Blood Drive

- Previously on "blood drive"...

Fiiiight!

If you refuse to kill,

then we just have to properly motivate you.

- The fuck could you have against me?

Karma? You did this to us!

And then there were two!

You heard the man.

Can only be one primo.

Yes, it is a forfeit!

It is a forfeit! It's over!

It's over!

primo.

Primo!

Primo.

Talk to me.

- I was just asking if you're excited for your big night.

No better excuse to party.

- Couldn't have said it better myself.

This is Garrett.

- They're holding to speak to primo.

Primo, I have...

And.

Oh, they're big fans of mine.

- Mm-hmm. - Hang up.

- Would you like to go through the schedule?

Dazzle me.

- You'll start with the obligatory

red carpet schmooze.

After that, you'll get a little time to yourself

in your own private tent.

And finally, the reason we're all here:

The primo tribute ceremony.

And a camera crew to record it all for posterity.

- Very important. - Tribute ceremony?

Like the Olympics? - Like the Olympics.

Like, like... like the emmys,

like the fucking fourth of July and a goddamned coronation,

all rolled into one!

So three times the chicks.

I love you, primo!

Start kicking ass, primo!

How you doing, sweetheart?

- Primo! - Primo!

Primo, can I get your autograph?

- This is gonna hurt like shit.

Dot the "I," and we're done.

Enjoy it, buddy, but know this:

From here on out, every girl you bone

will be pretending it's me.

Arthur... Arthur!

You need to talk to me.

It's been a week. I haven't seen you since...

- shoving your sister into a blood engine?

Shit was badass.

Oh, don't be too hard on yourself.

She had it coming.

What's this?

- Looking good, you big swinging dick, primo!

- No snarky comeback? No kick in the balls?

Love you, primo!

You've changed.

You should try it.

Oh, I know who I am, grace.

And I'm fucking fabulous.

- Mmm, is that not the finest primo you've ever seen?

I don't know.

He seemed a little disconnected back there.

Like his heart's not really in it.

- Horseshit. He was born for this.

He's laser-focused on being

the greatest primo of all time,

and nothing is gonna distract him from his...

Destiny.

Arthur, where are you?

Whoo! Fuck yeah!

hello, blood driiiive!

To the grease monkeys and red junkies,

to the bruisers and the losers,

to the man-skanks and sperm banks,

I ask you this...

Who wants to fight the primo?!

I wrote that.

yeah, primo!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

What did I tell you? Huh?

He's primo to the core.

Wait'll you see the tribute I have planned.

- Respectfully, slink, I'm the ranking exec on blood drive.

I got a couple suggestions to make...

ah, ah, ah, ah.

Look, I thought we discussed this already.

I am master of ceremonies,

god of the stage.

This is the ceremony; That is the stage.

What part of god and master do you not understand?

Slink, this is about the show.

I can take you global.

All you got to do is pass me the ball

and let me take you over the line.

And how can you say no to that?

- Sorry, love. No back nine for you.

Arthur!

- Fight! Fight! Come on!

Come on! Right here! Let's go!

Me and my lady managed to escape.

She's waiting just outside of town.

You got a lady?

Fuck, dude, bring her to the party.

She down to clown?

What?

No way. I came to get you out of here.

Why would I want to do that?

They made me their king.

- Easy, dude. You got to keep it tight.

I got a high metabolism.

And I haven't eaten in weeks.

Food's great, though, right?

- Can't remember the last time I ate non-synthetic fruit.

- Here they bring it by the bucket.

Whatever I want.

- I can see why you don't want to leave.

I know, right?

Riding around cracking heads, banging hotties

like it's my job.

Here, try this ipa.

My own craft brew. Super hoppy.

Cheers.

Gnarly eyeball you got there.

What'd they do to you, anyway?

- Held me in a dark room for weeks.

Did things to me...

Things I won't ever forget.

I was a prisoner, man.

A fuckin' lab rat.

They fisted me, man.

Hey, man...

What the fuck?

Sorry, that's...

You're here now.

That's all that matters.

- Only thing kept me going was you.

Knowing you were out here, fighting the good fight...

Bringing down heart.

- Like I said, that was then, this is now.

You're safe, brother. Let's keep it light, yeah?

I mean, look at this place.

It's paradise.

You ever seen me happier than I am right now?

What happened to the good cop?

- He took the costume off and stopped pretending.

Sure about that?

- What, this? Sweet jacket, huh?

See, this is me.

The real me.

I'm finally okay with that.

Turns out being bad...

Ain't all that bad.

You should try it.

In fact, it's pretty fucking great.

I'm not the only one who feels that way.

I got a whole kingdom of followers

who just love the smell of my shit.

Champagne?

The board game

are proud to present

the primo memorial tribute reel.

look again.

These people don't love you.

They're not here to honor you.

Dude...

They're gonna kill you.

I am never gonna stop, grace.

Not until everything you love is gone!

let's go!

Shit.

- We may have started at a primo party,

but it sure as hell isn't gonna end here.

- We have something here for you.

- Ah. What's with the camera?

- We're from heart's "protégé pilot program."

We're technically grad students, but...

that was rhetorical, asshole.

You've impressed us.

You're deadly and crazy.

We think you have a future here at heart enterprises.

- I faked my death at majora to get away from the lesbos.

Plus, you're not really my type.

- We've got two femme fatales for the price of one.

What do you mean, two?

Your sister, grace...

She'll be racing in this year's blood drive.

You ask me, she's a star.

- First she dumps me in a madhouse,

then she runs off to join some stupid race?

Put me in the race.

I'll run her ass right off the road.

- Our drivers have already been finalized.

But your sadistic tendencies

do suit you for the management track.