Paige Darcy: Reluctant Detective

Coming up, manhunt in Edmonton.

While the police want you to keep your eyes peeled

for an attempted assassin who might be in disguise.

A body was found off the Bow Valley Parkway today.

A warning, the following images are graphic and disturbing.

A man was found shot dead

just outside of Jasper at Cherry Gate Farm today.

Police so far have no leads...

Jesus Christ, man. Are you sure?

They're just a couple of kids.

We don't have a choice. They could tell somebody.

Fuck that, Peter, I'm not gonna jail

because of some meddling kids and their weird dog.

I'm gonna kill them.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Uh what's up, sweetheart?

What the shit, Peter? Don't talk to them, don't make it weird.

Kill them in a second, okay?

You just chill out...

And stop being the dick to these kids for one minute.

I'm chill.

Go on, my precious little angel.

Just that, if you're planning to kill us,

you'll need to reload your gun.

I'm sorry, what?

You guys only have that one gun concealed in your jacket's

left interior breast pocket.

But the body of Mr. Fleming we found earlier had three gunshot wounds.

We found 2 additional bullets in the fence at old Cherry Gate Farm.

Meaning you missed twice.

Then in a panic you overcompensated and shot Mr. Fleming.

Three more times using five bullets total.

That gun can only hold six rounds. So you have one bullet left.

Assuming you haven't reloaded already, which...

Let's be real.

Neither of you seem to be particularly forward-thinking.

I mean, you think you can murder three 8-year-olds to get the heat off you.

Okay enough, of course, it would get the heat off us.

And how would anyone know that we killed you?

Because you're on the grid, bud.

By my count, we passed six traffic cameras.

It should be about 9 o'clock right now.

No, it's 8:59.

Charles' curfew was 59 minutes ago.

His mom's already freaked out and called the cops.

You guys are officially on the clock.

Why would your mom call the cops?

I'm sorry.

You're not helping.

Okay so maybe time isn't on our side.

Looks like we'll just have to kill you kids in a hurry.

You still only have one bullet.

Oh, mother

You were the ghost all along?

I told you, Mr. Crandall, there's no such thing as ghosts.

Yeah and I punched it.

And everybody knows you can't punch ghosts.

Exactly, Jack.

Once we saw that our alleged ghost had a corporeal form.

It didn't take long for Miles and I to figure out

that our ghost was all smoke and mirrors.

Literally in this case.

No way.

Another mystery solved, thanks to Paige Darcy.

And I would have gotten away with it too.

- If it weren't for you... - You meddling kids...

Need to just walk away.

This doesn't concern you.

It does now, Ringmaster.

Let the heiress go and we can talk about this.

We can figure something out.

We're past that.

Okay.

Stay the hell back.

Okay okay okay, just calm down.

Everybody here is being cool..

And Jack, now!

No!

Woah, Jack.

Aw, I got you.

Yee-haw.

Did... Did you just say yee-haw?

Yeah because I'm hog tying him.

So you just go full on cowgirl out of nowhere then?

Well I don't know, I mean everybody's got a thing.

Maybe my thing is being a cowgirl.

Aw!

Just felt a little forced.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Totally.

So no one's buying it?

Well I don't know then.

What's my thing? Everyone else has a thing.

Paige is the brains.

Jack is like Dawson's Creek level handsome.

Charles is gay.

Excuse me, Beth.

Please do not reduce me to my sexual orientation.

Being gay is not my thing.

My thing:

Is making people with rat tails cry.

You've done that like three times.

I'm actually with Charles on that.

That is so many times that specific thing to have happened.

Okay fine. Charles' thing is making people with rat tails cry.

Thank you.

Miles is into gadgets.

What?

You're like a tech guy.

No, I'm not.

Yeah you are, you've got that thing.

A Palm Pilot?

Yeah, that's your thing.

My thing is Palm Pilot?

Yeah.

Paige's thing is being smart and my thing is owning a Palm Pilot.

Yeah.

Pretty much.

I can't picture you without it.

Okay can we just figure out whose thing is what later?

We gotta get the ringmaster to the police before the light.

Aren't you forgetting someone?

Oh, shit!

- That's effed up! - This is effed up, Darce.

Um, we've got a situation here.

What?

Kind of a... Bomb that's gonna kill us and explode the dam... situation.

Let's go.

Something's wrong with Beth!

I'll go deal with the bomb, you take care of Beth.

Paige.

Paige.

It's okay.

Oh Eddie, you've caught me undressed.

Oh, hey, hi Paige. Are you late for work?

Yeah.

Can I give you a ride?

Nope, no, all good.

I actually need the exercise, so.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

There's so much room.

Are you sure?

Yeah just, yeah.

I can give you a ride.

Nope, no, you're okay, thank you.

I can move this stuff from the... the back.

Sure.

Hey. Hey Paige.

Hey Riley.

Uh Paige, you're actually kind of late again.

Not that it's a big deal, I just, you know, I...

I don't want to get the reputation of being a softie.

Not that I want the reputation of being a hard-ie.

No I just, you know, I can't keep letting this slide.

I'm sorry, Riley, I won't let it happen again.

Yeah, of course yeah.

That's cool, cool cool, cool-y cool.

Do we have any muffins left?

Yeah, I literally just baked some.

Want one?

Yeah.

Blueberry?

Morning Glory.

All right, yes!

Hot choice!

Hot choice.

I'll get you that muffin.

One Morning Glory?

Can I get a blueberry one too?

Hells yeah!

That's too enthusiastic.

Yep.

I can go get you that.

So what's his name?

Mark.

And what's he look like?

Kind of like the last guy I dated, but if his face got smooshed.

In a cute way, but also in like a not-as-hot way.

Also, he was a weird kisser.

He wanted me to suck on his tongue for..

Minutes.

Consecutive minutes?

Yeah.

Did you offer to...

Obviously.

And he still...

Yeah.

Okay so,

I've piqued your interest in my sex life, sex mystery.

Meaning maybe,

You want to take a look at this mystery.

Aw, Mrs. and Murray's cat died.

No no, not that. The suspicious death.

The drowning?

Yeah.

Wasn't he a drug dealer?

That's not the point.

Did he sell drugs?