Taskmaster NZ

Ta-da!

Oh!

Nutsack!

Good evening. This is the eighth episode of Taskmaster.

My name is Jeremy Wells, and I am the Taskmaster.

Many months ago, I set five comedians a series of challenging and baffling tasks

which they attempted to complete at our top secret location.

Tonight, I will judge them all. Why? Because we're eight episodes in

and there's no turning back now.

At the end of the season, only one will be crowned Taskmaster Champion,

and they will receive this most opulent cranium -

a golden head which vaguely resembles me.

Let's meet our comedians. They are, as always, and as they always have been,

Angella Dravid

Brynley Stent

Guy Williams

Leigh Hart

and Madeleine Sami.

And to my left, my partner in crime, except I'm more his superior than a partner

and we don't do any crimes. It's Paul Anthony Alan Jones Williams.

It's good to be here.

You gonna do one of your bits?

- What do you mean? - Well normally you do a weird bit here.

I don't think I do - not intentionally anyway.

Sorry, I didn't really know that was a thing. Um...

I guess...

You-I got a brownie.

- Do you want a brownie? - No, I don't want a brownie.

No, you got anything else?

No, just more brownie.

Sorry.

I suppose that's kind of weird.

Paul, please introduce the first task.

It's time for a prize task.

Each comedian was asked to bring along something that belongs to them

and potentially give it away as part of our prize haul.

This week, they've brought something that sounds amazing

- until you see it. - Oh!

So, the Taskmaster will decide which sounds the most amazing.

That person will receive five points.

The person with the most points at the end of the show

will take home all five amazing-sounding but not amazing-looking things.

Ok, I'd like to see Brynley's thing first, please.

I've brought along the Fiji Mermaid.

The Fiji Merm- Well, that does sound amazing.

Yeah! So, this is a picture of it here.

This is a replica, obviously, I've created out of clay.

So that's the Fiji Mermaid. Beautiful.

Wow. It's not as sexy as I thought it would be,

and it's not as Fijian either.

It looks like Satan's butt plug.

How do you know what that looks like?

If I was in hell and, I was looking for a butt plug, that'd be a goer, I reckon.

Guy, what did you bring in?

I brought along my dad's Christmas gift to my mum every year,

which is a photo book of all their special memories throughout the year.

It sounds lovely, right? Lovely gift- a shared experience in photos.

The problem is my dad just buys this with one click off Facebook every year.

He doesn't edit the photos whatsoever,

and he creates what can only be described as a diabolical shit storm.

So, I have the actual book here,

- if you would like to- - Thank you.

Now, the first thing that's interesting about this is it's titled

'My Facebook Photo Book.'

Now, obviously, you're supposed to change that

as the first step of editing. Now, the first photo on the first page -

the time some flooding happened near his house.

Who could forget? My mum must be cherishing this special memory

It should be special, but it's just garbage.

- Leigh, what did you bring in for us? - Good question, Jeremy.

What I brought in - and at first glance,

it may appear like something I just found on the car outside the show

let's say, 20, 25 minutes ago. But...

I'll tell you it's not.

These are my Uncle Hank's Boston Marathon sports shorts, ok?

Wow.

There you go. Pretty amazing until you see them.

It didn't really sound that amazing,

and the end result's not that amazing either, to be honest.

Well, I will tell you this - he was never actually in the Boston Marathon.

That's why it's less amazing once you see them,

when you know the whole story. Um-- Did you prepare for the tasks at all, or...

That's more of an off-air question, I think.

- Mads, what have you got for us? - Well, I've just moved into a new house

and we're talking about renovating,

and I was trying to keep up with the jargon my builder talks about,

- and he mentioned a thing called a dwang. - Oh.

Which I thought sounded equal parts kind of exciting and erotic.

But, uh, here is what a dwang actually is.

So, yeah, it is a thing. It has a Wikipedia page.

'A dwang or a noggin is a horizontal bracing piece'

'used between wall studs or floor joists'

'to give rigidity to a wall or floor frames of a building.'

Honestly, it's probably one of the most boring fucking things in the world,

but it's got kind of an interesting name - a dwang.

No, I agree with you on that.

- Angella? - Um, I-I collect a lot of nudes.

What are we gonna to see here?!

- These are just my collection of nudes. - Ok.

- Nice. - Right.

You have let an excited nation down there, Angella.

This is actually quite tricky, I've got to say.

Because we're all so good?

- They're all pretty good. - Yeah.

Finally, I think we've got five decent ones.

Wait, wait, wait. Leigh's shorts.

Finally, we're taking it seriously this time.

I think it's fair to say that Leigh's shorts get one point.

I think two points goes to you, Guy.

Yes, it isn't that exciting - you're right,

but it wasn't an exciting thing to start with,

so I think you get two points.

Brynley, I'm concerned about what your thing even is.

- Yeah. - But I think you get three points.

I think, Angella, you get four, because the nudes were great

- and then not so exciting- - That's the first time I've heard that.

And Madeleine takes out the task with five points

- with the dwang. - Thank you. Thank you. So boring.

Now, it's time for something that sounds amazing and also is amazing.

It's our first proper task.

What do you have in store for us, Paul Williams?

This one is for the fans of nostalgia.

Anyone here remember nostalgia?

Well, this task is for you.

Hi, Paul!

Boo!

Hello, Leigh.

Handless entry.

Cool. Um...

- can I open it? - Mm-hmm.

School lunch box.

Hundreds and thousands sammies.

Little wafer biscuits.

'Get someone you went to primary school with on the phone.'

'Fastest wins. Your time starts now.'

Wow. Ok. Primary school.

I mean, this task, to me, strikes me as somewhat unfair,

because Guy Williams has the massive advantage of sitting opposite his brother,

who surely he went to primary school with.

- What would you like to see how he did? - I'd love to.

Here's Guy Williams from St. Joseph's School in Nelson,

and I'll throw in Brynley Stent of Waimairi School in Christchurch as a bonus.

Who'd I go to primary school with who I still know now?

Um, just don't think I'm friends with anyone at primary school-

Oh, wait! Ok, my brother. I went to primary school with my brother.

I went to primary school with my brother.

Please pick up.

Come on, Callum. He's a busy boy.

- Hello? - Hello, Callum! It's Bryn. How are you?

Busy.

- Yo! - Hey, Jules. It's Guy.

- How's it goin'? - Not too bad, mate.

I'm just trying to win a competition on TV

to be the fastest to call someone from primary school.

Oh, cool!

Ok. I'll-I'll leave you to it if you're busy.

Yeah. That'd be good.

- Ok. Love you. Bye! - Bye.

- Didn't get a 'love you' back. - I know!

Celebratory bite of a prop fruit?

I think it's time.

Wow.

We're up to ep. eight.

- Are you trying to lose this on purpose? - No!

Before we played this,

I was genuinely excited to see this clip cuz this is one of my best ones.

I did that in, like, 30 seconds. I felt so good about myself,

and then you tore me down by pointing out that, yes, in retrospect,

I should have just called my own brother

who was sitting right across the table from me.

Brynley, I worry about you and your brother,

because normally, what parents say is,

'You seem busy. I'm going to let you go.'

And you said that to your brother. He answered the phone with, 'I'm busy.'

Yeah.

He was busy. Yeah. He's an architect. He's got a lot of busy architect things to do,

and I'm a comedian who's pissing around in a caravan, so...

- Would you like to hear how they did? - Love to.

Brynley - 1:30.

And Guy - he was spot on. 30 seconds.

Yes!

Yes! Yes!

The people's champ is here!

- Is there time for another, Paul? - There is.

From St. Patrick's School in Napier and Onehunga Primary School in Auckland,

here is Angella Dravid and Madeleine Sami.

I went to school with my mum. She dropped me off. Does that count?

I think you could try your mum.

No, no. I know his number off by heart.

Come on. Answer. He's a businessman, so he might be working.

- Kia ora. - Hi, babes! How are ya?

Oh, hi, Mum.

Do you remember when you walked me to primary school?

Yeah?

Yeah. Those were nice.

Ok.

- Fa, mum. Love you. - Ok.

- Love you too, bubba. - Aw!

- Bye, bubba. - Bye, Mum.

- She's so sweet. - Yeah.