The Goldbergs

For as long as I can remember,

Beverly Goldberg loved to dance.

Sure, her fearless mom moves were embarrassing,

but you had to admire her pure passion.

You can't blame the lady.

This was the '80s,

the golden age of the cheesy dance movie,

most notably, Flashdance,

the tale of a working-class girl

who wanted to boogie with the best.

I don't think she's ever gonna get into this dance school.

Even the lady judge isn't supporting her.

This movie is insane.

She's so graceful and yet from Pittsburgh?

Shh! Screw you!

Some people! Jerk!

But, as fate would have it, that year,

flashdancing made its way to Jenkintown.

Break out your hottest leg warmers, ladies!

It's time to flashdance.

"Bring your boogie-woogie and a towel"? Ehh.

Come on. It's our chance to live the very realistic story

of a steelworker turned modern dancer.

Please! No one wants to see four moms

shake their tushes at the JCC.

Our entire lives revolve around our kids.

But I have learned something very important

from the Bevolution.

Is that still a thing? The biggest.

And it's taught me that unless we make time for ourselves,

our wonderful families will leech us dry

of our youth and spirit.

I guess I do have a little time between school drop off

and school pick up, and sports drop off and sports pick up.

Well, it sounds like a small window, but I'll take it.

How about you gals? Maybe it wouldn't hurt

to stay in the back of the class and pick up a few moves.

While they didn't stay in the back of the class,

they did pick up a few moves...

Or whatever this is.

And pose!

Not bad, ladies.

Not bad? Uh, we have taken our passion and made it happen!

Whoo-hoo!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, fellas.

Dance class just let out.

Now, this is why we come to the Jenkintown JCC.

Aw, yeah.

Wait, I take it back! That's my mom!

And she's with my mom!

Hey, Bar. Don't hug Mama, she's aglow with dance.

Why is your shoulder exposed?

Mama's just flashdancing.

Well, you're flashing too much!

Don't listen to him, hot moms.

Johnny Atkins is a shoulder man.

They all look encouraged by his creepy words.

Barry, do something! What?

Cover your shoulder with my sweat towel! Right now!

Please.

Okay, stop it. Just stop.Get off of me.

Get out of here. Just get out of here.

It was April 11, 1980-something,

a typical Saturday night

for me and my best friend, Emmy Mirsky.

God, I love Blades of Steel.I call Penguins!

Why do you always choose the stupid Penguins?

'Cause they're my favorite animal. Also, they do this.

And I'm down.

You just make it easy by sucking.

It was more than a friendship. Emmy was like my sister.

Ever since we were kids, we did everything together,

from Nintendo marathons to treehouse slumber parties.

Brian McMahon made it pretty darn clear.

Do you like him, yes or no?

You know what? I'm marking yes.

And best of all, our traditions continued through high school.

I don't know, Muscles. Your mom is super against

getting your ears pierced. Just do it, nerd!

Okay.

Three, two, one, and...

All right, welcome to pickleball!

Do not be fooled by its comically delightful name.

Pickleball is a serious sport.

It combines the greatest elements

of tennis, badminton, and Ping-Pong.

Time to pick your pickleball partner.

Just make sure your partner for pickleball

doesn't already have a pickleball partner picked!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

You wanna play forehand or backhand? I'm super bad at both.

Uh, actually, Brian McMahon

already asked me to play with him.

This was Brian, one of the most popular kids in school.

The dude was painfully shy, but he made it look cool.

Wow, Shy Bri actually talked to you?

See ya at lunch!

No partner, huh, Goldfarb?

Eh, it's all right. No shame in that.

At least that's what the school instructs me to say.

Maybe I can just do a related assignment like eat a pickle?

Don't worry, Coach has got your back.

Now engage your core! Let's go!

Yah!

Mine! Mine! Mine! Ah!

There's the beef! All me! All me!

I got it! I got it! I got it!

Eat my shorts!

Get out of the way!

Yah!

That's game! 21-zip!

Learn from it.

I learned that this game sucks.

Ha! He's mocking what you care about.

Laps! Now!

Both of you, let's go!

And as for you, if we're gonna pair up again tomorrow.

I need you to run some drills after school.

Bring six gallons of water.

Thanks, but I'll be back with Emmy next class.

Yo, we're grabbing some Gino's for lunch.Rad! I love Gino's!

If I'm not back for study hall, cover for me.

Oof! That was tough to watch.

Well, Coach is here for you.

Except during lunch.

That's when I have my 67-vegetable smoothie.

But I'm happy to talk again on my jog home.

Emmy's been my best friend since second grade.

Dating Brian won't change anything.

All right, listen up.

Part of growing up is growing apart.

You and Emmy are always gonna be friends,

even if you don't hang out or talk

or she can't recall your name immediately.

How am I doing? You feeling any better?

Not at all! Yeah, this one got away from me.

As I panicked about my future with my best friend,

Barry couldn't get past our mom's new hobby.

The JCC All Ages Dance Recital?

It is a celebration of the sweet moves

we learned from 4:00 to 6:00 on Tuesdays. And you're going.

Adam, come in here and get my back!

This is gonna traumatize you, too.

Unlikely. There's nothing worse

than losing your oldest and dearest friend

to the popular crowd.

Uck, I literally just fell asleep.

Dad! Kill her dance dreams now!

Just go to her damn show and let me know how it went.

Oh, no, you're going, too.

Can't. I got a work thing. You don't even know when it is!

And I have a work thing, too.

You don't even have a job! That checks out.

You are gonna support your loving mother

because she has supported everything

her precious babies have ever done.

Dammit! I am so jealous Erica escaped this house

and made it to college.

Where are they? My life is over!

Where are the pictures of my boyfriend

making out with that skank Bridget Greenley?

Surprise!

Geoff's not cheating on you.

I just lied to get you here. Isn't that fun?

I drove home from D.C. at 90 miles an hour

with tears in my eyes!

Well, the good news is, your love is still intact

and your mother has a dance recital tomorrow!

Ha! You have to sit through Mom's gyrating garbage with us.

All right, I can tell from the hateful language

that I have doubters here,

which is why I'm going to give you

a little preview of what's in store.

And with that, my mom took her six weeks

of rigorous JCC training

and put her heart and soul on the line.

Much like the toe-tapping Jennifer Beals' audition

inFlashdance,

Beverly Goldberg would win over her condescending critics

using the soaring magic of dance.

You've been flashdanced!

Thank you for bringing me home from college to see this!

I can't breathe!

It hurts! It's so funny it hurts!

Seriously?

You're laughing at me after I just danced my heart out?

Thanks, Mom! I needed a good laugh.

It hurts! Aah! Oh.

Are you okay, Dad?

No, he's not okay!

He literally injured himself laughing at me!

Enough!

All you people do is call me a smother and beg me to change.

And then when I finally try to do it,

you mock me with your mean spirits!

Thank you. This is the most fun

that we've had as a family in a long time.

Ha! So funny!