Father Brown

TWIGS CRACK, RUSTLING

TINKLING CHIMES

SHE BREATHES UNEASILY

Hello?

TINKLING GETS CLOSER

Is anyone there?

SHE SCREAMS

Now. Following the repeal of England's 1736 Witchcraft Act,

Pagans are literally coming out of the woods.

Sorry, sorry. Sorry.

One such is Eugene Bone,

self-styled High Priest of Crows Coven in Kembleford.

Named and shamed.

Indeed we are.

Mr Bone denies that the covens are an excuse for...

This is hardly suitable for a young lady's ears.

Oh! Don't stop on my account, Reverend Allsworthy.

Yes. Um... HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Um... Mr Bone denies the covens are an excuse for... sexual orgies,

claiming, "We merely drink and dance and work a little magic."

However, when challenged, the... warlock admitted that

these ceremonies are performed sky clad which is to say... naked.

Well! It sounds rather liberating.

Nakedness is a sin. But not a crime.

Think of the Germans with their Freikorperkultur.

We don't want their sort in our village.

Witches or Germans?

Either. Sorcerers...

..doing the devil's work.

You're confusing them with Satanists.

Witchcraft is a spiritual path,

which is rooted in nature and the cycle of the seasons.

They tarnish our reputation and endanger our flocks.

Which is why the Council has asked that we clergy form a committee

to report back on the moral threat.

I assume we can count on your support?

You can assume that I intend to see for myself before I pass sentence.

And I suspect that I will find we have nothing to fear.

Hey! Come on, she's here! Run!

Ha-ha! Mad witch! For goodness' sake.

SHE SCOFFS

Eugene!

Eugene. There's graffiti all over the wall.

Although why on earth I should be surprised

when you persist in exposing us to the world.

We no longer have to hide in the dark.

Nor in the full glare of publicity.

The shopkeeper could barely look me in the eye.

You chastise me for evangelising?

You evangelise yourself, Eugene.

And if you think self-aggrandisement will allay prejudice,

you're a bigger old fool than...

KNOCK ON DOOR

We have visitors. I somehow doubt they'll be friendly.

Selina Crow?

Yes.

Father Brown and Mrs McCarthy from St Mary's

and this is Miss Windermere.

Friend of St Mary's Church.

Are you here to burn us at the stake?

We're here to invite you to dinner.

Friday is St John's Eve, which coincides with your summer solstice.

Litha.

We celebrate the marriage of the God and Goddess and the union

that creates the harvest fruits.

We celebrate the birth of St John, and traditionally,

locally, it's a time when we welcome newcomers into the community.

Back in the day, people laid tables outside their houses

and all were invited.

We, of course, will be eating in the dining room.

You're asking us to a Christian feast?

Think of it more as a knees-up.

Trust me, they're in short supply round here.

Let's not dwell on our differences, but embrace our similarities.

Eat, drink and be merry together.

Hail! Hail! Hail!

O, Lord of Nature and the Hunt, be with us this night.

Hail! Hail!

Hail! Hail! WHIP CRACKS

O Ancient One, join us, O Horned One, join us,

Lord of the Greenwood, Lord of the Wild,

Consort of the Goddess, join us.

O Goddess, your servant calls you.

O Horned one, join us.

Are you ready to suffer to be purified?

Consort of the Goddess, join us.

You are about to enter a place beyond imagining...

..where joy and pain...

..meet and make one.

I'm teeing off at noon so this had better be good.

Reported murder, sir.

Witness came in first thing this morning and made a statement.

Milk and three sugars, and don't forget the garibaldis.

GOLF CLUBS CLATTER

You haul me in on my day off to investigate

"ritual sacrifice of a dusky slave maiden",

as reported by the village soak.

I thought you'd like to know, sir.

Which only goes to show how little you know me at all, sergeant.

You'd have us sup at the devil's table?

St Peter tells us to give hospitality without complaint.

I'd have us set an example.

You did hear what happened last night?

And last week Goggles Malone said he saw

a flying saucer over the village hall.

Perhaps the witches curdled the milk?

My domestic arrangements leave something to be desired.

You lost your wife in the Blitz.

Wife...

..daughter,

church and a quarter of my parish.

I'm sorry.

My elders sent me here to escape the evil,

only for the evil to follow me.

They worship other gods.

It doesn't make them evil.

What's with the tree jewellery?

Charms against evil. This is witches' land.

Witches' land?

Has been for centuries.

Selina Crow inherited the cottage and these woods

from her aunt, Kathleen Crow.

Was this aunt also a witch?

So it was said. But she kept herself to herself. Not like this lot.

BIRD SQUAWKS

What was that?

That, sergeant, was the sound of a wild goose.

You don't believe in witches, sir?

I'm a city boy, born and bred. We didn't have witches.

Maybe it's the lack of woods.

I don't like the look of it, sir.

Bad taste isn't a crime.

And there's no sign of ritual human sacrifice.

So I vote we leave so I can salvage the remnants of my day off.

You got something planned with the wife and kids later, sir?

Keeping as far away from them as possible.

Sir!

What now?

Blood, sir.

How did you get on, Father?

I think we face an uphill struggle.

People fear what they do not understand.

You surprise me, Mrs McCarthy.

Never had you down for open-minded.

Mrs McCarthy's grandmother was a wise woman.

What you would call a white witch.

People came from the four corners for her remedies.

But you'd still find her at Mass on a Sunday.

Mrs McCarthy's grandmother was a witch? What delicious irony.

Oh!

Talking of delicious, what's on the menu, Mrs M?

Wild mushroom soup, roast lamb and my summer pudding.

Well, we certainly put on a good spread.

We?

Best left to the professionals, isn't that right, Father?

I think that's wisest. No, she doesn't get off that lightly!

Here you are, madam.

I need three pounds of wild mushrooms for my soup.

I take it you do know what a wild mushroom looks like?

Oh, ye of little faith.

Bone, Eugene.

Crow, Selina.

You aren't, I take it, man and wife?

We're handfasted. Our union blessed by the Goddess.

Bound in body and soul.

No.

I'd be obliged if you could account for your whereabouts last night.

We celebrated the summer solstice with our coveners.

And this celebration took place where?

At our place of worship.

That would be in Crows Wood? Yes. Why do you ask?

Describe to me what happened at this... celebration.

The usual.

We drank and danced,

and worked some magic.

Can I ask what the usual dress code is for this sort of occasion?

The traditional witch's costume - that is to say, the skin.

Naked.

Can I ask what this is about?

The alleged assault of a young woman last night.

Early 20s, dusky skinned, which makes her easy to identify.

We don't get a lot of exotics in Kembleford.

Then I imagine you are looking for me.

Hello?

Oh! SHE SIGHS AND LAUGHS

Reverend Allsworthy. What are you doing here?

Um... I was just taking a walk.

Great minds, it seems.

Hardly. I'm on a fungi hunt.

And they are elusive little beasts.

Oh, well, perhaps you need a knight to aid you in your quest.

Dione Moon.

D-I-O-N-E.

M-O-O-N.

Thank you, Miss Moon. And you were at this gathering last night?

It was my initiation.

In the presence of the Goddess, Guardians,

mighty dead and brothers and sisters of the Craft.

As the subject of these allegations, we'd be grateful if you share them.

A reported assault with a whip.