Stuart Fails to Save the Universe

Unbelievable. No more mutants. No more giant moths.

- Such a better world. - For you, maybe.

I lost my hawem.

You know those weren't healthy relationships.

It was all consensual.

- Sex for food. - I looked everywhere. No Denise.

She must have been too far away from the inter dimensional bubble

cweated by the Weonard/Sheldon device.

What the hell does that mean?

Well, I don't know. I'm just wiffing.

- Hey, Stuart. - Hey.

- Hi. - Hey.

I can't believe I lost the love of my life and I get you.

- Let's not forget, he killed Raj. - Well, now, there are two possibilities.

One, the world we were just in no wonger exists,

in which case I did not "kill Waj."

Two, that world and this world are part of an infinite number of worlds,

in which case I killed one of an infinite number of Wajs.

Mathematicawy, a wounding error.

Excuse me. I was gonna buy that book.

I'm sorry. Here. I had no idea.

It was unintentional.

- I forgive you. - I appreciate that.

And I appreciate you.

How much do you want

for Superman and Lex Luthor: Best Buddies Number 30?

Best Buddies?

Let me see that.

What the hell?

Stuart, look at this.

This whole wall is Archie comics.

- What? I don't carry Archie. - You do now.

Wichie Wich: Effective Altruist Number 12.

Richie Rich what?

Something's wrong here.

You must have screwed up the machine, Stuart.

I screwed up?

You killed the one guy that knew how to use the damn thing.

Fellas, we're all friends.

- Yeah, no arguing. - Stay out of it.

You're the one who pushed the stupid button.

What was I supposed to do? You're the one who...

We should go.

- That's a lovely idea. - Thank you.

That's not supposed to be there.

- What just happened? - I don't know.

- I have a hypothesis. - I'm listening.

Did you notice the thing on the back of your necks?

What? What thing?

Humor me.

- Oh, boy. - Not good.

Now, try having an argument.

What are you talking about? That's gotta be the stupidest...

You might be onto something.

- Gentlemen, we are in hell. - Really?

- Everyone's being so nice to each other. - Hi!

Yeah, they have devices implanted in their necks to make them nice.

Would you rather push the button on the Sheldon/Leonard thingy

and try another universe?

No, thanks. We could wind up somewhere worse.

Like where humans are a meat source for a highly evolved wizard people?

Yeah, like that.

Or one where everyone's French, but no one speaks French.

What's that?

Best guess?

A giant floating obelisk with no apparent means of propulsion?

You are weawy getting on my nerves.

Stop talking...

Another piece of the puzzle?

Maybe.

I think what we're looking at is your classic totalitarian dystopia

with a dollop of mind control surveillance.

- A dollop? - It means a small serving.

Yeah, I know what it means...

I know what it means!

So, here's what I'm thinking.

We need to go to Caltech and find Weonard and Sheldon.

Okay, you do that. I'll try to find Denise.

With all due respect

perhaps we should stick together.

And you are entitled to your opinion, but I am in love with this woman,

and I have to find her.

I understand.

Thank you.

Idiot.

Shit!

- Hi. Can you help us? - Well, I certainly hope so.

Great. We are wooking for Dr. Weonard Hofstadter

or perhaps Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

Do you have an appointment?

No.

I wish you had an appointment.

- Can we make one? - Of course.

- Then we'd like to make an appointment. - I don't make appointments.

You'd have to contact their personal assistants.

Okay.

And how do we get in touch with them?

You call them.

- Can you tell us their numbers? - Sure can't.

We are in the middle of a cwisis and we weawy need to talk to them.

Sir, I would ask you not to raise your voice.

I'm not waising my voice.

I'm just trying to say...

Sorry.

We're new to this whole button-in-the neck thing.

Thank God.

- Yes? - Denise?

- Who is it? - It's Stuart.

What a pleasant surprise. Come on in.

Gary, you'll never guess who's here.

- You need to be cool. - Got it. Can we start over?

By all means.

Here's the thing.

Weonard Hofstadter and Sheldon Cooper built a vewy special device.

Well, if anyone here could build a special device,

it's certainly those two.

- It certainly is. - You're doing good.

Anyway, the device has torn the fabwic of weality,

possibly causing the universe to cowapse and then weegwo.

- Weegwo? - Yeah, weegwo.

What is weegwo?

Weegwo.

Like a plant weegwos.

- Weegwo? - Wee-gwo.

- Weegwo? - Weegwo.

You stupid, stupid...

He has trouble with the letter "R."

"Regrow." That makes more sense.

Okay, I'm just gonna say it, and forgive me if it doesn't make sense.

Denise, you and I are destined to be together,

and I have come from a parallel universe

to claim you.

- Well, that is really something. - Mind-blowing.

Okay, you're... So, you're like a running joke in all this, aren't you?

- Sorry? - It's not important.

All I can tell you is that you don't have to live

with this AI thing controlling you.

- How? - It's a little complicated.

I've got this machine back at the store that... it...

I... I... it... it...

You're just gonna have to trust me.

- May I ask a question? - Of course.

I realize how upsetting this must be for you.

I'm not upset. Denise, are you upset?

- No, of course not. - What do you want her to do?

Well...

Like I said, I want her to leave you and... and come with me.

- Wow. Denise? - To be honest, it's tempting.

Really?

- Sure. - Sure?

But... that... So, you're cool with this?

- Yeah, she can't stand me. - I can't.

- So, why stay together? - Well, if I leave,

- then Gary would be upset. - Traumatized.

And we've learned not to upset each other.

- 'Cause it hurts. - Ouch.

So, wait, you know that she's unhappy and you're fine with it?

She's only unhappy when she's sober, and that's not very often.

No, no, I have a little problem with the... so...

Okay. What kind of crazy upside-down world is this?

Denise, you have the right to be happy!

There's no reason to stay with somebody that makes you mis...

Yeah.

- Rum and Coke? - Diet Coke, please.

Coming up.

- Let me... - Yes.

- Hello. - Hello.

You know, in another universe, I worked in this building.

Really? In what department?