Space Babes from Outer Space

But Mom, you promised!

I know I did Charlie, but I'm sorry, I've gotta go to work.

I'll have grandpa tell you a bedtime story, okay?

Okay.

Come on, grandpa is good at telling stories.

You brush them toofs?

Yes mama.

Wash them pits?

Yes mama.

Trim that beard?

Get out of here with that!

Now you be a good boy for grandpa, go to sleep and I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

After my bed time story.

Yes, after your story.

Love you.

Love you.

What the fuck was that for?

Because I need you to listen for a minute dad, I got called in, I need you to watch Charlie.

Listen, he's already in bed, he brushed his teeth, but I promised him a bed time story, so I need you to do that for me.

A bed time story, are you fucking kidding me?

No, I'm not, a bed time story.

You're raising that kid to be a pussy you know?

What do you want me to do next, make him a ba ba, powder his ass,

say goo goo ga ga and all that shit?

The kid needs a fucking job!

Listen dad, don't do it for me, do it for Charlie.

You're old, impart some wisdom on him, tell him what it was like when Moses was around,

I don't care just get it done, please.

Thank you.

Look dad, can you just not fuck this up, okay? I'm serious.

Okay kiddo, mom say's I gotta tell you a bed time story, are you ready for this shit?

Yeah grandpa, tell me a good one.

Well I can tell you there ain't nothing good in this pile. Nothing but a bunch of pussified horse shit.

How about I tell you an adult fairy tale.

An adult fairy tale?

Well yeah. I mean if you think that's something you're up for.

You don't want me to read you one of those pussy little baby stories do ya?

No.

Well okay then. This story starts with a guy named Charlie.

Hey that's my name.

Yep, mine too.

No, your name's grandpa.

Well I'm grandpa to you, to other folks I'm Charlie.

And this Charlie, he was about to have the most amazing night of his life.

A night kind of like this one. But this story starts in outer space.

Computer!

Oh hey babes, sorry about the rude awakening.

But it seems our force field has been compromised, and we've got a baddy right on our tail.

I'm going to go ahead and suggest we take evasive action.

Monitors up. Come on Space Babes, let's see what we're up against this time.

All right! Dinner time! Three BLT's! Butts, legs, and titties!

It's another scrote!

Well that really puts a wrinkle in our plans.

Gloss up babes, it's time to play ball.

Prepare for death Space Babes, there is no chance to escape!

A space Babe is always prepared. But death isn't on the agenda today yam bag. At least, not for us.

Hey Babes I don't want to sound testy, but I think we might be dealing with a bigger load than we can handle this time.

We got a second scrote about to join the party, and he's coming in hard and fast!

They always do seem to come in pairs.

Weapon's on standby.

Armed and ready!

Fire!

Ragyna!

On it!

Computer, can you stabalize?

No Babes, they've got us pretty good. Frankly, I'm all out of ideas.

Typical. Here goes nothing.

Engage stalking mode!

They're right on our tail!

Hope they enjoy the view.

Weapon's on standby.

Fire!

Computer, status update!

Energy levels are depleted and their weapons are recharging. It's been nice knowing you Space Babes.

It's now or never Babes.

Hold onto your hooters Babes. Things might get a little silly.

Weapons recharging. Fire in three!

Two!

Spaaaaace Baaaaaaaabes!

The male of our species never did amount to much. The start of their existence is shrouded in mystery.

But it is important to our future, to understand the way they were, and the way they were finally disposed of.

For as long as time has been recorded, they have been regarded at unsavory, unruly, and uncivilized.

This was due to what was later dubbed, the greates mistake of our maker.

They had the numbers, but we had the brains.

The more their agenda became clear, the easier it became to manipulate them.

It wasn't until the year 3,000 that their true desires were firmly exploited,

and their reign of terror was put to an end by a group of brave babes.

These babes lured them into a large craft with the promise of a free trip.

To a newly discovered planet filled with sandwiches, as far as the eye could see.

But unfortunately, due to a mathmatical error-

They didn't make it.

But perhaps even more unfortunate, some did survive.

Now having gone many years without a sandwich.

And more importantly, without the influence of babes,

the fiew remaining survivors raidly devolved into their true forms.

The forms in which we know them to be today.

They must be avoided at all costs.

They are unable to be reasoned with, and will stop at nothing to get what they want.

And that is exactly why we can't chance it Vanassa.

Look, I'm not exactly excited about it either, but what else are we supposed to do?

We don't have enough energy to make it anywhere else.

Computer, bring the monitor back up.

Sure thing!

Wow it sure looks inviting!

Inviting or not, there is no way we are going down there.

So what, you just want to stay put until we run out of energy completely?

Pushing that button blasted us so far out into the backwoods of the universe that we have no choice but to go down there.

Then you shouldn't have pushed the button, it was pretty clear about not wanting to be pushed.

And what, let those bean bags blast us to smithereens?

At least we're light years away from them now.

Sometimes you have to put yourself into a little bit of danger to escape an immediate threat.

Look, I know that neither of you remember the scrotes the days before the sandwiching, but trust me. You don't want to.

That film pales in comparison to how bad they really were,

and there's no reason to believe the men on this planet won't be just as bad. Or worse!

Come on Ragyna, they can't all be that bad.

Oh yes! Yes they can be!

Computer, you're sure we can refuel on this rock?

According to the limited information I have in my database,

the creatures that inhabit it do seem to occasionally broadcast an energy source that shows

a strong possibility of working as a direct alternate to our host energy source.

Unfortunately I am unable to pinpoint exactly what it is, or when it is broadcast.

But your communicators have been reprogrammed with the ability to track it, and harvest it once you are on it's surface.

Well then it's settled.

Computer, please dress us in current Earth fashions and bring us down, nice and easy.

All right, come on. Franky, everybody, get in here.

Time to eat.

Jeeze, where did you come from?

Go get with your friends.

Gotta grow nice and strong, everybody eat.

Oh yeah. Say hello to daddy sugar tits.

What's that girl? You want me to do what?

Here?

Okay, you're the boss.

Holy shit, what the hell was that?

Something ain't right.

Come on Babes, dial up your communicators to scanning mode.

The sooner we can find this energy source, the sooner we can get back home.

Holy asteroids, space women! Three of them!

Oh man, oh man, oh man, the things I can do with three space women?

Dear Penthouse!

Wait a second, I think I'm picking something up.

Yeah, me too.

Me three, follow me Babes.

Thank you Jesus.

Thank you space Jesus!

There it is.

Shit, oh shit.

Stay!

Don't shoot.

Don't you shoot mister!

Hang on Babes, I don't think that's a weapon.

Hey, watch it!

No, definitely not a gun, but definitely the source of the energy we've been looking for.

Then harvest it.

On it, switching over to extraction mode.

Extraction mode?

Touch it! Touch it first!

What?

Absolutely not!

Why not?

Because we don't even know what it is. It could be dangerous.

Use Protection!

I got a rubber in my wallet.

I don't need any protection. I'm not afraid of this thing.

Greetings Earth creature. My name is Carrieola.

Oh man.

He died?

No, he just fainted.

What did she do to him?

Well Charlie he fainted because what Carrieola did to him made him feel something he'd never felt before.

Huh?

I know you don't think much of girls right now but-

Heck no I don't, girls are gross!

Well I guarantee ya, you know years to come, your opinion is gonna change.

Blech!

Well we can wrap it right now if ya want ya know. He died.

The end. Go the fuck to sleep.

Is that what you want?

No, it's fine. I want to know what happens next.

Well okay then.

He fainted, and the babes didn't know what to do about it.

So they moved him over to a nice soft pile of hay, and tried to figure out what to do next.

Is it okay?

I don't know. But the energy source we were detecting is nowhere to be found now.

Why did you touch it?

Because you told me to.

I did not!

Okay, scan complete, uploading now.

Whatever it was, we'll know soon enough.

Hang on Babes. I think it's waking up.

All right Earthling, where did you hide it?

Hide what?

The energy source you were broadcasting.

Broadcasting?

Yeah, broadcasting. Your antenna was out, and we picked up your signal, loud and clear.

Antenna?

For Salzaron's sake.

Computer, can we get those scan results please?

Sure thing Space Babes!

Hang on, scan results? What did you do to me?