The Wizards of Aus

Nice of you to join us!

Uh, wait what?

You know we were doing just fine without you.

Okay, I'll just-I'll just leave then, should I?

You don't want magic?

Fuck you, you don't want magic!

It’s a fucking crazy battle! What are you doing?

Focus!

Don't sass!

Now, what sort of of a way is that to talk to a lady?

And that, is why you don't sass!

Come on!

"Hey Jack, you want to flirt?" Okey-dokey, where shall we do it?

"How about on a dangerous battlefield?" Gee, that sounds like fun!

I hope you don't end up with Axe-Face!

Gghhrrrr!

Mggrhhhhhr, Goblin...

That's a fucking bummer!

Hey, guys! Don’t go near the dragon.

I know it's for the king...

Knights: FOR THE KING!!

I picked a helluva day to stop drinking!

The fuck is wrong with these people?

Okay, cool! Ah, you guys got this, right? Sweetie sweetie peteetie.

Well, I’m going to see myself out. Ah, don’t get up!

I see you’ve got your hands full of fire. You fucking idiots.

Fuck this place.

So, ah...

that was my last day.

I figured I was done with that place, and I just needed to find somewhere rational to live.

Here!

And so that's why you migrated to Melbourne, is it?

Uh, in a nutshell... yeah?

Footscray has cheap rent, but anywhere in the human realm would've been... ah... fine.

Mmmmmmm.

Mmmmm?

W-w-what do you mean, 'Mmmm'?

Morgan, if that stuff happened here

It would be the most significant day in your history.

For me, that was...

Tuesday.

Listen, Jack

If that is in face your real name

I can’t honestly say that I know what it’s like to grow up in an arcane vortex of ancient eldritch energy.

Wizard realm, is fine.

Whatevs.

What I can say, however, is if I was to move to the Wizard Realm myself

Which clearly, I'm never gonna do-

Good, don't.

- and I destroyed a national monument, I would hardly be welcomed by

an adoring public, would I?

Honestly Morgan, you might be crowned king.

Not even joking - that's how we crowned our last king!

People back home are fucking psychos man-

Whoa, Jack, Jack, Jack Jack! That's not the sort of language we accept here

here on 'The Wright Perspective',

Sorry. Um, sorry! Swearing isn't really a thing for me, It's kind of a new custom.

Nobody back home worries about it because there's way more dangerous words to say.

Like, for example, if you say 'Fjormangander'-

Then that happens - I'm so sorry, Morgan.

Swearing's one thing, Jack, but you're going to have to learn to hold your heathen tongue.

We speak Australian in this country, not Abra-ca-ding-dong.

Best you remember that!

Everybody alright?

Nobody's hurt?

He didn't turn anyone into a Baby Bones, did he?

Cameraman: Umm... No, uh...

but Susan's a goose now...

Honk!!

Jack, I'm sick of you beating around the bush. Let's cut to the chase and get down to brass tacks.

Wh-what?

I want to see you try and smooth over this prickly business from last week.

Oh, no we don't need to-

Roll the clip!

Reporter: I stand just metres away

from where mere hours ago, the iconic Flinders' Street Station proudly stood.

Now, as Australian's we're used to killer fish, but we're not talking about a Great White.

We're talking about the aquatic atrosity that left citizens with nothing to do - but flounder.

As this amateur footage shows: These teenagers, innocently testing the smell of spray paint

had no idea what was about to unfold when this man let out a sneeze so powerful...

It transformed this historic train station, into a giant, fishy mess.

Good question; No, I have not seen anything quite like this before.

It's a disgrace.

As a vegetarian; I'm offended.