The Calcium Kid

Dave, if I swivel round to the camera, do you think it'd make a dynamic intro?

- Very dynamic, Sebastian. - OK, let's run camera.

- Camera's running, Sebastian. - And swivel.

Hello. My name's Sebastian Gore-Brown.

I used to be a sports documentary film director.

Lawn Bowls: The Real Story.

That was mine. Now, about a year ago when I first heard that Pete Wright,

the notorious bad boy of British boxing, was finally getting his chance

to fight devastating world champion Jose Mendez for the middleweight title,

I sensed a documentary opportunity too good to pass up.

But my faithful cameraman, Dave, and I got more than we expected.

A lot more.

On September 28 Jose Mendez will defend his world championship belt.

I was born to fight.

Against the number one undefeated British contender: Pete Wright.

And he will do this in London, England.

The greatest fighter on the planet is coming down to South East London

to fight Pete Wright, one of our very own.

I've waited a very long time. He's been dodging me for years.

Why you taking this fight to his own backyard?

I thought it would be nice to try fish and chips.

I'd fight him in a phone box if I had to.

Without fighting, I'm nothing.

You could take away my wealth, my fame. You can never take away these hands.

God put his power into these hands.

In return, I will give him the world.

Do I think I can beat him? I'm gonna fuckin' bury him.

Now ask me a sensible question, for fuck's sake!

I'm coming, Inglaterra. I'm coming!

Stand aside. The Thriller In Manila.

Shut up! The Rumble In The Jungle.

Herbie Bush Promotions brings you...

The Melee On The Tele.

How long have you been involved in the sport of pugilism?

I'm sorry. There must be some kind of mistake. I'm in the boxing game.

I've always been an avid fight fan.

But I've only been directly involved in the game of pugisis for about 18 months.

How many pros have you got in your stable?

Pros? No, no, no.

That is a bona fide personal-escort service for business functions only.

My girls work on a strictly "chat and smile but no touch bum" basis.

No, sorry. I actually meant pro fighters.

Yeah, well, Pete Wright only at the moment.

Quality control is the order of the day.

The first boxing competition Pete entered he won.

He was only eight at the time,

and he was small for his age.

That didn't make a blind bit of difference.

He gave them other kids a real going-over.

And I remember I was quite surprised at how vicious Pete was.

- Intense. - Yes, maybe intense is a better word.

All right, Pete. 10 seconds left. Step it up.

- Next. - In you get, son.

Next.

Pete, let him come to you. Work on your defences.

Don't knock 'em all out before lunch, for fuck's sake.

Liven yourself up. Get your hands up.

Where did you get this skinny prat?

Oh, shit. I'm sorry, mate. I'm really sorry.

Oh! Oh!

My hand!

My fuckin' hand!

How bad is it? He'll be able to fight?

That's one of the worst breaks I've ever seen.

That kid's head must be as hard as a sock of snooker balls.

You're gonna have to cancel the fight.

Has your cheese slid off its cracker? I can't cancel the fight!

I'm sorry, but a break like that's gonna take three months before it heals.

Three months? I don't bloody believe this!

Do you know what this means?

This means I'm finished. I'm washed-up.

I'm a laughing stock. An also-ran...

This is all your fault. Who the hell are you?

- I'm Jimmy Connelly, Mr Bush. - And what idiot hired you?

I wasn't hired. I train here. They needed extra sparring partners.

- I didn't mean it. I'm really sorry. - I'm really sorry. I'm sorry.

- Leonard! - Yes, guv?

Do something painful with this toerag.

- Like what, guv? - What d'you mean, like what?

That's meant to be your department!

If Artie Cohen finds out about Pete's injury,

he'll replace him with another contender and I'll be up shit creek.

We need to find a middleweight that's a free agent.

We gotta find him today!

I don't care how good he is. He's gotta be a body with fists and a heartbeat.

We put him in the ring on Saturday.

I'll fight Mendez. I can still work a bit of the old magic.

Shut up. Serious suggestions, please, Leonard!

You're a featherweight.

- Guvnor. - What?

- How about that kid that hurt Pete? - Him?

He's got two hopes. Bob Hope and no hope.

- What was his name? - I'll look it up in the files.

Oh, no. Shit. Shit!

You said this was fly-on-the-wall, not spy-in-the-cupboard.

Investigative journalism knows no boundaries.

I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't surprise you occasionally.

One word of warning, if you intend to use this peekaboo style around the gym.

If surprised, a boxer's natural instinct is to knock you into next week.

Sorry. Point taken, Mr Bush. Thanks.

By the way, it's Connelly, the name you were looking for there.

It's Jimmy Connelly.

- Jimmy Connelly, eh? - Yeah.

Right. We'd best give this Connelly a visit.

Leonard, the car.

The true test for the documentarian is to take any unforeseen circumstances

or dramatic twist of events and roll with the punches.

I haven't even had my first fight yet. I'm a milkman.

To expose to celluloid the story of the lives that unfold in front of him.

Jose Mendez versus Jimmy "The Calcium Kid" Connelly.

So that's what I did. I rolled.

I think I'm in, Mr Bush.

I think I'm in.

Say my name.

Yeah, baby, yeah. Yeah.

Jimmy?

Morning.

We'll be filming you 24 hours a day in the run-up to the fight.

Of course. The fight. Who would have thought it?

Jimmy Connelly fighting Jose Mendez for the championship belt.

So, tell us, how does Jimmy Connelly start his day?

Um...

Well, as you probably noticed,

I normally start off in the morning with a set of 50 sit-ups. Yeah, sit-ups.

... 49, 50.

I wasn't meant to have my first fight for another six weeks.

And here I am talking to you guys.

I feel like Rocky

when he finds out he's gonna have a pop at Apollo Creed.

Yeah.

Make sure your mum gets that, will you, mate?

My mum's a massage therapist. She works from home.

I've drunk three pints of milk a day for as long as I can remember.

I've never had a filling or been knocked out.

My bones are as hard as rock.

Very proud of Jimmy. He's been a wonderful employee for four years now.

He's got an impeccable work record.

And he's been voted Milkman Of The Month

14 times by the housewives of Lambeth.

Good morning, Jimmy.

One of these days you'll have to come in and whip me up an omelette.

I mightjust do that, Mrs Fletcher. Have a lovely day.

I'm helping people in the community

stay strong and healthy by drinking milk.

Eventually, I wanna be a regional manager.

My first week on the float I got a bit of a kicking

by kids who made off with a dozen eggs and two pints of semi-skimmed.

My mate Stan was boxing as part of an aggression-management course,

so I went down to check it out.

I got into boxing and being down the gym from the off.

Morning, Vera. Two pints today?

No, I'll have two pints today, please, petal.

First time I put my gloves on and walked out into the gym,

everything just sort of felt all right, like I was part of something,

a big family that nobody could mess with.

My old man once said:

"Without family, man is alone."

He's deep, my dad.

I never thought I'd wanna leave my milk round early.

- Hello, boys. - Morning.

Hello, Jimmy. How are we feeling today?

Blindin'. 100%, thanks, Mr Bush.

That's good. That's what we wanna hear, champ, eh? Champ.

Ow! Christ!

Come to my office. I've got something that might help with those reflexes.

- Paddy, wake up. - Crack him with a Mary Anne!

Knock the bugger bandy, Seamus!

Oh, Mr Bush. How are you, boss?

Peachy. This is Jimmy Connelly.

Jimmy, this is Paddy O'Flanaghan.

I've spared no expense in hiring him as your personal trainer.

He's a legend in the field.

That's brilliant. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr O'Flanaghan.

Well, you've got strong hands, that's for sure.

But do you have the stomach for it, kid?

I've trained some of the most wondrous pugs in the ring

over the past half-century.

Men with punches that'd move mountains.

But if you haven't got it in the breadbasket,

it doesn't mean a damn thing.

Now, tell me, kid, have you got it in the breadbasket or not?

- I guess so. - I knew it.

I saw it in you the minute you came in through that door.

If you could just remind me of your name again, lad, we can get started.

It's Jimmy Connelly, Mr Flanaghan.

All right, then, Johnny. Let's get to work.

Have you had a long-standing relationship with Mr Bush?

No, not at all.

I was in the boozer last night having a pint, or two or three.

And I overheard Mr Bush talking to a pal of his

about needing a boxing trainer.

So I imposed myself, like, and we got to talking,

and the next thing you know, I'm in gainful employment.

I've often found on me travels that fate plays a very big hand

in all things connected to the boxing ring.

Got a spare fag, mate?

Thank you.

I met Jimbo back when we was little kids, wannit?

His old man and mine were drinking partners.

They'd fanny to our mums they were taking us to the park,