, and my name is Johanna, by the way.

Should have.

Mentioned that first.

We lost our parents a couple years ago.

My older sister Ellie handled it one way, and,

well, I handle it another.

You could say I handled it in a more destructive way.

I started drinking a lot.

She started working a lot.

And I was alone most days.

Just drinking it all away.

And the pills started feeling nice.

I really hated myself.

My sister,

she started noticing my erratic behavior more and more

and had me come to these meetings.

I'm happy to say I've been clean and sober for a year now.

Thank you, Johanna, for being so vulnerable.

Recovery looks different for everyone.

Some start to recover after taking up exercise,

passion projects or even meditation.

What happened that helped you get sober for a year?

I had an epiphany of sorts.

I was on a walk one day and saw something in the sky.

I thought it was just another star,

another dot in an endless indifferent sky.

But it wasn't.

It moved with this.

This light.

Like it knew I was watching.

It was soft.

Golden.

Pulsing.

And it wasn't random.

It wasn't chaos.

It was deliberate.

And then it hit me.

It wasn't scared.

It wasn't running.

It wasn't hiding.

It just was.

Bold.

Unashamed.

Alive.

I don't want to run anymore.

I don't want to bury myself in shadows,

pretending I'm fine.

That light.

It showed me I can be something else.

Someone else.

And maybe I'm crazy.

Or maybe I just finally found the courage to listen.

Whatever it is,

I know

I'm done.

I'm done chasing

a numbness that's killing me.

I want to feel.

I want to live.

Hey, the pastor's mad at you.

Why is that, prey tell?

We let you record your podcast here after you record our weekly

church radio show.

Last week, you recorded an episode

about the misinformation in religion.

Yeah.

You didn't think there was anything wrong with that?

It's a hot topic.

That's all.

I didn't mean to offend you guys.

Just gets me clicks.

Well, unfortunately, I don't think we want you back next week.

Oh.

You can record one last show, but that's it.

It just want people to listen to me.

No one has listened to me my entire life.

One last show, and you can buy your own equipment

and do it elsewhere.

What's this week's topic about, anyway?

Conspiracy theory.

Jesus.

God, please leave me alone.

I can't

seem to leave you alone and find yourself in more trouble.

I'm an adult.

Barely.

So, are you excited?

Why on earth would I be excited?

New job.

You've been wanting one. I never wanted one.

Well, you need one.

You know what I'm about to say.

I know I'm not your mother, yadda yadda.

Well.

It's true.

Well, if she were still alive,

she would be very excited for you.

Dad too.

Would she be proud of you, though?

I think she would appreciate my stable-ness.

Oh, is that what you call it?

Yeah, I think so.

In fact, today is my ten year anniversary.

You've been selling pest control services for a decade now.

Yeah.

And think of all the family's lives that I've improved because of it.

Oh, and all the ant holocausts you've caused.

You're not going to be like this on your first day on the job, are you?

Whoa.

Whoa, is that a new scooter? Yep.

What happened to the old one?

The red one. Stolen. Stolen?

Those things are expensive.

Yeah, that is probably why it was stolen.

Here, let's put an air tag on it.

That way, if it's stolen again, we can track it down.

If it gets stolen again. I'll just buy a new one.

With what money? From my new job.

Okay.

You really need to grow up

and start saving money instead of just spending on scooters.

I know why you're trying to put a tracker on me.

What? Think I'm using again?

Come on. No, that's not it at all.

It's fine.

I'll just scoot my way there.

Well

really?

It's not too far.

Plus you still have that bug sprayer in the back anyway.

Okay, well,

maybe I'll surprise you at lunch. Hug.

You're gonna want to hug one of these days.

Last Thursday, I was in my backyard,

minding my own business, just watering my artificial grass.

I read online that hydration makes it look more authentic.

And then zoom.

This thing is flying over my head.

Glowing lights, a weir hum.

Then I see a reel on social media saying those drones flying over.

New Jersey were aliens or government looking for a lost nuclear bomb?

So now I'm panicking about what's going on.

Of course, the experts say it's recreational drones,

but you can't pull a fast one over on me.

I didn't just fall off of a turnip truck.

It was probably the Jews.

All righty then.

Well, I'll see you next week. I've got a new employee to train.

Well, there's a storm coming, and not a one of you are prepared for it.

Well, then.

Who is that?

Oh, she's just a regular.

I'm sure you'll hear all about her ramblings next week.

So, what do you know about Mochi donuts?

Ummm, they're round.

Ummm, yea.

Hello!

Can we get a half dozen?

Yeah. Which ones?

Three fruity ones and three chocolate.

Fruity pebbles?