The Weekend

Hello. Yes, I'm Zadie, I'm very single.

I feel, like, there is a time after your breakup

when you should be allowed to be completely... pathetic.

I don't know how long that timeframe should be,

but I feel like it should be okay for you to totally act out

Lifetime movie scenarios in your real life.

Like walking alone in the rain

so that you can hide your tears on your face.

Or taking bathroom breaks at work

so that you can cry in the handicap stall.

And don't judge me for using that stall.

I need it, because my handicap is that my heart is broken.

And those railings are the only thing that can hold me up.

I've often looked in my medicine cabinet and been like,

how much Extra Strength Tylenol can I take before it kills me?

I do think that being this pathetic can create a lot of perks,

like, you get out of doing stuff that you didn't want to do in the first place.

I don't get invited to parties anymore

'cause my friends are, like, "Is Zadie gonna dress up for this?"

And the answer is no.

I won't,

I'll probably wear what I wore yesterday.

In fact, I'm wearing what I wore yesterday right now.

And my friends won't bring me out anymore,

because they know that I could be triggered easily by anything.

If I see a pregnant woman in public...

that is bad for my ego.

Unless the pregnant woman is swollen and unhappy,

get her away from me, I don't want to see her...

I don't want to see someone carrying happiness for two.

Unfortunately, there is a deadline

for how long you can be this pathetic,

which sucks, because I think you should be able to be this sad

until you find a new boyfriend.

My breakup was three years ago.

That's not the joke.

What?

-Can I not smile at my friend? -No.

-You still mad at me? -Yeah.

-You still mad at me? -Yeah.

You still mad at me?

-You are so annoying. -

-Wait, wait. -What?

You know that I'm bringing you up this weekend

-to make up for missing your birthday last week? -Mm-hmm.

Which I had to, because I had that TV audition in that show.

-Right, how was it? -Bad. I didn't get it.

-No? Oh, I'm sorry. -Yeah.

That you're lying.

-What? -You posted a picture on Instagram

with an empty box from Jimmy's Pizza,

talking about another Friday night with my man Jimmy.

Am I... Am I wrong?

-No, you're not wrong. -I'm not wrong, that's crazy.

I didn't know you had an Instagram account.

That was selfish.

Sorry.

-But, on the bright side, I brought gifts. -Ooh!

You're forgiven.

-Chocolate mints? -Yeah.

I know they're your favorite

and you can only get them at the movie theater,

and we haven't been going to the movies as much as we used to,

and I didn't want you to miss out.

Ah! No way.

This is signed.

It's nothing. There's a lot of his signatures

floating around and it's very inflated.

But I know how much that book meant to you in college, so...

-This must have cost you a fortune. -It did.

Oh!

I think that was the night that I lost my virginity.

To me?

Was that you?

Thank you.

Yeah.

What's worse than going past your allotted time to be pathetic

and losing respect from your friends and your family...

is gaining sympathy from your ex.

Like, he's heard about your feeble attempts

of committing suicide with Tylenol.

And he wants to be your friend.

So he can help you through the pain that he caused.

And what's even worse is him trying to make me be friends

with his new girlfriend.

That's like someone stealing my house

and then asking me to pay rent.

-Doesn't work like that. -

And my mom's no different.

She's so old school that she told me...

-Thank you. -Don't thank me yet.

She asked. I couldn't say no.

You can always say no, that's what they teach you in rape prevention.

Give her a chance.

-Get to know her this weekend. -Fine.

Hey.

Hey, may I... Do you mind if I sit in the front?

I can't understand what she's saying.

Girl, roll the window down.

We're already having problems.

I can't really see you, the window's too dark.

- Yeah? -Hey.

Uh, hey, girl. Do you mind if I sit...

-Stop doing that. -I don't know what...

Do you...

Stop.

Do you mind if I sit in the front?

Would you mind sitting in the back?

You don't mind, right?

You don't mind.

- I do. -You don't. Get in the back.

-Get in the back. -I do mind.

Oh! ]

-Hey, girl. -Hey.

And I guess, I'll just, I'll get... this.

Hey.

♪ Can't stand this way Of working ♪

♪ Not going this way Of living ♪

♪ Harder ♪

♪ Harder and harder ♪

♪ I can't stand this way Of living ♪

♪ Because I'm from A black upbringing ♪

♪ Mother ♪

♪ Mother and a father ♪

♪ Whoa-oh ♪

♪ I never got the right to say ♪

♪ And I never got The right to do ♪

♪ All I've got is The right to pray ♪

♪ Harder ♪

♪ Harder and harder ♪

♪ I can't stand this way Of living ♪

♪ Because I'm from A black upbringing ♪

♪ Mother ♪

♪ Mother and a father ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh ♪

Hi, Mom.

It's not nice for a young girl to give up.

Hi, Mom.

These are the best years of your life.

Hi, Mom.

Where's Daddy?

-Didn't I tell you? -Tell me what?

-Fishing trip. -He knew I was coming.

Not everything is about you.

I thought I had at least a few more years where everything was about me.

Now who told you that?

That ended when you entered your late 20s.

- Hey, now. -You look clean.

Well, you know.

Karen, this is Margo.

Um, thank you for inviting me.

Bradford invited you.

First room on your right.

Don't slump.

[vehicle approaches, brakes squeal]

You must be Aubrey.

I'm earlier than I expected.

This is your room.

I'll be around if you need anything.

You could knock!

Why? What are you doing in here?

Being grown.

Who was that?

-Who? -The man in the next room.

I think your hearing's funny.

There's nothing wrong with my hearing.

It just takes me a minute to register what you're asking

and if I should be answering you.

It's a guest.

You didn't tell me anyone was coming.

I run a business, Zadie.

How do you think I send you money every month?

It's not every month.

Okay.

I'm just saying, you didn't mention it.

You don't seem to mention much lately.

It's, like, you're getting sneakier the older you get.

The older I get, the less I feel the need to explain myself.

What do you know about him?

That he paid for his room.

His voice is very deep.

He sounds suspicious. Where's he from?

I didn't ask him.

Guests don't like you getting in their business.

But... he did come alone.

Why are you telling me that?

He wasn't supposed to come alone.

I just wish someone would marry you,

so I could quit worrying about you.

Is this Little Women?

You only have one daughter to care for!

Comb your hair.

You wanna get on the blanket?

No, no, I'm allergic to wool.

I once lost half a hairline to a wool beret.

But it looked good on me.

-The beret. -Hmm. Mm-hmm.

And I would lie and tell people

that the asymmetrical haircut that I had

was an ode to '90s Salt-N-Pepa.