Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort

You almost lost me back there.

- So, what is this place? - Someplace special.

I found this on a family camping trip when I was a kid.

Go on in.

Are you serious?

It's warm.

Of course. They're hot springs, you goof.

Whoo! It's hot!

Ooh...

Is this enough?

Well, if you really wanna go back to nature...

It's nice and hot. Promise we'll do this every year.

Until we wrinkle.

Whoo!

Nick?

- Sweetie, are you hurt? - (CACKLING)

Daria! Ah!

Over here! Ah!

- Nick! - (NICK GROANING)

Are you OK? - (PANTING)

- Did you fall? - No. Someone fucking shot me.

What?

- Ahh! - (LAUGHING)

So you had no idea?

He's adopted, you know that.

Thanks, Toni, having only known him since freshman year.

Still kind of cool, though, right?

Finding out you actually had some family out there.

We are his family. That's why we're all here.

And that's why my brother and those guys are right behind us.

Look, I don't know what to expect.

I don't know these people or this place.

I could be inheriting a Motel 6.

Or... a meth empire.

I'm just saying, it's the Appalachians.

Thanks, Vic.

If it'll help, I did some digging.

- This isn't for one of your columns. - Of course not.

I'm just the investigative type.

Hobb Springs, established 1926 by families unknown.

Maybe yours.

The first sanitarium in America outside Battle Creek.

Well, most people would approve.

- Of what? - Me going into a sanitarium.

Agnes Fields.

- You are gonna get yours. - I'll hold you to that, Mr. Jackson.

It's more like a health spa, really.

Spas don't come with their own outhouse, Bryan.

Jillian, it's two weeks, OK?

You know, getting Danny out in the open air,

seeing how much of an inheritance this really is.

Really, Rod? Me fixing a tire is so amazing?

Just playing with my new camera. - Yeah.

And your old camera posted my naked ass all over the internet last trip!

And got 4,000 hits in one day.

Besides, come on, it's fun.

And fun is just the kind of therapy we all need.

- Especially my sister and Danny. - Yeah.

Gotta love therapy.

Wanna start the healing process?

Sally?

You've checked yourself six times this morning.

- He'll be here real soon. - I know.

It may take some time.

I can't go another winter.

I need this.

We need this.

We play this right,

sister, he won't be able to resist you.

Lord knows I can't.

You guys, it's gigantic.

You inherited this? I guess so.

Our little place in the country.

Well, it ain't a Motel 6. - (TONI LAUGHS)

Couple coats of paint, and it could be...

Fucking brilliant.

Creepy.

Vic, get out of the car.

I need a moment alone with my boyfriend.

Fine.

It's time to decide.

What do you want to do?

Just when I hit the lowest I've ever hit,

I got a letter saying that I belonged to something.

Something that I gave up on years ago.

Tell me what you wanna do, honey.

I wanna meet these people and find out what I'm all about.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. - Wow.

- It's huge. (LAUGHS) - I know, right?

Welcome to Hobb Springs.

- Danny. - That's right, yeah.

I could tell by your eyes.

I cannot believe that you are finally here.

- And who are you? This would be Sally.

I'm Jackson. We're the caretakers here.

We weren't expecting your friends, but, um...

...I'm pretty sure we can handle you, though.

Oh, we're just the first wave.

This is huge!

How are we even gonna find our way around in there?

They call this a spa?

Better leave a trail of breadcrumbs.

We got a flat,

- and then got a little... - Baked.

Turned around.

I see, no problem. We have plenty of vacancies coming up.

Don't worry, they'll be checking out today and then we'll have the place

- all to ourselves. - Oh, goody.

I'd be happy to show you around.

Uh, maybe we could get our bags first.

Yeah, maybe some rooms. It's been a long drive.

Whatever you wish. We work for you now.

That's pretty cool, actually.

- Danny has servants now? - Hey, how you doing?

Ya'll come on in.

Thank you.

Geez.

They're kind of good-looking for hillbillies.

They're cousins. No, brother and sister.

Same thing around these parts.

Come on, they're probably just a normal couple.

- They're funny-looking. - And Amish.

Actually, we're kissing cousins on our Quaker brother's sister's side.

I'm so sorry, that was so rude of us.

Ain't nothing we haven't heard before. Just let it roll off my back nowadays.

So you really are brother and sister?

As I said, we weren't expecting so many.

We can make more, if you'd like.

Uh, no, no, it's fine. Really.

We'll leave you hereto rest a spell while we figure out

how best to deal with you.

What is that?

Go on, sit down.

- (SCOFFS) We're really staying here? - Why, what's wrong?

Ain't no doubt all of this is a little bit weird.

- Yeah. - You guys don't get

the charm of this place?

I do.

You rip the place down, subdivide the land,

and we go back, we'll send someone in for a real appraisal.

Yeah, I think you're forgetting that I don't have anywhere to go.

What, so this is your home now?

I don't know. Maybe.

Danny, you're used to Central Park West

- and Nobu on Friday nights. - Yeah. And look what that did to me.

Hey, we don't have to make a decision right away. It's fine.

This place is alive. It has history, secrets.

Enough excitement for two weeks at least.

- Come on, back me up, Vic. - Uh, sure.

A place this old surely has a book in it.

- Maybe a movie even. - Short of murder,

or a Hollywood scandal, who'd give a shit?

Me, Bryan. We could be talking about my history.

- So me. - Yeah, me too.

- Me. - Gotta stick by family.

Is that the big, strong man I rang for?

That's more like it.

Hello?

Mr. Jackson?

Hello?! Oh...

Shhh...

- Silly little bitty. - (LAUGHTER)

A little self control, boys! That's all I ask!

Oh, my God! Is that real gold?

Oh, Bryan! These are Hepplewhite!

And tor those that don't watch Antique Roadshow...

Oh, and they look to be in perfect condition.

- Oh, they're gonna be worth a fortune. - A fortune?

How'd you like my place now, Bryan?

Hey, guys. This place just got a whole lot better.

What? Oh, great.

Where's he going now?

Let's get naked. (LAUGHS)

Whoo!

It actually smells sweet.

Hey, guys, if we're gonna do this, we're gonna do this in style.

- You ready for it? No! (LAUGHING)

- Thanks, man. - Come on in!

There's room for everybody!

Hey. You OK? - It's really all mine.

I'm still wrapping my head around that.

Maybe it's just what we needed.

I suppose this will have to do.

Afraid this is all we have right now.

Hello? We're the new owner's best friends. So you can do better.