Tony n' Tina's Wedding

She needs to get laid.

No shit.

Shh! Here she comes!

Okay, stop clowning around.

Tina, sit up!

It's the happiest day of your life.

What are you putting on my daughter?

Donna, move over.

Let me look.

Donna, her eyes are too blue.

What are you gonna do without your mother?

Get a life.

You don't like it, Mrs. Vitale?

Not on my daughter.

Eh, ma...

You wear black, I wear blue, alright?

Out of respect for my late husband and your father

I wear black.

Water boy.

Eh.

What, Tone? I'm just doing my hair.

Yeah. Sober up.

Sticky.

Stick this in.

See you at the church, numb nuts, huh?

Hey, Barry.

Easy on the drugs, alright?

You it, Tone.

Hey, I'm serious. Dom, I'm serious.

Especially at the church.

I'm going to get my keys.

Tony.

- Tony. - Tony.

You're too young.

You're too smart to get married.

You're too wasted.

Get ready.

Come here, Tina. I just wanna fix this...

Oh please, let me do it, Mrs. V.

Hey, you guys. We can't be late.

My mother's renting the monsignor by the hour.

Listen just tone down her eyes.

You know, it's her wedding day, not Mardi Gras.

Talk to Ziggy Stardust over there.

He ain't gonna look better than me on my wedding day.

Sorry, Jim.

Vito's rolling in his grave.

Ma, the gravy's delicious, but...

Come on, Tony.

Come on, you having something to eat?

What'd you forget something?

Yeah, I forgot my keys.

Hey, wait a minute. I found them.

Your balls.

Yeah, pops. See you at the church.

Tony, we're gonna go pick up Maddy, alright?

Don't be late for your funeral.

Tina, the limo's here.

- Ma, I'm coming. - Alright.

Doesn't she look pretty?

Come on, Uncle Louie.

Tina...

I'm so excited, so excited!

I'll see you in the limo.

You look great, T.

Stick, everybody, let's go.

Let's wrap it up.

Little T is getting married.

On our wedding day, your grandpa looked like a prince.

Yeah, yeah. Ma, the kid's like a...

He doesn't understand anyway.

How do I look, T? I look good?

Still got it, kid?

Tina, hurry up.

Ma, just give me a minute, alright?

You know, I can't believe you're not ready.

I mean, it's only the greatest day of your life.

I know, I know. A minute, please.

Come on, hurry up.

Alright.

Hey, Tony.

How you doing, huh?

Crazy party.

Listen.

Popov Bloody Mary, alright? You're gonna take the edge off.

- Alright, Tony. Alright. - Clean up. Look at you!

Alright, let's go.

Hey, Maryann!

Let's go.

Get out of here.

Hey, Dom, let's go already.

Come on, get up, get up!

Dom.

Tony, don't look at me like that.

I'm going, alright?

Alright.

Ha-ha. That's funny, huh?

John! John!

Come on.

Hey, Barry.

Hey, Barry baby.

You're my best man.

Johnny, come on.

Get your ass in here, shitbag.

- Let's go. - That's funny.

Come on, get in.

What the fuck?

Watch my fucking leg. What are you retarded?

- Hey, numb nuts. - What are you doing?

When are you gonna get a girl?

Tonight, baby. Tonight.

Get the fuck out of here.

You can't fuck your hand.

You guys, help me out.

Oh my god, I'm so excited!

Your dress is so big.

- Watch the dress. - Oh, don't drag it.

Oh!

- Aww! - Aww, Tina!

Here, T, take a drink.

Now before we leave, a toast.

To Tina.

To the house I leave behind.

Right on.

Pretty please!

Don't touch the vehicle.

Thank you very much.

Where is my star, Tina?

She's in the back.

Keep the Nunzio's to a minimum.

Tina.

- Tina. - That's what they call me.

I'm Raphael. I'm your director.

Alright, Mr. Director.

Alright, this ain't no friggin' gone with the wind.

It's a wedding.

Oh, I am a filmmaker.

60mm film only, okay? No video.

Okay, Raphael.

I'm going, I'm going.

Oh! Woo!

Alright.

Come on, darling.

Okay, okay.

Come on, baby.

There you go.

Yeah, yeah. Shoot this, buddy.

Who is this asshole anyway?

He's the priest's nephew.

You know, he's some NYU film school geek.

Tells my mother he wants to do a school thesis at my wedding.

Thesis?

Sounds like something a dog does.

Right, right!

Look it, all I'm saying is he's paying for everything.

Listen, he pays for everything, alright.

So why didn't she hire him?

He's cute.

Marina.

You know what? Your mother, she's cheap.

- Hey! - This could be good.

You know, I wish my wedding was filmed.

All I got was some drunken Barry video.

Hey, don't we have to be in there before the groom comes?

Yeah, it's bad luck.

Oh honey, he already came, alright?

I gave him a hummer last night before the bachelor party.

Look all I'm saying is...

I don't want no stray cat pawing a piece of my meat, alright?

Yeah, he's got you trained.

Oh, I wouldn't talk, alright?

Look at this, Barry, Barry all the way.

Yeah, yeah! Well what did you get out of it?

Oh, a low cal protein shake.

Tina, the light is perfect over here.

Oh, Raphael.

Okay, Tina, I just want you to be natural, okay?

No posing.

I have cameras set up all over the church, all over

the reception hall.

Just be yourself.

Just be Tina, okay?

Okay.

Oh, that's perfect. Did you get that?

Oh hey, no ass shots, alright?

Nothing!

You can shoot my ass.

Yeah, it'd be hard not to, honey.

Everybody look over here!

Nice hair, slappy.

Hey, how you doing?

My name's Sal.

I'm the photographer today for you lovely ladies.

I'm gonna take your picture right now so smile.

Woo!

Alright.

Alright.

Sal, I didn't pay you for Polaroid's, got it?

Oh, this is uh...

This is state of the art.