Star Trek: Lower Decks

Oh, God, Oh, God. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.

This is bad. This is very bad. I'm not supposed to be here.

I have a pottery class at 0900!

Hey, just calm down. We don't know what this is.

Are you kidding me?! Creepy stone walls, jagged metal bars.

This has alien prison written all over it.

A prison? Nah. No way, man.

- This is a dungeon. - That's even worse!

Hello? Can someone give us some context in here, please?

A dungeon?! But we didn't do anything. Did we?

Oh.

I've been replicating a lot of ice.

Are we not supposed to do that?

I really like ice.

I saw the captain and the bridge crew

get taken into another room.

What if they were replicating ice, too?!

Guys, this is basically a resort

compared to what the Klingons do to you.

I'm sure it's not a big...

- Uh, hi? - Oh, man,

they have all of our commanders suspended in a beam!

- They must be on trial. - For what?

Fellow Primes!

These Federation witnesses have been brought before you

to speak truth

about the senior officers

of the Federation starship Cerritos.

I-I didn't witness anything. Did you?

I don't know. What's the difference between witnessing

and just lookin' at something?

You will speak only into the Horn of Candor!

With this horn, one of our most sacred horns,

you must only speak the truth.

Happy to be here.

I-I don't even know what we're supposed

to be telling the truth about.

The first to give testimony will be

Ensign Beckett Mariner.

Ship logs state you were present on the bridge

when the Cerritos made contact with the Clicket ship Tweerk

on stardate 57818.4.

Uh, I was, but I don't know what you want me to...

Tell us of those wondrous events!

Okay. It started off as a usual day.

We were just hanging out. I mean, we were just doing work

in the repair bay.

Roga Danar? Are you nuts?

I said "Who's the all-time biggest badass?"

not "Who's a dude nobody's heard about?"

Uh, everyone knows Roga Danar.

- No, they don't. - He totally outsmarted Picard,

and he has amazing hair!

Well, what about Khan, right?

Khan was a genetically engineered super-villain!

Dude was a space seed.

Ooh, ooh, pause for a second. I want to talk about Khan

and that thicc, thicc chest, but I got to pee.

Roga Danar.

Get the *bleep* out of my face.

Guys, the ship's at red alert.

Uh, no, it isn't.

Yeah, that's impossible.

I messed with our speakers so they'd be extra loud

during a red alert. We'd know for sure.

You messed with the red alert speakers?

Uh, it's, like, red alert everywhere except here!

- Rutherford! - Aw, man.

Oh, we're gonna get in such big trouble for this.

We have to get to our stations!

Gah, why did we have to have bridge duty today?

We're gonna walk in and everyone's gonna be

- lookin' at us. - No, they won't. Just chill.

Okay, we'll just explain what happened and why we're late.

It'll-it'll be fine.

You want Rutherford fired? No.

Just follow my lead, all right? We'll fake it.

- Fake what?! - It!

I'm not faking on the bridge.

That's insane!

The captain already knows what she wants you to do,

so just nod and agree with her,

or we'll all end up getting kicked off the ship

and then we'll have to live on Earth,

where there's nothing to do except drink wine

and hang out at vineyards and soul food restaurants!

Ugh, these guys are maniacs.

Captain, what happened?

They just randomly attacked me for thanking them.

This injustice will not stand.

We gave you the map, and now you turn on us?!

Captain, this is all a misunderstanding.

I simply showed gratitude for your map of the Neutral Zone.

Gratitude?! How dare you!

- Who is this guy? - Who cares, man?

Bug alien. Roll with it.

I meant no offense.

I think your people have a different definition

of "gratitude."

Give us back the map!

Ugh, this guy is really buggin'!

Mariner, what do you think?

I think you know exactly how to handle this, Captain.

You're right about that.

Ensign Boimler, I want options.

Uh, about the... this alien guy?

Yes. Obviously.

Uh, what specifically do you wish to know?

Aw, come on, man!

This is your chance to prove you got what it takes!

Oh! Well, I-I don't know, uh, who, uh...

Well, the truth is...

Uh, I think we should do,

uh, what you want to do, Cap'n.

Cap'n's choice.

I'm not asking you to kiss my ass.

Come on. No wrong answers.

Uh, okay. We could do evasive maneuver

eighty...

eight...?

Is he *bleep*ing serious?

That was the wrong answer!

- I meant 84. - In this situation?

- Are you crazy? - Mariner!

Have you not been paying attention?

That could get us killed.

No, no, no, no. I was kidding.

Let's just... Let's use the impulse drive to... Crazy Ivan.

- Ugh! Who the hell is he talking about? - What in the world is that?!

- What? - That's insane. - But-but-but-but...

Son, you're embarrassing yourself.

You got a lot to learn. Mariner,

why don't you send our friends a message.

Good call, Captain.

- What?! - Are you insane?! - What the hell are you doing?!

You said "Send them a message." That means phasers!

It means to send them a message to invite them to dinner!

No, it doesn't!

Target their bridge!

Stop! Stop!

What are you talking about?!

What? I'm just telling you what happened.

You expect me to believe a Starfleet officer

wouldn't know what's going on with their ship

at all times?!

Look, I'm not proud of it, but yeah.

What about the map?

Tell me about the map!

Uh, there was a map?

That's the most important part!

Dude, look, I work on a spaceship, all right?

We don't have maps. We have stellar cartography.

What is wrong with you?!

Place her in the Tank of Contempt!

Oh! We got eels. There's eels over here.

Mariner's not lying! I was there!

We didn't see a map!

Perhaps this is a misunderstanding.

You may go un-eeled.

For now.

Better luck next time, eels.

Why does this guy care so much about a map of the Neutral Zone?

Yeah, it's so neutral.

Yeah, like, what would you even do with a map like that?

I have no idea.

Ensign Samanthan Rutherford,

perhaps you can illuminate me more

than your unobservant compatriots.

Um, well, I mean, my cyborg implant

does give me perfect memory.

That will be of great use!

Tell me of stardate 57791.1.

All right. Stardate 5779, eh... Hey.

Wait, are you sure you want that one?

Just 'cause I have-so many great stardates in here.

Other than that one.

I want the one I said!

Uh, you're not gonna like it.

So, there I was,

rotating the EPS capacitors.

See, they overheat when you leave them

facing one direction too long.

Hey, sirs! You want to rotate with me?

Maybe sing a little song?

If you heard the one earlier...

No! Does your implant have Romulan flight manuals

- and repair information? - Uh, not right now.

- I'd need to update it. - Then do it. Now!

Uh, well, usually I like to update it while I'm asleep

'cause it kind of messes with my...

- No! Do it now! - You do it right this second!

Okey-dokey.

30 seconds until restart.

- Is it done yet?! - What? No. It just started.

While we wait, I'll fill you in on the plan.

Oh, uh, first off: do you have all your shots?

- Wait. Which shots? Like, with needles? - Ten seconds.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Let me just...

We don't want you getting Dinobulan flesh-eating bacteria

- on your pe... - Hold up just a second. My implant is also...