Masters of Horror

No, dad. I'm nothing like you.

Do you even care this'll hurt mom?

Well, mom never has to worry about me screwing over her and Lisa.

The batteries died, dad.

Shit, man!

Thanks, Justin.

I was over 50,000 in. I had infinite blood supply.

Now find my old man and rip his throat out.

Yeah, you know what? If they listen to you and

come jumpin' out of the screen, I'm outta here.

They won't. I want it too much.

Look, man. You know what my momma says?

Yeah, usually something stupid.

She says you can't pick blood, but you can always pick your friends.

But to hell with your old man, all right?

I thought we were s'posed to be doin' somethin' special tonight!

Yeah, man, we were! But...

Then don't let your old man make you bitch up.

Fucking bitch...

Yeah. You know... all right, we'll see who the bitch is.

You ever seen a dead guy?

What, you mean like... a real live dead guy?

Nope.

You want to?

Sure, I guess.

Uh... I could do some creepy shit.

So where do you plan to see a dead guy?

Oh, brother.

Damn.

I guess you were serious.

Yeah. My dumb-ass cousin works at night here. Alone.

Billy Redford's in there.

Billy, killed-in-a-car-accident Billy?

Yeah.

Billy who always used to give a shit.

Damn. Billy Redford.

Look, I-I-I...

I don't know, Justin. Dead people just ain't my thing, man.

They're in all the games we play.

Really dead?

Images created by geeks.

You know why we should do this?

So that every time your stupid brothers pick on you, or call

you a white geek, dipped in chocolate,

or every time my old man tells me I'm not worth the shit on his shoe,

at least we can both say we're not Billy Redford.

You just had to remember what my dumbass brother said, huh?

I guess the only thing missin' now is a black cat and shit that creaks.

Uh... knocking works.

Man, I think you got a little pussy leakin' outta you.

Man, can't nobody hear that!

What was that?

James!

Shh!

James!

Just call him, man.

What?

Call him!

I left my cell at home.

James!

Place like this, we'll probably bump into a crackhead

robbin' your cousin with a rusty-ass knife.

Bitch!

Gimme your money before I cut your eyes out!

Damn, it's dark in here.

Dead people don't need light.

I'm gonna leave the door open, just in case we need to bounce fast.

- Fast, why? - I don't know.

This shit's kinda cool, right?

Justin?

I swear, man. If you set this up, and your

cousin comes jumpin' out, tryin' to scare me,

he's gettin' knocked out flat on his ass, man.

There's nothin' to be scared...

Oh, shit!

It's not funny, man.

Who's leakin' now?

Ass, Justin.

Oh... come on.

I'm gonna look for a light switch.

Great.

Light switch doesn't work.

Yeah, this is James' stuff.

He's here somewhere.

Dude, are you sure your cousin's gonna let us look at the body?

Not a good question.

Like, maybe we should just look for the body first. I mean...

that way, if he kicks us out...

mission accomplished.

Too bad we're not here to see my dad.

Dude, what exactly did your dad say to piss you off so much?

Hey.

This is like straight out of Vengeance of Doom.

More like Doom 3.

You wanna see if somebody's inside?

They're coming to get you, Barbara!

Thought you weren't scared.

Look. I'm not, all right?

Just don't want the 2-for-1 special.

We came to see Billy Redford. Let's just see him.

Fine. Whatever.

So you're not gonna talk about your old man?

He wants me and Lisa to get to know his fiance.

His ex-fucking secretary he left my mother for.

Damn, that's foul.

Yeah, he wants us to be some sort of a family unit.

What the hell does he think me, my mom, and the brat are?

Three ugly people?

What the hell are you talkin' about? Your family looks like rejects from good times.

Man, kiss my ass.

Hear that?

Music.

Maybe that's why he can't hear us.

You know,

they say some dudes who work in places like this

sometimes do things to the bodies.

Yeah. Maybe, uh...

we should come back another time.

You know what's funny?

In a video game, this is the boring part.

Oh, dude.

The coffin. Wasn't it closed?

I knew it.

Man, I knew you and your cousin were tryin' to pull some shit. I knew it!

This wasn't planned, was it?

We're out of here now.

Oh, shit!

- Man, open it! - Yeah, good idea, stupid.

Man, come on!

Jeff, you're fucking with us! Cut it out!

Hey, hey. Let's just try the back. Come on. Come on!

Man, I don't wanna have to fuck somebody up, man!

Oh, shit...

Oh, shit...

Oh, shit...

Hey, where in the hell is that music comin' from?

Fuck... Up, right? Up.

Which way?

Well, that shit doesn't happen in the light.

Just remember...

This whole thing was your idea.

Dude, look.

Is that blood?

Oh, shit...

Oh, shit, Justin! Look! Look

I think she's dead.

Dude, swear you're not tryin' to make me piss myself.

Nah, this is way beyond what I'd do.

Why is she only halfway made up?

I don't know. Why don't you ask her?

Dude...

We're gonna get out of here.

I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.

What if something happens to you?

That one's closer.

Feel for the light switch.

I can't see shit!

Oh, shit. Oh, shit...

God...

What?

Oh, God...

Oh, God, I think I just touched...

Oh, shit.

I just touched him, man!

I touched his face!

Look.

Damn.

Justin, I wanna go home.

God damn...

Where the hell are you, James?

Look, Justin.

Somethin' happened to James, man. Okay?

All these dead bodies, they don't have blood, man.

If your cousin's the only one workin' here tonight, then that's...

that's his blood.

Justin, man...!

It's him.

Redford.

Justin. Honestly, I could give two fucks right now.

He's the same age as us, dude.

All right, we've seen him. Now let's just get the hell out of here.

Come on, man. Let's just go.

Oh, Jesus.

Justin, what are you doin'?

Justin, don't, man!

Justin!

They're only dead bodies.

Oh, shit!

Oh, my God!

Oh God, it's James!

Oh, fuck! Oh, God...

What the fuck?

Justin... Justin...

Oh, shit...

Justin...!

Oh, shit!

Shit, that ain't makeup. That ain't makeup!

Come on, man!

My leg! My leg!

Ow! That hurts!