Psych

What's with the Michael Jackson outfit?

That's, like, two years old.

I got scared.

You were supposed to be Billy Ocean.

Why would Michael Jackson

sign with Roland Orzabal?

Why would Billy Ocean sing with Roland Orzabal?

'Cause he's awesome.

Now we gotta add the moonwalk into Shout

and hope the judges don't slam us for it.

I don't know how to moonwalk.

You better learn quick.

Shawn Spencer and Mr. Burton Guster.

Let's give 'em a nice round of applause.

You're stiff.

Inarticulate.

Slightly jaundiced. Asymmetrical.

You smell.

The one on the right...

there's something in your teeth.

All in all, I'd say

there's absolutely nothing worthwhile

about either one of you.

But we haven't even sang yet.

Apples and oranges.

Anybody else?

I like 'em.

Well, of course you liked them.

You've been asleep for the last 45 minutes.

Zapato? Well, I...

Good. Moving on.

Coming up after the break...

You see what I mean? Shh!

You shooshing me for reality TV? Shh!

Dude... Zip!

I'm Lester Beacon and this is American Duos.

Rule number one, Shawn...

no talking during Duos.

Oh, for the love of Lori Loughlin.

Please use the pause button just once.

Why did we get TiVo

if we never fast-forward

and I can't stop for commentary?

Whoa, no calls either.

Gus, don't be a rabid porcupine.

This is just another knockoff

of the other knockoff

of the original knockoff of that other show.

And welcome back to American Duos.

First of all, Shawn,

look at the guy on the right.

Zapato?

He's not black. He's Latino.

That's different.

The contestants in this one are duos,

which makes it way more compelling.

They have to mesh; Become one soul.

Like V'ger and Stephen Collins in Star Trek I.

And they're shooting in Santa Barbara this year,

which more than compensates.

Don't you dare answer that.

Dude, it's Jules.

She could be bleeding and in a ditch.

She's not bleeding. She could be in a ditch.

She's not in a ditch.

She could be lonely and in the shower.

She has a shower phone? I certainly hope so.

Dude, it's a win-win...

except for the ditch one.

Hello?

Nothing... at all.

We'll be right there.

Shawn!

That's it. I'm canceling the TiVo.

No more frame-by-frame.

No more Ghost Cat.

I recorded that by accident.

Then why didn't you erase it for three months?

Fine, but I'm putting up

the official Burton Guster spoiler alert.

Until I get back and watch the recording,

nobody utters a word about American Duos.

That's going to be difficult.

Why?

Oh, wow! That's Nigel St. Nigel.

You know, you were totally unfair

to Catherine Clement in season two.

I don't remember the person

to whom you are referring.

But she was hideous.

This is them?

Yes, this is Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster...

our resident psychic team.

The answer is no.

Mr. St. Nigel, this is exactly what you asked for.

Hear them out.

There's no reason.

Hear... them... out.

Nigel needs protection.

Do you realize you're in a police station?

I don't trust the police.

They're useless.

No offense.

Oh, none taken.

Mr. St. Nigel has been the victim

of a series of attempts and threats on his life

by a crazed stalker.

He believes that even the police

could somehow be in on the conspiracy

even though we've assured him that...

I can speak for myself.

And stop slouching.

Every time I bring in

some sort of professional protection

my attacker gets closer.

My car has been tampered with.

My trailer has been broken into.

Accidents follow me everywhere.

What I need is someone

who can anticipate my attacker's next move.

Someone who can move about undetected.

You're talking about a psychic.

Someone who can see danger before it occurs.

Someone who can say, "Nigel, duck!"

Before the bullet exits the chamber.

Spare me the theatrics.

Can you do it or not?

Look, we are asking you to go undercover.

No one outside of this office

will know that you're on the job.

What about Detective Lassiter?

Absolutely not.

His hair looks like

it's been poured out of a cake mold.

Nigel, get ready to feel safe.

Jules, I need complete access to the theater.

Green rooms, air shafts, spokesmodels...

Whoa, whoa, slow down.

We need to think this through.

Come up with a plan.

You'll need to blend.

Obviously the local police already know you

so a false identity...

I already have a plan.

You have a plan?

What is it?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you wanted us to be stealth.

Bring on the next contestants.

Presenting Shawn Spence Starr

and Gus TT Showbizz.

Good luck, guys.

Hello.

So, what do you two hope

to get out of the competition?

Just hope to be here long enough

to do something awesome.

Uh-huh.

Well, you know, round one is the most...

Why don't you just go ahead?

Warm up.

You're warm. You're red hot.

Wrong verse.

Really?

Well... that was, um...

something. Mm-hmm.

Something awesome.

Honestly, guys.

Bad news.

I mean, this is gonna hurt...

Although I do love your style

because you both chose to wear purple.

But I think we need to be fort...

forth...

ford... forthright

in saying that...

That we cannot even begin to understand

how brilliant that was.

What are you... are you crazy?

It was real. It was rough.

Post-post-postmodern,

yet challenging.

Sandpaper-esque.

They weren't even singing the same verse.

I'm voting no.