Malcolm in the Middle

Mmm, I'm starving. What's for dinner?

Leftover parfait.

It's even worse than it sounds! Once a week Mom cleans out the fridge.

Anything that doesn't have something growing on it gets served for dinner.

Did we have spaghetti or Chinese food on Thursday? Neither.

Ah! No digging!

Sunday, Saturday, Friday.

It finally happened! The fifth level of this week's leftover parfait...

is last week's leftover parfait!

# Yes, no, maybe

# I don't know

# Can you repeat the question?

# You're not the boss of me now

# And you're not so big

# You're not the boss of me now

And you're not so big

# Life is unfair #

Alright, everyone, these are your secret-shopper evaluations.

I'm going to be meeting with each one of you this week so we can discuss...

..how we can make improvements. Look forward to it, sir!

Secret shoppers? They had people spy on us?

What's next? Cavity searches on the loading dock?! It's no big deal.

Companys do this kind of thing all the time. But it's not fair!

How can I work hard if I don't even know they're watching me?!

Calm down. It's, like, a paragraph.

"Employees seem capable, efficient. Personal hygiene was questionable."

Questionable?! What are they talking about? My hy...

"Slovenly"?!

They think I'm slovenly? You're right. This is ridiculous!

"Apathetic, lazy, overweight." What planet are these people from?

I'm taking a fiver.

There's electricity in the air tonight, folks! I'm open, I'm open!

We've been playing basketball with Dad since we could walk. I'm open!

Oh!

Yes! Another basket for Hal!

He's on fire!

We're 0 and 342! We're starting to get a little discouraged! (LAUGHS)

Game point!

You take it out.

This is our last chance. What do we do? Give it to me!

Try another give-and-go. Dewey, go to the basket and run around the pole.

Ooh! That's it! Pass! I'm open!

Ooh, stolen by the Halinator!

He shoots... He scores!

Hal-lelujah!

It was great game, boys. Good hustle.

I hate this! If I wanted to be humiliated, I'd take a math test! Wait a minute. Look.

Yeah. Dewey, get away from that ball! No. He's making baskets.

He's never been able to do that before. You're right.

That's how we're gonna beat Dad - with Dewey.

Which one of you filthy thieves has been rooting through my undies?

What are you talking about? One of you went through my locker!

And ate all my jerky! It wasn't us, Artie. Looks like a rat did it.

Look at the teeth marks! Don't jump to conclusions. Think about it logically.

If the rat was so filled up with Artie's jerky,

would he be chewing on Francis' pillow right now? What?!

Get him!

Die, vermin!

Wow! Francis, you killed it!

And it did eat your jerky.

We got your double bag of paper and plastic. The hair mousse is bagged separately

and I picked your film for you. Can I take this to your car?

You don't have to do that. I insist. That's my job here at Lucky Aide!

Ooh!

Bend forward.

Hi, Lois. Mr Fisher, I wanted to talk about that secret-shopper report.

I think they must've come in when my son Dewey tried to cook breakfast.

By the time I put out the fire - Lois, this isn't personal. It's...

It's not like I'm - Lois, there is nothing for you to freak out over.

We have people in the company

with the skills and the experience to help you.

Wow, Lois! This is, like, gonna be so fun!

OK, let's try it one more time.

Yes! Perfect! Dad won't have any idea what hit him!

He's going down! Do you think he'll cry? Oh, yeah, he'll cry!

You have pretty eyes. You shouldn't hide them behind no makeup.

This is wrong. I do my job. I do my job well.

I dress appropriately and I'm clean. That should be enough.

Or you could be pretty! Put your chin up.

What do they want? I have 3 kids, I run a house, I work 38 hours a week

and they think I should look like a model just to ring up rash ointment?

You tell me how that's fair.

Lois, it's OK to be scared of change.

My boyfriend freaked when I got my driver's licence.

Don't worry, I'll take good care of you.

Oh, God, Hal! You wouldn't believe what happened at work today!

I spent five hours with this stuff on my face in front of everybody!

I've never been so humiliated in all...

You're the most beautiful woman that ever was

or ever could be!

Hey, Francis. I heard you killed a rat yesterday. Is that right?

What? Yes, sir, he did.

Good. I got a rat in my bunk. I'd be obliged if you took care of it.

I don't think - He'd be honoured. We both would.

Great.

What are you doing? I don't know about killing rats! Who cares?!

You like mopping?! Do you wanna see what comes in during bear season?

Baby, bring it on!

What? You think I'm scared of you? I've changed your diapers!

Whoo-hoo!

Dewey, you made a basket!

Good for you!

Alright! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

What are you lookin' at?

Sorry, son!

Hey! Whoa!

Whoo! Rejected!

Good game, boys!

Good game?! You fouled us!

Boys, part of the game is learning how to lose gracefully.

If I've taught you anything it's how to be a good sportsman.

I guess the rat could be coming out of this hole. What are you gonna do?

We could try to lure him out. Anyone have a cookie?

It worked! You did it! I did.

Kill him!

< Go ahead.

Yes! He did it!

That was amazing, Francis!

You have the gift!

Hi, Lois. Thought I'd pick you up a latte.

Thanks.

What are you doing, Lois? You shouldn't be lifting heavy boxes.

I always do it. I'll take care of it.

Hold it a second.

You've watched me lift boxes for four years.

Now you want to help me? Why?

I don't know. I just thought - No! Look me in the face and tell me why!

I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm just gonna go get lunch, OK?

Can I get you anything?

How did it go? Buzz, I don't wanna bore you with the technical details,

so let's just say that cabin 15 is once again rodent free.

Three cheers for Francis! Hip, hip! Hooray!

What are you fools cheering about?!

You caught yourself a couple of tiny rats. Whoopdee-dee!

You ain't nothing until you take out a real rat. You ain't nothing

until you dance in the moonlight with Rosemarie!

Who?

They ain't told ya about Rosemarie, eh? (LAUGHS)

Well, she's the biggest, ugliest, meanest rat north of Kotzebue!

Lives right here under this here building!

Come on, Rosemarie ain't real!

Yeah, she's just a creepy old myth.

Like Stonehenge or boxing kangaroos.

She's as real as you and me.

So, what do you say, Rat Boy?

You think you're man enough? (LAUGHS)

Old man, you better start building a very small coffin.