Modern Family

Honey, do you need me to move the car?

Oh, it's not in the way. Okay.

Oh, no. Iron cross.

She's going down. Oh, God. Phil.

You okay?

Yes, I am. I am okay.

Honey, why do we keep this car?

It's a classic. No, it just sits here.

And the seat belts don't work, the doors stick, it leaks fluids.

We haven't put fluids in it in 10 years.

Well, I'm gonna fix all that. You wait.

And then, uh, it's gonna be Haley's car.

Oh, we're not giving this car to Haley.

- It's way too easy to fit a mattress in the back. - Remember?

- Oh, no. We're selling it. - What?

Mm-hmm. Unless you don't think you can.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Seriously? - You can't.

You honestly think that's gonna work? You can't sell it.

You know what? You can insult a lot of things about me:

my hair, my voice, my balance board exercises.

But don't insult my selling. That crosses a line.

What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's 'cause I just sold it.

"While the spray-tanned starlet claims to be six weeks sober,

sources down under say she has been barhopping like a coked-up kangaroo."

Ah, what's Daddy reading to you?

If I have to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar one more time, I will snap.

Oh, it's not that bad-I will snap!

So, um, I laid the toolbox outside and all the supplies are ready.

And I think we are good to go. Terrific.

Aren't you gonna change into a workingman's outfit?

No, I'm good, and I don't think workmen really call 'em "outfits."

We are building a princess castle for Lily.

It's something every father wants to be able to do for his daughter.

You know, and I- And I fancy myself as a bit of a castle designer.

I have done a few sketches.

Which we have archived.

So we can use the kit.

Mmm, yeah. Uh-The kit.

The kit. Which we're gonna do together.

I am petrified to do this with Mitchell.

He built a couple of theater sets in college or something,

and now he thinks he knows everything about building.

Well, he doesn't.

Every home improvement project that we've undertaken has been a near-death experience.

Make the appetizers and then we'll be-

if an accident does happen, I hope he kills me,

because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

Manny, relax. She's not here yet.

You might wanna play it a little cooler.

You don't want to scare off your girlfriend.

She's not my girlfriend!

She's just coming over to study the life cycle of silkworms.

Oh, she's here. She's here! Okay, how's my hair?

- I thought it was just a friend. - I heard that.

I wasn't whispering.

Manny, open the door. Make her feel welcome.

Kelly, good morning. I'm glad you're here.

- Um, this is my mom- - Nice to meet you.

In my culture, mothers are very clingy to their sons.

In fact, the leading cause of death among Colombian woman is when their sons get married.

But I'm not like that. I just want my Manny to be happy.

Manny, why don't you give your friend Kelly an empanada?

Oh, no, thank you. I try to stay away from trans fats.

I'm sure one won't make a difference. They're Manny's favorite.

I think I'm going to stop eating trans fats too.

Hey, Mom, when was this from?

Oh, that's the year your dad and I went to the Rose Bowl.

- lncredible game. - Yeah.

Mom, you look really pretty.

Thank you, sweetheart. So what happened?

Well, Lukey, everyone gets older.

Just 'cause parts of your mom aren't what they used to be, it doesn't mean-

I mean, what happened in the game?

We got our butts kicked by Penn State.

The parade was awesome though. Angela Lansbury was the grand marshal.

Good time, she wrote.

Okay. Guys, let's get back to it.

No one's gonna buy this heap looking this way.

Ew. Mom, which one is the garbage can?

Um, it-

Honey, you can't throw that away. It's Blankety.

It's disgusting. No, sweetie.

You loved Blankety. You wouldn't go anywhere without him.

Yeah, until Luke threw up on it.

Yeah. I used to throw up all the time.

Remember Buckety? Oh!

Oh, look at this. What is that?

We went to the beach one day,

and Luke had such a good time...

that he wanted to bring home a jar of sunshine so he could always remember.

Do you remember, sweetie? Oh, no, no, don't-don't open it.

You really think you trapped sunshine in there?

I'm just letting you know now, I'm not taking care of him when you guys die.

Stop. It's sweet.

It still feels hot. Mmm.

Hey, it's that guy who came by earlier who was really interested.

What was his name? Shoot.

Well, you can't be in sales and not remember people's names.

That's why I like to use what they call "menimonic" devices,

or little tricks to help you remember.

Um, like the other day, I met this guy named Carl.

Now I might forget that name, but he was wearing a Grateful Dead T-shirt.

What's a band like the Grateful Dead? Phish.

Where do fish live? The ocean.

What else lives in the ocean? Coral. Hello, Carl.

I think it's "mnemonic."

I- I think I'd remember. Okay.

You can do it, Dad.

Okay. He looked like the drummer from Foreigner.

A foreigner's from France. France rhymes with ants. Ants ruin a picnic.

What's up, Nick?

Really? Really? Well, that's great.

Yeah, no, swing by anytime. We're here all day.

Thanks.

Guess what? You said I couldn't sell this?

Well, you're gonna be eating humble pie stuffed with crow...

and a big side of sorry, 'cause I just did.

In your face, girl with the negative tattoo.

Honey, wait. No.

Whoa. Someone doesn't like to lose.

Honey. Honey.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

When I woke up this morning, I hated that car.

And even thinking about it made me mad.

But then when we were going through it-Blankety, all that stuff-

I just-The thought of that whole part of our life driving away-

We can keep Blankety.

No. Look at them.

Come on, a minute ago, they were babies.

And now they're driving, and soon we'll all be dead.

Whoa. You're leaving out a few great minutes there.

Retirement, old age,

cool chair that goes up the stairs.

Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm being ridiculous.

Don't apologize. I love you when you're human.

Listen. Hey, listen.

We don't have to sell the car.

Oh, sweetie, of course we do. It doesn't make any sense to keep it.

Well, what can I do to make you feel better?

Nothing. Unless you can build me a time machine.

Honey, until someone can figure out how to keep a wormhole from collapsing in on itself,

that's just a pipe dream.

Phil. Come on back, Phil.

Well, I found the-

I found the nail gun. Oh, yay.

Weirdest thing. It was wrapped in an old towel,

stuffed in a box on the top shelf of the closet.

- Well, just set it down on the counter. -

Heads up! Oh, Dad, what are you doing here?

I'm, uh, just, uh, returning that Crock-Pot that Gloria borrowed.

Oh, yeah, I forgot you had that Crock-Pot, Jay.

Well, we're just getting ready to build Lily a princess castle if you-

- Wanna help? Yeah, sure. - Oh, well, if it's okay with you, Mitchell.

Oh, yeah. Oh, no, Dad.

Oh, remember how much fun we had when we built that bookshelf together?

That was my Vietnam.

And I was in Vietnam.

Oh! Look at us.

Three construction dudes.

Dad, I'm gonna get you some workman gloves.

I have, uh, blue and camel. What's your preference?

Surprise me.

Wouldn't it be easier if we had all of our stuff in the same notebook?

You think? I mean, we're always going back and forth.

I'll just put my things in your notebook.

Who wants chocolate milk?

Sure, Mom.

So how is it going? Great!

Kelly's moving her stuff into my notebook.

This is sudden.

It just felt right.

Oh, you know what you should do?

Put a pinch of salt in the chocolate milk. It really brings out the flavor.

- Salt is for the popcorn. - That sounds good.

You wouldn't like it.

Maybe we should let Manny decide.

Okay. Here's the salt.

We'll see what he likes.

Wow! That's really good.

Try it, Mom.

I don't care for it.

It was delicious.

I finally got Lily down for a nap. Where is Mitchell?

He's not supposed to be unsupervised. Don't worry.

I got him in the garage putting flags on the spires. Okay, perfect.

It works better that way. Nobody gets hurt, we don't have to put flags on the spires.

Yeah.

All right, let's get this roof on. It's supposed to snap right into place.

Hey, whatcha got going on over there, Jigsaw?

I thought that I would get started on the drawbridge while you guys worked on the roof.

- You all done with the flags? - Yeah. It took me like 15 minutes.

It was a lot easier than you made it out to be.

- Do something, Jay. - Uh, Mitch!

Yeah.

How about you make us some sandwiches?

No. No, we're in the middle of this.

I think Jay's saying why don't you go sort some bolts?

- No, I sorted the bolts. - All of them?

There were six. What-What's going on with you two?