Super Troopers

No, man, I'm just saying'... I'm sayin' if... if you own

the beach property, right...

- Mm-hmm? - Do you own, like,

the sand and the water?

Nobody owns the water. God owns... It's God's water.

What if someone walks onto your beach, right?

Let's say if you do own it.

No, man, you don't own the beach.

What you own is sand on the beach, man.

Here. Here, man.

What if there's a naked girl on the beach?

That girl's not yours. You don't own the girl.

What if she breaks her foot on your property?

She could sue me.

Sue me! Sue me!

- Oh, shit! Oh, shit! - Holy shit!

Ditch it, man! Ditch it!

- Dude, can you eat it? - The whole bag?

Fuck it!

Hey, Mike, um, while you're at it?

- Those are 'shrooms, dude! - Come on, man, just eat it!

Mike, uh...

- I hate to ask, but, uh... for the team? - I can't eat that!

- No! Throw it out the window! - Okay! Okay! Okay!

All right, I'm doin' a drop.

- I'm goin' for a drop. - Just opening the window.

- It's gone. It's gone. - We're cool. It's cool.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

- We're dead! - All right, all right.

Windows down! Windows down!

Windows down! Put the windows down!

All right, we're cool. We're cool.

God, did you see that?

It must have been, like, a double homicide

or something fuckin' cool.

- We was freakin' out, man. - Man, I almost had a heart attack.

Mike, you didn't eat both those bags, did you?

Come and get it.

You must have eaten, like, a hundred bucks worth of pot...

and, like, 30 bucks worth of shrooms, man.

Who's the man?

So, I'm gonna... I'm gonna need 130 buck, you know...

whenever you get a chance.

- Fuck, man. - That... That's not really cool, man.

Is that the same car, man?

- D... Do I look high? - Yeah.

Here they... Here they come.

Lick on it. Just lick it or somethin'.

Be cool, be cool.

License and registration.

Uh, Officer, I know that...

License and registration, please.

The regis...

- You know how fast you were goin'? - What?

- How fast you were goin'? - Uh, 65?

- Sixty-three. - Officer, isn't... isn't

the speed limit 65?

Yeah, it is.

- Where you boys headed? - Canada.

C... Canada. We're goin' over the border to Canada...

- for some French fries and gravy, sir. - Poutine.

Canada, huh? Almost made it.

- Are you okay? - Yeah, sure.

- Yes, sir? - Yes, sir.

- No, did you say, "Yes, sir"? - I think he said, "Yeah, sure."

- What'd you say, man? - Well, I said, "Yeah, sure,"

but what, literally, I said was, "Yeah, sure, sir."

- So you are okay then? - Yes, sir.

You smell somethin', Rabbit?

Fear.

Now hand over that registration.

Yes, sir. My mother's gonna kill me.

Holy, shit. This is... This is... This is... Don't look. Don't look.

- Oh, my God. - I don't get it, man.

Am I fucked up or is this fucked up, man?

This shit is fuckin' crazy.

Shit, man. I was just about to pull out my Nine...

and put a cap in that pig's ass.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, my God!

Shit!

Fuck!

Pull the vehicle over!

- I'm... I'm already pulled over, man! - Pull over farther, man!

I can't pull over... Sir, I'm already pulled over!

He's already pulled over!

He can't pull over any farther!

License and registration, please.

- But I... I just gave you it, Officer. - License and registration.

You know how fast you were goin'?

- Uh, sixty-five? - Sixty-three.

I'm freakin' out, man.

You are freakin' out, man.

You want to know why I pulled you over?

- Littering. - Officer, that... that's not ours.

- Candy bars! - Littering and... Littering and...

- And, uh... - Littering and...

Littering and, uh... Littering and, uh...

Littering and, uh...

Littering and smoking the reefer.

Now to teach you boys a lesson, Officer Rabbit

and I are gonna stand here...

while you three smoke the whole bag.

Please, no.

- Please, yes... - Fuckin' pig!

Mother of God.

Whoo!

We're in high-speed pursuit of a white Miata

headin' southbound on 2-9-4.

Request back-up.

Unit 91, come in, 91. Unit 91, come in, 91.

What are you doing out there, 91? Quit counting your pubes out there.

We got a hell-raiser in a white Miata.

Ninety-one, are you there? Ninety-one?

Ninety-one, are you there?

Hey, good-lookin'. You catch any speeders today?

- Whoo! - What the fuck!

Let's go, 91.

Rabbit, get that gun out!

Aw, Mac, you fucker!

Greetings.

- You guys are too slow. - You killed my dummy.

Mac, now I'm gonna pay you. But I shouldn't, 'cause I knew

it was you the whole time.

Thorny, don't lie in front of the rookie.

It sets a bad example.

- Foster, where are your shoes? - What, are you the shoe police now?

I am, and you owe me 20 laps around the bar. Let's go.

Your black magic only works on the rookie.

That's brown magic.

- Pay up. - When do I get to do that?

You'll get your chance, Rook. Shots?

- Yeah. - That's a lot of booze.

- Uh-huh. Uh-huh. - I'm impressed.

Jesus!

Sorry, boys, you're on duty.

- On your tab, Officer Womack? - Rookie, pay the lady.

Unit 23. Come in, 23.

Unit 23. Come in, 23.

Do you need me out there? Do you need my assistance?

- Shut up, Farva. - I can be there...

Listen, we got the Miata. We're okay.

What about those dopers you picked up?

Do you need my assistance?

The snozberries taste like snozberries.

- Oh, shit! - He killed the cops!

- Oh, shit! - He killed the cops!

- Get out of the car, man! - This is a cop car!

- Hello. - You boys like Mexico?

Yeeeee-hoooooo!

One, two, three, do it!

Oh, go, girlfriend. I'm your mother.

Come on, Thorny. You're losing to the rookie. It's embarrassing.

Come on, Rabbit. You can do it.

Oh, Rabbit, he's killing you. I got Thorny in front by a lot.

What's the matter, your mama didn't teach you how to chug?

Come on, Thorn. Come on, Thorn.

Goddamn it.

I am all that is man.

- Every time. - Finish it up.

See, there you have it. You're doing it all wrong.

You gotta open your throat, relax the jaw.

Don't forget to cup the balls. You're never gonna win...

with those thin little bird lips you got there.

This guy's got these big old powerful lips.

Am I correct, Thorn?

So much of my authority is derived from the power right here.

Hey, guys.

Wow.

- Uh, do you have any more syrup? - Sorry, Urs.

Why couldn't they chug ketchup?

It's a good thing you didn't order hash browns.

I mean, if they had been chugging the ketchup.

You get the score of that Red Sox game last night?

- I turned it off just after... - Ah, waiter. There you are.

I will have the enchilada platter with two tacos and no guacamole.

- Smy? - Yeah, Chief, I'll take a chinchilla.

I don't get it. Tacos?

They think I'm Mexican.

You're not Mexican?

Another highway cop? What, are you guys multiplying?

Yeah, if they can figure which hole to stick it in.

Ah, what the fuck?

- Hey, I saw that! - Sit down, Rando.

That's it!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! All right, all right!

- Cut it out, you turkeys! - He fuckin' started it!

I'm sorry, Bruce. These boys get that syrup in them...

they get a little antsy in their pantsy.

You just can't keep them under control.

You should keep these dogs on a leash, John.

Let's go.

- Hail to thee! - Hail to thee!

- Hail to thee! - Hey, all right!

Hey, what's up, bone diddlies? Did I miss the song?

Sing it again, rookie biatch.

Farva.

- Forgot the coffee. - My bad, Cap.

All right, all right. Let's get started.

I got the latest shit list, gentlemen.