The Last Man on Earth

Previously on The Last Man on Earth...

I am worried about Melissa.

Hey, guys, how would you like to stay?

You're not gonna regret this.

I know we won't.

You lied!

So you could infect me with the virus!

I think I killed him!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

I told you he was crazy.

Oh, yeah, Lewis, this isn't

a "Who-Knew-Who Was-Crazy-When" contest.

And if it was, I won 'cause I knew it all along.

Oh, please, you could not get his jeans on fast enough.

I put them on very slowly, Lewis.

Hey, hey, why are we slowing down?

- I'm flooring it. Nothing's happening. - It's the gas.

Gas goes bad.

Pull over. We can hide in that house!

Oh! Okay, get in! Get in!

Okay. Okay. Okay.

- Tandy, close the door. - Hey, I'm trying.

- Help me with this. - Okay.

Oh... my... God.

- No way. - What?

I think we might be in Cher's house.

Well, I don't know.

It could be a fan or a drag queen.

Nope, this is definitely Cher's house.

She still looks radiant.

I mean, I-I... I just grazed him! I think I... It was just...

It was just a tap. I mean, Pat's gonna be fine, right?

I definitely heard bones breaking.

I'm night blind,

so I've run over a lot of animals.

Possums, coons,

squirrels, dogs and cats, of course,

and one animal... I never knew what it was,

but it yelled "Stop!"

Might have been a parrot.

Yeah, so I'm thinking just maybe

a couple broken bones, or...?

Oh, no, you hit him dead-on.

I mean, we're talking full on smush.

Yeah, but, I mean, he's gonna be fine, right?

Oh, yeah, a lot of people pull through situations

where their intestines shoot out their butts.

- Good God. - Todd,

you should be hoping you killed him,

'cause if you didn't, he'll be coming for us.

And right on cue, the freakin' peanut gallery opens his shell

and shoots off his little peanut mouth.

Carol, what are you doing?

I'm just having trouble reading your emotions.

Oh, you're irritated.

Okay, all I'm saying with my little peanut mouth

is that we need to be very cautious here.

Yeah, I'm with Lewis.

Let's leave before Pat comes back and kills us all,

or makes us wear those friggin' janky jeans.

Okay, fine, since Lewis has

everyone's panties jumping up their buns,

I'll go over there and check it out.

No way, Tandy! What if they're right,

and he makes us wear the janky jeans?

Look, I'll be very careful.

You know me. I'm an expert at sneaking around.

Oh, my God, what's that?

See?

I'm gonna be just fine.

Pat?

It's me... Tandy.

Now, don't get any ideas!

I'm not alone!

I ran into some ex-Marines and MMA fighters.

Guys, introduce yourselves.

Hey, I'm Jed. Semper Fi!

I'm CJ. Jujitsu is my game!

Oh, hey, there. I'm Frisco.

I'm a neck snapper!

Oh, and hello.

I am, uh, Julius.

Uh, Semper Fi. Another marine.

Okay, Pat, it's me again... Tandy.

Now, we're gonna come out.

Don't try anything stupid, okay?

We're all heavily armed.

Okay, guys, single file.

Come on, hup two!

Pat?

Bud?

You okay?

Pat?

Taking a little snooze, huh?

Pat?

Watch out!

I guess I should probably say a few words.

Get your hat off!

Wow.

Pat, we had some good times,

and then at the end there, we had a really quick bad one

that led to this.

But even though you turned into

kind of a monster there at the end,

and, you know, you tried to kill my brother,

you still deserve a proper burial.

Everybody here? If I could get your attention.

Uh, bring it in, take a knee.

Melissa? Melissa?

Uh, thank you.

Yeah.

Got something I, uh... I got to say.

He dead.

He dead?

He's dead, or he died.

In times of grief,

people often abandon the rules of contraction.

Oh, my God, I killed someone.

Hey, buck up, bud.

You did the right thing.

Yeah,

- you saved us from a ropeable psycho. - Yeah.

You're a hero, Todd. He was a bad guy.

I'm sorry.

I'm gonna need... need a minute.

Oh, way to go, Lewis.

Calling him a hero.

Read the room, dude!

Todd?

Yeah...

Hey, bud.

You're really taking this hard.

Tandy, I killed someone!

That doesn't go away, man.

This'll be with me for the rest of my life.

I'm not sure I know how to live with this.

Come on, Todd, you don't mean that.

I do!

I don't know how to live with this!

Todd? Todd? Todd? Todd?

Todd? Todd? Todd?

- What? - Todd?

Huh?

Pat is alive.

- What? - Yeah, he's alive.

That can't be.

Well, it-it... it be.

But you told everybody he was dead.

Well, yeah, I told 'em what they needed to hear.

You know I do that from time to time.

I mean, how do you think they'd feel if they knew

some deranged maniac was on the loose? Huh?

So I didn't kill him?

No. He's totally alive.

In fact, he's moving around better than I've ever seen him.

Just, like, j... hoppin' around, jumping around.

- I got to go talk to him. - Yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no.

That's a bad idea. That's a bad idea. He's pissed.

This is my mess, and I got to clean it up.

I'm gonna do it with

- or without your blessing, okay? - No...

Uh, uh, o-okay, okay,

okay, yes, yes. Okay, fine, fine.

But let me go over there first, okay? You know that

Pat and I are buds, so, uh, you know,

maybe I can heat up the pool a little before you dive in.

Yeah, sure, okay.

Hey, Todd?

You feel better?

You know, this is gonna sound selfish,

because Pat's alive

and the group is in danger,

but, yeah,

I really do.

Good, good.

Okay, I'll be back very soon.

And-and, Todd, do not tell the others.

Pat? Pat, I'm here with Todd,

like I told you.

He's here to apologize.

Pat! Where'd you go off to, bud?

Pat!

Oh, good God.

What the hell?

_

_

_

I just talked to him, like, an hour ago,

and he seemed to be cooling down.

Something must've set him off.

So crazy. I mean,

what a difference an hour makes.

Heck, less than an hour.

55 minutes. Maybe even 50.

Paint's wet.

Yep, definitely done within the last hour.

Looks like he lit a little incense.

What do these take, like, an hour to burn?

So it must've been lit, like, 30 minutes ago.

So recent.