Augustin, King of Kung-Fu (Augustin, roi du kung-fu)

I'm calling for the widower's wife.

Are you the person in charge of...

you're not?

Who is?

In charge of casting extras.

It's all over?

May I speak to someone about kitty-crunch?

"Excuse me, but this kitty-crunch ad.,"

...is aimed at what audience?

Mostly men or women?

Cats? That's very interesting.

May I ask... what kind of cats exactly?

"I'm wondering because statistically,"

most cats have brown eyes. Green-brown eyes

which happens to fit my profile well.

"My front-view profile, that is."

Are you producing poppy's return?

Do you still need a Swiss terrorist?

I can come whenever you like.

Now?

That's a pity. I've an urgent appointment.

Some other time.

"Is that you, Augustin?"

"Hello, Mrs. Haton."

Come a bit closer.

I can't see you very well.

When can you come read to me?

Soon

can you remember where we were?

I marked the page but the paper fell out.

"Well, Jackie..."

met that ugly guy with a boat on a Greek island.

Onassis right

she doesn't like him much at first.

But he's very wealthy

...and so is she.

- Will she marry him? - We don't know yet

of course she will!

But does it really matter?

Maybe not.

"Faster, tang!"

That's better.

Sauerkraut a la Strasbourg?

Why didn't you call me?

"Strasbourg, a la sauerkraut."

Cut!

It's the other way around.

Sauerkraut a la Strasbourg. Of course

"twice in a lifetime, 24-7, take 18."

Action!

"I tried to call, then I forgot."

"As they say,"you haven't changed.""

You don't have to say it. Isn't it hot in here?

So why didn't you phone?

I don't know -two sauerkrauts

a la...

was it Salzburg?

What town was it?

A city in eastern France with a big cathedral.

With two spires?

Exactly.

"24-7, take 31."

Sauerkraut a la Strasbourg.

Who the hell are you? What are you doing?

You're a waiter present the food and put it down!

I only had a week to rehearse my part.

I've broken it down into three phases.

Motion phase: I appear.

Static phase: Present the sauerkraut.

Last phase: Touchdown. I lower the food.

Let's do it. Go ahead.

We're not rolling.

We weren't rolling.

May I have some tea?

"The crew seem tired, don't they?"

We all have off days.

At times you can stumble over the easiest lines

the results can be surprising.

I agree. The lines aren't that important.

They're not? - no

it's body language.

"The neck, for instance. It supports the face."

A neckless face... hasn't a leg to stand on.

"Then you have feet, for balance."

Balance is inherently unstable.

So you have your feet to thank for your balance.

I agree. The body's vital.

I only do physical roles now.

Like what? Stunts? Song-and-dance?

"No, only kung fu."

You know kung fu?

Not really.

"Pity. It's like boxing, only it's Chinese."

"I'm not Chinese, but I'm good at it."

Are many kung fu movies made in France?

"I know, it seems a bit impossible..."

but impossible things aren't always impossible.

True.

Fanny? Five minutes.

Coming.

You should get going.

Can you cope with all your lines?

I'm used to it.

"Well, goodbye."

Sorry. I have a problem shaking hands.

I understand. What's your name?

Dos Santos. It was Portuguese.

"Bye, then."

Good luck.

"Faster, tang! You're as stiff as your stick!"

Big oaf!

You'll never beat Wang Chu.

You stand no chance against him

...unless you learn from me.

Bring me a bowl of tea and sit down.

"You have fire and youth on your side,"

but you know nothing yet. Nothing!

You must continue working here.

Leave your family and friends.

It is the only way.

Are you listening?

"Yes, you!"

"You're a man of good will, Mr. Dos Santos,"

but you still have far to go.

Hard work lies ahead.

"To do it, you must create a void inside you."

Seek out new horizons.

Renounce your surroundings.

"Go far,"

far away.

"Back to the roots,"

"the birthplace of kung fu,"

the land of the warrior monks.

It may be nearer than you think.

I'm going to miss you.

Who will read to me?

I don't know.

I'll be going.

How about a hug?

Actually... I'd rather not.

"Goodbye, Mrs. Haton."

'Evening.

Is this hotel Chinese?

"I'm afraid so, yes."

Great! You have a room?

How much?

"150 francs. Shower, no breakfast. One night?"

"No! Much more. I can't say how long, but long."

Your name? Dos Santos

"two "osses". One with a d, one with a sant."

Does the room face east?

"Rise to the east, sleep to the west. Ideally."

Arms back. Tiger stance!

Loosen up.

Can I help you?

Are you master Wang?

I saw the sign with all your diplomas.

You trained in china?

You're sure? Your french is good.

- I've been here 20 years. - I got here yesterday.

"I think, to study kung fu,"

a Chinese environment is best.

As Chinese as possible.

Return to the roots. Renounce my surroundings

beginner? Far from it.

I'm highly trained. I need to work on details.

"For instance, if I may say so,"

"when you showed the tiger stance,"

your tiger's claws looked more like goat's feet.

They did? Explain.

I'll demonstrate. It's easier.

Stand by!

See my claws?

Where did you learn that?

Hi. I'd like to open a bank account.

"Certainly, sir."

How much do you have?

"6,250 francs. French francs."

I didn't bring the coins.

How much is that in Yuan? Hold on.

"That makes about 8,872 Yuan."

Not bad.

"Waterfalls. Niagara-style, but in Mongolia."

Mongolia? Genghis khan? Guts and carnage?

"No! Gushing cascades, constantly glimmering."

Only a power cut stops it. Then all goes black.

"Look at these colors. Mauve, gray, yellow, pink..."

...the lot!

Forever flowing for family fun.

For young and old alike.

Where would it go?

Good question. You can put it anywhere!

"Hall, bedroom, living room."

Not the toilet. Although... it's soothing. Relaxing.

"Rousing, too. It's energizing!"

It's sensual! This cascade is like a silken caress.

Never goes out of style.

And guaranteed never to dry up.

You can't beat the price.

It's so low it's painful.