Call Girl of Cthulhu

There's a room filled with dinos and incense

Bathed in magisterial light

You hear it took a forgotten language

Turn what you will into night

There names into the old stuff

They bought what soft brigades

They need a little blood on the alter

They burn but don't have to spew

Bleed until they drip me clean

We need you both

We need you to worship all the shadows

Some type of episode

Some frightened evolution

We need you talked to but we don't understand

Some men with guns and you don't get it

It's all made in destitution

We need new cults

We need new cults

We need new

We need new

We need new cults

We need new cults

We need new

We need new

We need new cults

we need new cults

we need new cults

We need new

Glad you could join us.

I'm Detective LaGrassi.

I want you to tell me what happened at the church

of Starry Wisdom.

Why so you can laugh at me?

I've read your book.

Human sacrifices, alien gods,

hookers giving birth the mutant babies.

You see Mr. Wilcox, we have 43 dead bodies.

Well anyway I think it's 43.

It's kind of hard to tell when you can't piece

all the parts together.

I hope you like jigsaw puzzles.

And I got the centers for disease control on speed dial

because there's some new STD going around

that no one has ever seen before.

I hope you don't sleep around Mr. Wilcox.

Look I tried telling the police.

Try me.

Start at the beginning.

Alright.

I was in a bad place.

I was starting to think that there was nothing special

in the world.

Hey there loser, it's me, the girl you'll never get,

Missy Katonixx, and this video is for all you

desperate virgins out there.

I'm gonna teach you how to fuck

because let's face it, you can't spend the rest of your life

beating off in your parent's basement.

Oh fuck me harder.

Carter, this is George Angel from the Arcon Post

I need that cover art tonight.

We go to press in six hours Carter.

Get your shit together.

Carter, do you have any condoms?

No.

Well, could you go pick some up?

I'll take it off your rent.

Sure.

I have to go to the art store anyway so.

Baby, you know, we don't have to use condoms all the time.

Safe sex or no sex.

Hey man, you got somebody special in your life?

damn she's got killer tits.

I'd love to play those cow drums.

Pick up some magnums.

They don't call me the dick for nothing.

Hurry up, don't stop and smell the roses.

Get a room.

Come in.

Mr. Suydum?

Please call me Sebastian.

I'm not sure what you're into, but I brought some things.

Oh.

I've got some things too.

See anything you like?

Those won't be necessary.

Take your clothes off.

Quickly.

Easy there Mr.

Spanking costs extra.

Is something wrong?

we didn't discuss a group rate.

Well that went down easy.

Let's roll.

Alright you two, knock it off.

Is everybody ready?

Copy that.

Squid?

Squid?

Come again?

I'm sorry I'm so, small.

I wish I was,

well you know, bigger for you.

It's a good size Walter

You know Riley I left my wife for you?

Will you kiss me on the mouth?

Walter, you're my Prince Charming.

If I kiss you, you might turn into a frog.

You're so special.

Walter nothing is special.

You mean the world to me Riley.

If there's anything you ever need,

my door is always open.

The most important book in the history of mankind

and he leaves it in a hotel room.

They didn't go far Professor.

Better move your ass.

Hey there fellas, you've reached

Tempest Mountain Escorts.

Looks like we're too busy getting busy

to take your call.

Leave a message and we'll return it with a massage.

Ashton, you trifling asshole,

if you forget me one more time, you can kiss me goodbye.

Don't you two ever come up for air?

Oh I'm sorry Professor, we didn't hear you.

Well this is serious business, you two better

start using your heads.

I got it.

I got it.

You're late dickhead.

Where the hell were you?

Stay sweet my peach.

Don't make me take you off the menu.

Back again loser?

How old are you?

And you're still a virgin?

You are pathetic.

Mr. Wilcox, I am not interested in your love life

or lack there of.

Would you just listen to me?

There was something about this girl.

She was different.

I just had to see her again

but I wasn't the only one looking for her.

Are you Carter?

Yeah.

Come in.

Nice place you got here.

Can I get you something?

I'm fine,

sit down.

You're making me nervous.

So, first thing's first.

I get the money up front.

Right.

Sorry.

Alright hunni, let's cut to the chase.

What are you looking for?

I don't bite

unless you're into that stuff.

Actually I was wondering if maybe we could,

if I could paint you.

This is a bachelor party?

Relax pumpkin, it's cool.

You better pay us double for this.

If you peel my banana tonight, we'll call it a deal.

It smells like the hippo house at the zoo.

Well the money is right so brush it off.

You made these?

Yeah, it's um,

the only thing I'm good at.

You're lucky.

I'm pretty sure sex is my calling.

I don't think that's true.

Do me a favor?

Ignore my birthmark.

It's gross.

I like it.

I mean, I like who you are.

You don't know anything about me.

Sorry that's my roommate.

She makes music.

I call it noise.

Can you have her turn it off?

Hey Erica?

My model asked if you could stop playing.

Model?

Hi.

If you break his heart, I'll break your face.

Carter, you dog!

Erica please leave.

No but this is adorable.

I give you 10 seconds before you pop.

Good evening Mr. Abon.

I'm excited to meet your girls.

Let me show you what's on the menu tonight.

We got Cherry Pie, Honey Melons,

and my personal favorite, Jerusalem Artichoke.

I'm looking for something special.