Leonard Part 6

There's a logical explanation,

why Leonard Parker found himself flying through the air.

One, in an armored Porsche,

2, wearing ballet slippers,

and 3, on the back of an ostrich.

All in the space of one week in San Francisco.

Mr. Parker, whom I have the honor to serve,

is a man of exceptional talents,

whose 5 previous adventures would, I'm sure, have enthralled you,

had they not been confiscated, in the interests of world security.

It all began under that famous bridge

with a team of frogmen,

not, I hasten to add, on our side.

Quincy, the water's beautiful. Come in.

Come in.

It's man ray.

Quelish.

Oh, Quincy, stop splashing.

This was, I believe, the first recorded instance,

of a CIA Agent being eaten alive by a rainbow trout.

And worse was to come.

We've lost 8 agents this month.

But how do we strike back against ferocious fish?

We blow 'em off the face of the earth.

We've got the capability.

I hope you know I sympathize with that passion, Jack,

but we can't.

We've got to learn their secret, and time is running out.

Above all, we mustn't panic.

Oh, yes, we must.

If San Francisco goes, tomorrow it'll be Oregon.

And then, the rest of the world.

In my lifetime, I've only worked with one man

who can match the brutality and heinous wit

that's behind these sordid and unpatriotic executions.

Mr. Snyderburn, you don't mean...

Yes.

He retired. He'll never come back.

He'll come back. I'll send Monroe to get him.

Mmm. That looks wonderful.

Leonard.

Retirement bored Mr. Parker.

And his enormous wealth gave him little consolation.

As a diversion, he opened a restaurant,

which naturally became San Francisco's finest.

Yes, Mr. Monroe?

I'm afraid it isn't fresh.

Uh, what isn't fresh, sir?

The trout is not fresh.

Oh, but, sir, we... we keep our fish live in a tank.

Oh. Well, I don't suppose you'd show me the tank.

Oh, I'd be happy to. Follow me.

So here it is.

This is not about trout.

Would you prefer the flounder?

Don't give me that!

I've been waiting a long time for this.

Do you know what this is gonna do for my career,

eliminating the number one agent in the western world?

But I'm not the number one agent.

I retired 7 years ago.

Yeah, that's not what Nick Snyderburn says.

Snyderburn? Now don't be nervous, now.

Oh, I'm not nervous, you know.

Ah, crepes flambe!

Make spaghetti, Scotty.

Ah.

More butter.

Go easy, Monroe.

Leonard! Good to see you!

Why...

Why did you send Monroe to kill me?

Suppose Monroe had gotten lucky and killed me.

Then you wouldn't have been right for the job.

Sit down.

Leonard, you know Jefferson here.

And, lights!

All together again. We can do better than that.

Put them back on.

And, lights!

Stimola Meat Company, Cadna, Illinois.

A group of highly trained house cats

assaulted one of our agents in the gristle room,

covering him with fur balls,

killing him and, uh,

burning his I.R.S. Records.

Malford Wilson, Virginia.

Husband and wife team, assaulted on state road 306

by 18 squirrels,

and left for dead,

which, of course, they were.

Worst of all, right in this area,

an as yet unknown number of apparently furious gophers,

attacked and killed our undercover cook.

This is the work of a single, heinous organization,

under the direction of a maniacal, and sadistic woman.

She's a vegetarian, a former ecologist,

and she's bent on taking over the world.

And, lights!

This heinous woman has developed a formula

which can control the very mind of every animal,

fish, bird, reptile, and insect on this globe.

And we have just learnt

that in the next 36 to 72 hours,

this parapsychotic tyrant plans to launch

an all-animal offensive of major proportions against the bay area.

Leonard.

You gotta come back with us.

Mr. Parker had always expected

that one day he would hear once more the clarion call of duty.

But never in his wildest nightmares did he imagine

that he'd be asked to pit his resources

against ferocious felines and homicidal squirrels.

That very morning, I had taken a message

from the president of the United States

asking Mr. Parker to call back as soon as possible.

That call and this meeting could hardly be unconnected.

Faced with this kind of pressure,

how could he say no?

No.

We need you, Leonard.

You don't need me. You need the A.S.P.C.A.

We'll pay your regular fee. $6 million.

Why don't you just blow her up?

Well, you know there's nothing I'd rather do than that. But we can't.

What she's got could be useful to us.

No.

But why not, damn it?

I have my reasons.

Oh, yeah.

His wife.

He quit this organization,

because he thought it would get his wife back.

But what happened?

She won't even return your phone calls.

She needs time.

It's been 7 years.

7 years, a lifeless drudge.

Did it ever occur to you

that coming back with us might just win her back.

Monroe!

You know, Leonard, my dearest friend, just look at you.

It's no wonder that gorgeous and voluptuous creature

doesn't want you around anymore.

That's enough, Snyderburn.

Well, you're my dearest friend and...

You're not remotely my dearest friend.

And I have a kiwi tart that demands my immediate attention.

I knew it. We're all goners.

Oh, shut up, Madison.

It's true that Mr. Parker would have given everything

to be reconciled with his wife.

He even gave up the service.

His wife thought intelligence work

meant running around the world,

jumping into bed with a lot of blonde people.

So he gave it up,

hoping one day she would return.

Did she call?

No, sir. Sorry, sir.

Well, that's all right, frayn.

Oh, I can see my daughter's here again.

That's not the half of it, sir.

Daddy!

Hi, honey!

Ok, now what are you and your mother fighting about?

Nothing. Nothing. Huh?

All right, now what did you do?

Well, she still refuses to allow me to express myself.

And she may not even come to the opening night. Hmm.

But I know you'll be there on Thursday, right, daddy?

No, your father will be there before the stagehands arrive.

See, I knew you would.

And I am so excited about this play, daddy.

I just know it's gonna make me a star.

And do you know what else?

Hmm. You-you're going steady with the leading man.

The director.

And daddy, he is wonderful,

wonderful, wonderful. He's wonderful?

And he's in the drawing room.

In the drawing room. Come on.

Let me introduce you to him. Ok.

Mmm-hmm. Wonderful.

Daddy, meet Giorgio Francosi.

Ciao, Leonard.

A pleasure.

Is this what you had a fight with your mother about?

Daddy.

Well, he's not staying here, either.

I'd never be so presumptuous.

I only wanted to meet the famous father, of the brilliant woman

who stole not only my heart

but who's about to steal the heart of all San Francisco.

By Friday morning, rezazi benzur Shaheed Parker will be a star.

Who is that?

That's my stage name.

In a few short months, this woman has grown

from a callow, insensitive child to a mature...

Joanie, get your father a sandwich and something cold to drink.