Beau Brummell

Uh, the gentlemen have been assaulting those lemons

for the past hour, will it be over soon?

The exercise will be completed shortly, Your Royal Highness.

I'm absolutely famished.

I've had nothing all day except for partridge

and some miserable scones.

General salute.

Draw swords!

With my humble duty, sir, the parade is present and ready

for Your Royal Highness' inspection.

Who is this gentleman?

Captain George Brummell, sir.

Oh, yes. Splendid go with the saber, Captain.

I can't say I approve of your form, uh, really awkward.

Can't be helped, sir. The epaulets rather get in the way.

You don't approve of them?

Oh, they're much too broad, sir.

Narrower epaulets would be more convenient.

Better style too, sir.

Have you any other criticism to level with the uniform?

It's a bit ornate for my taste, sir.

- Ornate? - Fussy, sir.

Simplicity should be the keynote of a soldier.

Don't you think so, sir?

Are you aware who designed the uniform for this regiment?

- Yes, sir. - Who?

You, sir.

You're impertinent, sir! Get off parade!

Beau.

I want a word with you.

Come in here.

- Are you out of your mind, Beau? - He asked my opinion.

You're under arrest and confined to your quarters

until His Royal Highness gets around to you.

It may take some time the way our fat friend moves.

His Royal Highness' size is a very touchy subject, Beau.

We're required to wear ridiculously large epaulets

just because they have a slimming effect on him.

It'd be much more reasonable

and healthier if he would remove a bit of the blubber.

The Prince of Wales doesn't have to be reasonable.

Precisely what's wrong with the system.

- A brilliant criticism, Midger. - I didn't criticize anything, Beau.

I'm satisfied with things the way they are.

Yes, and one day you'll be a full Colonel.

Is that all you want out of life?

Well, what else is there for men like us?

Everything, Midger. All heaven and earth.

A perfect grape, a perfect chair. Dizzy success and dizzy failure.

And the zest of not knowing what's going to happen next.

And when it's all over, looking back

on a perfectly smashing achievement.

Or a perfectly smashing smash up.

I'd rather have a colonel's pension.

- Well, my wife would anyway. - Then leave her, Midger.

Desert her and her three children.

Abscond with the family bank account.

- Mortimer? - sir?

The boots are a bit cloudy.

Buff them with champagne before I go out tonight.

I'm going to pop into town for a bit.

There's a lady I know has a remarkable talent

for reducing the size of a man's troubles.

Don't glower at me like that. No one will miss me.

They'll be at the regimental dinner.

I was ordered to keep an eye on you and I intend to do it.

They're saying out at the back, sir

that you pulled His Royal Highness' nose.

On the contrary, he pulled mine.

Oh, hope it won't mean a court-martial, sir.

Oh, I hope not too. After all such as it is, it's home.

Thank you, sir.

Well, since we're dining in, let's settle the menu.

Uh, two dozen oysters, pint of champagne, the '87.

Royal turtle soup. No, on second thoughts, nothing royal.

Onion soup and very dry sherry.

Lord Edwin is a very charming man.

Quite the most charming.

- Will you marry him? - I expect so.

I don't know really.

I only know that the thought of not marrying Edwin

has never really entered my head.

Don't let it, my dear.

Marriage is the only future for a woman.

As a woman with no future, I can speak with some authority.

Oh, pray be seated.

Your Royal Highness has a marked musical talent.

Well, I put a little spirit into it, didn't I?

- Mmm, Edwin. - Captain Brummell is here, sir.

Oh, is he?

Mrs. Fitzherbert has got a very kind heart.

She suggested that justice would be done

if I were to give Captain Brummell a spanking

and send him up to bed without supper.

Fetch him in. We'll see the fellow crawl.

I have the impression, Prinny,

that he's not the sort that crawls readily.

He's proud and stiff as sealing wax.

In that case, we shall apply some heat to the sealing wax

and watch it melt.

Do you know I can do that without the cracker?

Have you seen this?

- Your hands are very strong. - Yes, they always have been.

At the age of seven

I got my brother, Freddie, by the hair, Duke of York, you know

and it took four footmen to force me to let go.

Four of them.

With Your Royal Highness' permission, Captain Brummell.

Oh, yes. Oh, my dear, may I present Captain Brummell?

- Mrs. Fitzherbert. - Humble servant, Madam.

And Lady Patricia Belham.

The Captain and I have already met informally.

I appreciate your gift.

I shall keep them as a souvenir of my visit.

I only wish they could have been ropes of pearls, Lady Patricia.

I'm beginning to understand

why the army is irresistible, Captain.

Then, perhaps you'll allow me. May I?

You shouldn't wear earrings.

Never embellish what is already perfect.

Upon my honor!

Captain Brummell, you've taken a liberty

with His Royal Highness' guest.

Edwin, I consider the Captain paid me a very pretty compliment.

Well, if it was a compliment, it was a reckless one.

Perhaps recklessness is not undesirable in a soldier, sir.

They tell me that you're quite a good soldier, Captain Brummell.

They tell me moreover that you don't take kindly to discipline,

that you're a gambler, and that you drink too much.

What is too much for one might not be considered too much for another, sir.

Don't interrupt me.

All in all, you're a bit of a non-conformist.

Tell me, Captain, what do you hope to gain by knocking society about?

In my idea, sir, society is very imperfect.

There's a great deal I'd like to change.

Revolutionary.

Ah, it's the age of revolution, sir.

In America, in France. It's in the air.

You're about to get a breath of that air, Captain Brummell.

I believe the regiment is moving out for duty on the continent.

Yes, sir, tonight. The fall in is at midnight, sir.

Oh, in that case, we won't detain you, Captain.

You've been very gracious, sir.

Oh, one moment, Captain.

I'm disposed to overlook the presumption this afternoon.

And I'm sure that now that you've thought it over

you've changed your opinion of my uniform.

I haven't, sir.

But since Your Royal Highness has indicated a desire

to forget the matter I shall be glad to do the same.

You'll forget it?

Dear me, sirrah, you're an impudent pup!

I suggest an instant apology, Captain.

An apology is offered to one you have affronted.

Seems to me that I have been affronted.

However, I do not wish to make a point of it.

Have I Your Royal Highness' permission to withdraw?

I have some packing to do before fall in.

You can ignore the fall in, Captain.

Am I to understand, sir, that I am not to serve abroad?

You're not to serve anywhere, sir!

I won't have you in my regiment!

Get out!

I have the honor to wish Your Royal Highness goodnight.

Mrs. Fitzherbert, I am the humble servant

of your grace and charm.

Lady Patricia, I'm deeply grateful

for your understanding and forbearance.

And to you, sir, my respects.

You could still go with them if you wished.

All you have to do is apologize.

Well, you're very kind, but it's not that simple.

I'm very curious.

What makes a man deliberately throw away a promising career?

I assure you that the size of a button

or the length of an epaulet doesn't mean that much to me.

My self-respect does, however.

Couldn't you bend just a little?

Write the prince a nice note and say you were wrong?

I'm sure he'd restore your commission.

I never acquired a taste for boot licking.

- But he's the Prince of Wales. - And I'm a nobody.

That isn't what I was going to say.

No, of course not, you're far too well-bred,

but you thought it and you're quite right.

My grandfather was a valet.

My father was secretary to a nobleman.

I'm an obscure army captain. Captain nobody.

When you're a nobody you have to be very careful of your dignity,

others aren't. You wouldn't understand this

because your dignity has always been taken for granted.

You have money, title, position

and these are very dignified things.

Even when they are inherited.

You're bitter because you feel inferior.

But does it really make you less inferior to be rude?

I expect it does. A bit.

I'm sorry, I thought perhaps I could help.

- Goodnight, Captain. - Just a moment.

I'm curious too.