Twisted Metal

Stupid wet-ass wood.

Show yourself! Show yourself or I'll shoot!

No need. I-- I come in peace.

I'm unarmed, promise.

You alone?

Just me.

So, you the guy writing all that Calypso BS?

That's sign 327, if you must know.

Would you care for a Brimbles?

I've got a Strawberry When Wet with your name on it, mister...

John.

How did you get that wood burning?

Just a trick my father taught me.

- So, who is this Calypso guy? - Come on.

I'm sure your... Your Milkman compatriots all speak of him, right?

Nope.

Feels like some bullshit.

No. No, no, no, he-- He's-- He's very real.

Calypso, The Calypso,

will be the great uniter of this broken nation.

Now you sound like a salesman.

Just a believer.

- What? Don't you believe in anything? - Believe in what?

I'm a Milkman on the outside.

- Belief is false hope. - Oh, John...

Belief is everything. Otherwise...

what are you driving for?

Let's say you can make a wish, hmm?

For anything, your heart's deepest desire. What are you wishing for?

Okay.

A home, a family...

a place to park my car for good.

What's so funny?

I mean, come on. Look at you.

You are the captain of your own destiny. You are accountable to you and you alone.

Are you really willing to sacrifice that?

Because, John, other people can bring you down,

make you act against your own self-interests.

You have freedom now, but...

freedom is best enjoyed alone.

Yeah, well, I think you're wrong.

What do I know?

I'm just a man with a ladder.

So, what about you?

What would you wish for?

I think I'd wish to be seen.

To be noticed.

Yes...

I think I'd like that very much.

Enjoy the drinks!

What the hell?

Hey!

Where is she?

I got her.

Oh, fuck off, creep!

Come on! Come on!

Let's fucking go!

Oh, shit!

Hey! Mayhem!

The missiles are tracking the package.

Yeah, no, shit!

All right, drive ahead, we'll watch your six.

Okay, whatever!

Wanna do something?

I don't like the look of that spike thing!

Oh, shit!

Krista, I could really use that EMP.

I'm on my way.

First to cross the line. Fuck, yeah!

It's nice to see you get your hands dirty, Raven.

- It's about time. - Cool stage.

I wouldn't park here, if I were you.

- Yeah, baby. - Yeah.

Let's go, let's go!

I'm gonna circle a little bit more.

We just got our Lord Preacher down for his nappies.

Fuck! Brenjamin, quickly, unleash the tits.

I'm empty and so very raw.

Shit! Then get the Goldfish!

Grimm's still out there. Turn around.

Let go of the wheel, Stu.

Oh, shit!

Here you go.

On the one hand, I am very mad.

But on the other hand, that was a very chaotic move.

And what are we, if not agents of chaos?

But if you get in my way again, I will end you.

Oh, fuck.

I can't shake him! Get him off our ass!

What do you think I'm doing?

Here comes the cavalry!

Oh, hell yeah!

Go! I got Captain Crotch Rocket!

It's time to end this party.

No! Come on, come on.

Piece of shit! I'll do it myself.

That's right. Run, you cow--

Game over.

Go win this.

Hey! What the hell was that back there?

I didn't ask for your help.

Well, don't expect us to fly in and save you again.

You are on your own.

I'm here for one reason and one reason only.

- Fine. - Looks like that's everyone.

Wait! There's another driver.

Come on, come on, come on.

Dollface. Come in, Dollface.

Krista.

Is everyone accounted for?

Excellent.

Congratulations, one and all, and welcome to Twisted Metal.

John, I'm so sorry.

Yeah.

You don't have to worry about me. I'm good.

Not like she's the first person I know who died.

Mic check, mic check.

Hello? Hi, everyone. Can ev-- Can everyone hear me?

Okay. Raise your hand if you can hear me.

Great, great. Thank you.

Welcome to orientation.

If you look out your window, you'll see Tournament City.

I'm still workshopping the name. So, anyway, moving on.

Here's how my tournament will work.

You will compete in multiple rounds, each unique and more deadly than the last.

If you survive, you advance.

The last driver behind the wheel gets their wish granted.

You're not going to make it till sundown, Grimpletons.

I know there's still some tension from the qualifier,

but I have one very important rule.

No killing outside of an official round.

- What? What the... - If you do--

If you do you'll be disqualified from my tournament.

- This sucks shit! - You're not outside the walls anymore.

There are rules here, but there are also perks.

For one, I provided delightful accommodations for you.

Great. High school. Again.

First stop in orientation, medical.

390. Name?

- Sweet Tooth. - Vehicle name?

Also Sweet Tooth.

Okay.

Eighty-nine degrees.

Seems high.

We're also going to need a urine sample.

Whoa! That is a small cup, Doc.

Might as well duck and cover,

'cause you're gonna be in the splash zone.

- Stu, get over here. - Coming.

- I'm his belt boy. - Thank you, Stu.

Malaria, Zika, dengue, Lyme, of course, but everybody has that one.

And those are just the ones I know I have.