The Last Man on Earth

Previously on The Last Man on Earth...

Who the hell are you?

I'm an astronaut. I-I just came from space.

- Were you exposed to the virus?! - No, no, I promise!

Pat Brown, last man on Earth.

Should've stayed in the truck, bud.

Holy... farts.

Carol. You're pregnant.

I'm pregnant!

He has to go.

Maybe I should just go away for a while.

Carol, Tandy, come look at this.

Oh, dear God.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, farts.

These guys do not look friendly.

Maybe they just need directions.

Hells bells, Carol!

They don't need damn directions!

Okay, everyone just calm down!

Okay? There's no need to freak out.

Oh, crap. Run, run, run, run!

Run, run, run! Go!

Go, go!

Carol, what's happening?

There's some spooky people here with possibly dark intentions.

W-Well, let me out.

Have you learned your lesson about not using firearms?

- Yes. Yes, yes, yes! - Okay!

Firearms are not the answer.

I stand by that.

Okay, we got to go.

Melissa, where are you going?

Melissa!

Oh, crap, we're blocked in!

Who was driving the A-Team van?

Ah, man, my bad!

Okay, well, where... do you have the keys?

- No. - What?!

Oh, my goodness,

I think I left them inside!

Okay, guys, the key is attached to a small plastic Mr. T.

It is just the classic "T" look,

Mohawk, muscles,

lots of gold chains.

If you press him,

it says, you know, "I pity the fool."

We get it, Todd!

I'm not finding it. It's not here!

They're coming up the path!

Everybody, grab a weapon!

Throats and balls!

Aim at throats and balls!

A-And eyes!

And, uh, uh, butts!

J-Just aim at anything!

Shh!

They're here.

There it is.

Mr. T.

I pity the fool.

Damn it.

Shh.

Peekaboo.

All right, easy!

- Easy, take it easy! - Put 'em down!

Put it down! Put that down!

Hey!

I'll shoot. I'm serious.

She will! She loves guns!

- Drop it, blondie. - You drop it!

Melissa, watch out!

Oh!

Stop! Don't shoot!

Don't shoot! Don't shoot me!

Oh, God. Darrell!

Can you hear me?

We weren't gonna shoot you.

We come in peace.

We come in... peace.

Stay with me, Darrell.

You're gonna pull through this, buddy!

Stay with me!

He's gone.

So, after the Northwest Passage,

I ran into Darrell and Lewis here,

and we set sail for Hawaii.

And then we were just passing by Malibu,

and damn if we didn't see your lights.

Well, we just feel so bad about murdering your friend.

Just sick about it.

Oh, well, we barely knew that guy.

It's just a horrible misunderstanding.

So, Lewis, um, what did you do before all this?

I was a surgeon.

Oh! That's amazing.

Carol and I, we're pregnant, so...

No, no, no.

For trees. A tree surgeon.

More of an arborist.

Ooh.

That's too bad.

How about you, Blue Man Group?

Purveyor of ice cream.

Brief incarcerant.

Jean art enthusiast.

Wait, uh, jean art?

Uh, like what it sounds.

Art on jeans.

You give me a pair of 501s and a Sharpie,

and I can make them sing like a Doobie Brother.

Well, that sounds fun.

What's up with the suit?

Well, I never take it off on land.

I-It's... that's just what the government wants,

to fill me with virus.

Right, Lewis?

So I stay out on the water.

But it gets kind of lonely out there.

No family.

No friends.

I don't know if you know how blessed you are

to have found each other.

Oh, I think we do,

and it's all because of Tandy here.

- He brought us together. - Really?

You're lucky to have a leader like that.

Well, I wouldn't say, uh, I mean... leader?

Thank you, Pat.

You know, I know...

I know we got off to an awkward start, but is-is there

any way that you guys would consider letting us

- stay around for a spell? - Or one of us.

We're not a package deal.

We're easy, so, uh...

Uh... c-could you excuse us

while we discuss your fate?

- Well, of course. - Sure.

They seem like pretty good guys, right?

Okay.

I'm just gonna come right out and say it:

Pat sucks.

Yeah, he's mad as a cut snake.

Just a full-blown poddy-dodger.

Ah, he's not a poddy-dodger.

Well, I like Lewis's energy.

There we go, Carol.

But Pat, yeah, I mean,

he just seems like a real bad news Barry.

I'll give them the news.

Hey, guys...

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

Okay, so they didn't make

a great first impression, but look at me.

I mean, when I first met Carol,

I was such a mess, she pulled a gun on me.

Oh, it's true.

You know, it took me a while to realize

that Tandy wasn't a dangerous lunatic,

but in fact the man of my dreams.

See?

Now, why can't we just treat them

like we treated each other?

God, Tandy,

why do you have such a tent in your shorts about these guys?

That's collected fabric, Gail.

- Yeah, that's fabric. - God.

Look...

they're lonely, they're scared,

and remember, we were the ones who shot their friend.

Hey, guys.

Look, I'm really sorry about this, but, uh...

how would you like to stay?

Are you serious?

No, my name's Tandy.

Why, did someone tell you my name was "Serious"?

Boom.

You're not gonna regret this.

I know we won't.

The house is just right up the path here.

What am I saying?

You know where it is; you stormed it earlier.

I'm just trying to catch my breath a little, you know.

We'll be right up.

Look, this could be a really good thing for us.

Like a fresh start, if you know what I mean.

Yes, Pat, yes.

I mean, we both have our secrets,

and it's gonna stay that way, capisce?

I don't really have any secrets, Pat. I...

Fresh start.

I understand, Pat.

Fresh... start.

Hey, you guys coming up or what?

Yeah, sure thing, ding-a-ling.

Ding-a-ling.

Hey, how about we, uh, ink up some jeans?

I'd love it.

Ding-a-ling.

Fresh start.