Brickleberry

- Aw, look at my little cubs of anarchy.

Are you excited about your new bike?

Yes.

Here you go, buddy.

What the is that?

I asked for a motorcycle.

- Malloy, we both know you're not big enough.

Besides, this is just as cool.

- I'm a big boy. I'm a big boy.

- I am not getting on that thing.

Not without your safety gear.

- I look ridiculous. Everybody's gonna laugh at me.

- Malloy, no one's gonna laugh at you.

That's it.

I'm gonna go set up the kill room.

- Don't forget your outside helmet.

Daddy's gotta protect his little therapy pet.

- You're alive? - Yes. Why?

- Oh, when you were two hours late, we assumed you were dead.

We even wrote your obituary.

"steve williams.

Lived, died, fat."

That's it?

Why didn't you list any of my accomplishments?

Uh, we said fat.

- How about the fact that I've been ranger of the month

For years?

- Steve, it's about time we told you.

That award is meaningless.

Your medal is a snapple cap we painted gold.

Oh, my god.

I haven't done anything with my life.

When I'm dead, no one will remember me.

- Nobody gives a shit, steve. I'm out of here.

- Don't forget your bubble armor.

I can't breathe!

- have fun, little buddy.

Stay in the driveway.

- Woody, I'm too big for your stupid bedtime stories.

- "once there was a man with a big, yellow mustache,

"and he had a curious little cubsy wubsy

"who kept the man's brain demons at bay.

"without his cuddles, the man would have to accept

"that during the war,

"he made a functioning piano out of iraqi teeth and dicks.

The end."

- At least it wasn't the berenstain bears.

I hate those jews.

- P.S. Daddy will not be here to tuck you in tomorrow

'cause he's going to a strip club.

- The strip club? I wanna go.

Whoa, slow down.

You're too small.

You say that about everything.

- Aw, is my cubsy afraid to be home alone?

Don't worry.

Daddy has a babysitter all lined up for you.

That always works out well.

That's what I'd do for a klondike bar.

Hey, steve.

Hey, what the hell are you doing?

- I realized I have to make my mark in the world.

If ray j got famous for making a sex tape with a horse,

Then so can I.

Steve, that wasn't a horse.

That was kim kardashian.

Ew!

I'll figure out some other way to make my mark.

Hello, guinness?

I just broke a record.

I stuck 39 rolls of dimes up my ass.

What?

Shia labeouf did 40?

damn it!

What's the big deal?

It's called a fetish!

Eh, d-d-d-d.

Where do you think you're going, little bear?

- Well, man with the accent I can't place,

I am here to see the titties.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You must be at least as tall as her c-section scar,

Or else you off.

But you are welcome to play

At jorge's single mom stripper daycare.

- Hey, look, it's a wish machine.

All right, mr. No fly list.

Here goes.

I wish I was big.

Damn.

See, this is why I don't trust brown people.

- I didn't know you played guitar.

It's what I do when I'm sad.

- Hmm. You're really good.

Have you written any songs? - A few.

I'd love to perform them, but I'd be too embarrassed.

Too embarrassed?

Didn't you shove $195 worth of dimes up your ass?

- Every time I fart, it's like I hit triple 7s.

- Maybe your songs could put you on the map.

I got some contacts. I could get you a gig.

- Okay, but first I gotta drop a deuce.

We gotta find a coinstar.

Morning, malloy.

Good morning.

What the ?

What happened to you, malloy?

Magic is real!

All right, steve.

I pulled a lot of strings to help get you this gig.

Hey, baby.

It's my girlfriend's grandson's party,

So don't screw it up.

- Don't worry. The kids will love it.

I'm doing a song I wrote about guys who work on a mountain.

- All right. Now go get 'em.

Steve, what the hell?

You better play something else quick!

Something for the kids.

- Ooh, I've got a cute rooster song.

Do it! Do it!

- Kill him! - Let's get him!

Run, steve, run!

- What'd I say? What'd I say?

What'd I say?

They hate me.

Why did they hate me?

- Steve, didn't you think there was something...

Queer about those songs?

- I just write wholesome country songs.

See?

Farmhand jobs.

Come in my back door, bubba.

Riding the bologna pony?

What'd I tell you?

- Hmm. You know what?

I think you just need a change of venue.

Maybe america is ready

For my innocent, wholesome country songs.

And not dirty songs that are all about sex

Like your people's music.

- And with me as your manager, you're gonna be big.

Everybody loved me last night.

I got so many high fives and ass slaps.

Those guys over at hogg riders

Sure know how to have a good time.

They sure do, buddy.

Now you better be moseying on out of here.

You gotta practice up for your next gig.

- Denzel booked me at this place called a bathhouse.

That's actually a--

- A place where men can wash each other's dicks

In a heterosexual manner.

- Why aren't you telling steve the truth?

- Steve thinks his songs are all pure and innocent.

If he knew they were about hard-core gay sex,

He wouldn't play them.

- And you wouldn't be wearing a new panda skin jacket.

- Aw, don't be a hater. It's faux.

Fo-sho real panda skin.

Ha ha!

Listen up, rangers.

There is a problem with malloy.

'sup, squirts?

- Huh. - Cool.

Hey, I guess magic is real.

- Malloy, what are you doing with that death machine?

- Shut up, woody. She's been tested.

- You can't ride without a helmet.

Do you wanna get a up gary busey brain?

Don't be ridiculous.

These things aren't dangerous.

- Oh, no. I'll give her mouth-to-mouth.

That's not her mouth.

It's okay.

She's dead.

You okay, woody?

- I'd be better if a giant bear didn't maul me in my sleep.

It stopped your snoring.

- Oh, malloy, you destroyed the bathroom!

Where's the toilet?

- Check under that big pile of bear shit.