The Odd Couple

Dani, I can't find my...

Keys? On the counter.

Wallet? In the drawer.

Self-reliance?

Never seen it.

All right, how do I look?

I'm going for "ruggedly handsome"

or "damn."

Oh. Another date with Charlotte?

You guys are like a little thing now.

Yeah, I think tonight might be the night we actually...

...you know.

I don't know. I don't want to know.

I don't need to know.

Sex.

And now I know.

Yeah, she just texted me she's really excited

about dinner tonight but even more excited

to go back to her place for dessert.

Dessert.

I get it, Oscar.

Sex.

You answer one job listing on Craigslist...

Oscar, are you finished with this

half-eaten sandwich I just found in the couch?

Ham or peanut butter?

Peanut butter.

Still working on it.

Hey, guys.

Hey.

Who's your friend?

This is my dog, Biscuit.

What is he doing here?

I thought Brandon got custody in the divorce.

Oh, he did, but he's in Somalia for a week

airlifting food and water to starving children.

Oh. Sounds like a real jerk.

Yeah, Brandon's fearless.

You know, if you don't count the fact that he told me

that he was gay in a text, followed by this emoji.

Felix, come on.

Come say hi to Biscuit.

Okay. How do you do?

Oh.

That's weird.

Biscuit!

I am sorry, Felix.

He doesn't usually do that.

Oh, it's fine.

I'm sure he's just skittish around strangers, you know?

Who's a good boy?

Biscuit's a good boy.

I hope he has all his shots.

Oh, I do.

You know what? He's had a long day.

But I'm sure once he warms up to you,

you guys are gonna be the best of friends.

I'm sure you're right.

Okay, I'm gonna go get him a bowl of water.

Okay.

I just hate when a restaurant makes you pick out

your own lobster.

You know what I do is

I pick the lobster that looks the meanest.

That way I'm a hero to all the other lobsters.

Oh, was that too loud? Is your son around?

No, he's at his dad's tonight. We have the place

all to ourselves.

Well, then allow me.

Oh.

Oh.

You're giving me chills.

There's more where that came from.

Um, would you like a drink?

I have milk, fruit punch, squeezable yogurt.

They all mix well with vodka.

I was hoping we could skip right to... dessert.

Oh. I like the way you think.

Give me a minute.

I've got all night.

How do you feel about whipped cream?

Oh, yeah!

I hope you're not disappointed.

They got a little saggy.

Well, let me be the judge of...

You actually made dessert.

Well, you said you like chocolate.

I do.

Now, where was I?

I believe the back of your neck.

Oh.

Oh.

Well, that was a fun night.

"Was"?

I should turn in early.

I have an emergency meeting in the morning.

Symphony orchestras have emergencies?

Yeah.

The strings are high-strung, the horn section is horny.

It's a mess.

Well, I...

guess I'll go home then.

Sounds good.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Well, at least my shoes get to see her naked.

Ooh, something smells good.

What is it?

Oscar, don't.

It's dog food for Biscuit.

You're actually considering it, aren't you?

I had a light lunch.

Why are you doing all this?

Well, Biscuit means the world to Emily,

and Emily means the world to me.

So I'm going to do whatever it takes to bow-wow him.

Well, let me know how it works.

I may need you to cook something to bow-wow Charlotte.

What happened?

Nothing! Nothing has happened.

We've been going out for weeks,

and she still doesn't seem interested in...

...you know.

Sexual congress.

You can make anything sound boring.

I don't know what the problem is.

Am I losing my touch? I thought she liked me.

I think that she does.

And that's why she wants to take it slow.

And you should want that, too.

Why?

In the past, you've always jumped into bed

with women that you barely knew. And what did it get you?

Several thank yous.

Countless high-fives.

That's right, loneliness and regret.

But now you have a chance to build something real

with a woman you seem to genuinely care about.

Yeah, I really do.

So why don't you do something different and hold off

on the physical until you've had a chance to establish

a real emotional connection with her.

Look at Emily and me.

Yeah, that'll put me off sex.

We were friends for an entire year before we consummated.

And now our relationship is a model of perfection.

You are cooking for her dog.

Please. I'm just throwing a little something together.

Now, where is my caramelizing torch?

Hi, Dani.

Hey, Charlotte. How's it going?

Good. Why?

What have you heard?

Has Oscar said something?

No. What are you talking about?

Well, I probably shouldn't be talking to you

about my, you know,

physical relationship with your boss.

And you'd be right.

Check the box next to "Right you are."

But who knows him better than you do?

A lot of people. His parents. His college friends.

His bookie.

It's just...

I haven't been with a man since my divorce.

Or you could call a girlfriend and grab a Chardonnay.

And I know that Oscar is ready for sex.

I'm just not sure I am.

I've seen the kind of women he dates,

with their 25-year-old skin and their perky...

everythings.

Oh, Charlotte, I hate to see a good woman down on herself.

Listen, you are gorgeous.

And Oscar definitely thinks so, too.

Really?

Absolutely.

He says inappropriate things about you all the time.

That's so sweet.

You know, maybe I have been overthinking this. Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Tonight's the night. Thanks, Dani.

Oh. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. You're welcome.

Now, you just go on out there and you get your man.

And let's never, ever talk like this again.

Hey.

Room service.

A kiss for the lady.

And for the gentle dog...

a kibble casserole.

Oh.

Wow, fancy.

Biscuit, look who's here with a special treat for you.

There you go, young man.

That, uh, might pair nicely

with a slurp of toilet water.

Look, he likes it.

Oh.

Hey, Brandon.

Biscuit's doing great.

Yes, I read him