The Conners

Okay, here's your food.

Why is Becky bringing you food?

Darlene's ex-boyfriend's new-agey vegan place

is on my way home.

Yeah, I love the food,

but it would be way too awkward to run into Nick.

Well, I'm not doing it anymore.

It's full of people who think natural deodorant works,

but it doesn't.

Their patchouli disorients you

so the B.O. can attach itself to your clothes

and follow you home.

Oh, yeah. It's on there.

Why would it be awkward for you to run into Nick?

I'm gonna tell you

so that you don't make the same dating mistakes

that I did.

Ben was a schmuck.

And he baited me into a fight that drove Nick away.

Dad said Nick broke up with you

because you're a black widow spider

who sucks the souls out of men

and leaves their dreams tangled in your web.

Prove me wrong.

You know what?

I've had enough of you people making a bad situation worse.

Yes, I've had terrible relationships.

Thanks for reminding me every minute of my waking life.

I'm gonna go eat in the living room.

Wow. She's really upset.

She just needs to be alone with her thoughts.

I think we know what we have to do.

Together: Oh, Darlene!

Come here, big baby!

Captions by VITA --

Thank you so much for making sandwiches for Aldo's boys.

They're odd, but they're actually pretty sweet.

They like me now. Be careful.

They liked the hamster before they decided to play

"Hey, let's see how far we can throw the hamster!"

Sorry for barging in, guys.

Um, Harris,

my dad just showed up out of nowhere

and wants to see the kids.

Could you help me get them packed up?

Okay, well, I'll come with you.

I'd love to meet your dad.

Not a good idea.

See, the thing is, he just wants to see the boys.

He doesn't want to see you.

I've been with those kids. That's not the pick I'd make.

Wait, what's his problem with me?

Have you told him anything about me?

Yeah, totally.

I told him you're a hot 19-year-old

who I met at a tattoo parlor,

and somehow, he spun that into a bad thing.

You gotta get this sorted out before I move in,

or it's gonna be weird when he visits.

Yeah, um, more bad news on that front.

Um...

he's totally against you moving in.

What?

That's insane.

You're 38 years old.

Why are you even listening to him?

He's my dad.

I can't just shut him down without hearing him out, babe.

Look, let's see if we can handle things differently

with your dad this time.

Ask him to come over and talk to me,

geezer to geezer.

Really? You would do that?

Yeah. Thank you, Grandpa.

Aww, that's super cool.

I would have never asked you to do that.

I'd do anything to make my granddaughter happy.

And you remind me of my younger self --

an irresponsible dumbass.

I was, uh -- I was talking to my friends

down at the arcade, and they said at 38,

guys' brains aren't even fully developed.

Don't strain yourself, man. Just take the compliment.

I really needed a chill movie night.

Why do we have to sit so close?

Oh, Ben likes being near the screen,

and I guess I got used to it.

Well, that explains why he's sitting with a date

in the row right in front of us.

Oh, crap.

Let's go. No, no.

I can handle this.

Even though he busted up my relationship with Nick,

I'm gonna show him that I am way healthier

and I am fine with him dating.

Then how about this?

We sit in the back and lob Milk Duds at him.

He'll never know where they're coming from.

No. But I-I-I have to tell him I'm here.

Otherwise, if he sees me,

he's gonna think I'm stalking him.

Wait, is that why we're here?

Are you stalking him?

No. If I were stalking him, I wouldn't have brought you.

You're super loud.

Hey, there!

Hey. Okay, well --

I guess living in a small town

means this is gonna happen once in a while.

Especially at the Lanford Monoplex.

Darlene, this is Laura.

Hi, I'm Darlene -- the ex.

Oh, hello.

Uh, sorry to bother you. Yep.

I just wanted Ben to know this was a total accident...

Oh. ...and I have no problem

with him dating. Oh.

So, if you guys wanna hold hands, go for it.

I'm just gonna be back here with Becky.

Hey, Becky.

Hi, Ben.

So...

enjoy the movie!

What do you think? Handled that well, right?

Yeah.

It was just the right amount of excruciatingly awkward.

Oh, man.

What, you think I made his date uncomfortable?

Let me go fix that. Darlene --

Hi, Laura.

My sister feels like I made you uncomfortable.

But don't be -- I am not stalking him.

The only reason we're at the same movie

is because I love "Ghost World," so I turned him onto it.

But you know what -- it's not like it's our movie.

You know what?

You can make it your movie.

I gift you the movie.

I mean, I'm still gonna be back here,

but you know what I mean. Okay, thanks.

Enjoy the movie. You too.

Okay.

Done and done.

You sure?

You done?

Good!

I kinda like his date's hair.

I do, too.

I should tell her.

Hey, by the way... Oh, my God.

...I love your hair.

I mean, just 'cause I'm the ex

doesn't mean I can't enjoy your style, right?

Y-You know what?

We should get coffee sometime.

Talk about this guy, huh? Darlene.

Darlene, just stop talking to us.

Stop talking to her. Stop talking to me.

Just -- On behalf of people everywhere,

stop talking.

Sorry.

I am very, very sorry.

Let's just go somewhere else

where they don't let crazy people in.

I can't believe you didn't stop me.

I told you we should leave!

I told you you couldn't handle it!

I told you we should sit in the back

and throw Milk Duds at him!

Shh! I told you you were loud.

Remember, Harris really wants this to work out.

Aldo's dad is here, so be nice.

When the hell am I not nice?

Hey. Hey! You must be Jesse.

I'm Dan. Come on in.

Thanks, man. Yeah.

And I'm Harris' aunt, Jackie.

Oh, it's so sweet of you to bring beer.

It's really refreshing to see somebody

who doesn't show up to the door empty-handed.

Oh, I just brought these for me

'cause I didn't know what kind you guys have.

You get used to something, you want it all the time.

It's kinda like your favorite pickle.

I get it. I like gherkins.

You can put one between your cheek and gum

and have your own secret little treat.

Well, I will leave you men to talk about your pickles.

I'd stay, but, uh, I have an appointment

with my psychic.

Aldo's mom was a psychic!

No wait, psy-- psy--

psychotic.

I get those confused.

Why don't we take this in the kitchen?

I'd be a bad host if I let you drink alone.

Yeah, you would.

Oh, I didn't know you had that kind.

I'll take one.

I'll put these back in my truck.