Run Ronnie Run

Hello, I'm Dot Lancaster, film valedictorian of Hollywood.

The movie you're about to see is not real. It is a movie.

Do not act things out from it because you are disturbed

or pissed off, you crazy son of a bitch.

This film contains adult language.

There are 17 swear words, carefully placed throughout.

Kids, can you find them?

When you hear one, jump up and turn around.

That'd crack me up.

Enjoy the film.

Hey, there. My name is Clay.

And this here is the story of Ronnie Dobbs.

And his rise to fame.

And the man that discovered him, ain't me.

But let's start with ol' Ronnie.

Here he is, now.

Oops!

Yeah, Ronnie was a good man.

A true gentleman of Southern distinction.

Hey Dobbs!

Get your ass off my car!

Sorry, man.

Thought it was mine.

'Get out of the way, dumb ass!'

- Hey, Darryl. - Hey, Ronnie. What's up?

- Ah, nothin' much. Tammy? - Hey, Ron.

- Debbie? B.J., how you doing? - I'm fine.

Hey Stan.

- I want nothin' to do with you. - Ah, damn! Look at this.

He's still pissed off about last time.

Alright!

- Ronnie Dobbs. - Ain't nothin' but trouble.

- Hey, Harmon. - Hey, Ronnie.

I'm sorry about doing that to your sister, man.

I forgot.

Hey!

Ronnie sure was a free spirit, wasn't he?

Don't you think?

But freedom is the devil's handshake

because while his brain was free..

- Look who's back. - Leland. Darnell.

Y'all don't say nothin'. Today's gonna be a special day.

...his heart belonged to a woman.

Tammy!

Tammy!

- Daddy! Daddy! - Hey, little Ronnie!

Hey, middle Ronnie! Hey, little middle Ronnie!

What do you want, Ronnie Dobbs?

Listen, baby, I got to ask you a question.

Well, go ahead and ask me, then.

Ha-ha. That's what you think.

Now, it's personal and romanticized.

So, why don't you meet me tonight, 8 o'clock

at our special place.

Well, how am I gonna get a babysitter?

- Ain't you got a TV? - Yeah.

A'ight, then.

See you, tonight.

Ah! Just the two. It's probably all there.

God-damn!

Man, I know they talking about beer

but I can think of another pair, I'd like to grab..

...my balls!

- He don't like it. - He hungry. He gonna eat it.

Hey, listen, hungry dog'll eat anything.

C'mon dog, eat that vomit!

Well, looky here! Who's that good-looking young man?

That's me, Clay, storyteller to the stars..

...at your service.

- He's not gonna do it! - Yeah, he will.

There he goes.

Look at him! He's eatin' it!

I told you!

- Shoot. Out of quarters. - 'Game over. You loose!'

That's alright, little dude.

You've just been done one free service by Ronnie Dobbs.

- Thanks, Ronnie. - A'ight.

'I dare you to take me on.'

- Hey, y'all. - Hey, Ronnie!

- Got breakfast. - Looky there!

'Hey, Tonya, Kyle.'

Hey Clay, sorry about your leg.

Next time we out drinking, you should do the driving.

That's all right, man. Guess what?

I was a little bit wasted my own self.

- A'ight. - You know? Okay?

You two are regular ol' Three Musketeers.

Yeah. We are. Touché.

Now, I swear, if I didn't know any better

I'd say that I was about to ask Tammy to marry me.

Aw-w-w!

Are you?

- For real? - Mm-hmm.

That is sweet.

You two belong together forever.

Hell, you done proved it three times.

You see, Tammy was Ronnie's sweetheart

since elementary school.

Well, the day that Ronnie got kicked off

the bus for farting the alphabet

Tammy went right along with him.

After that, they was inseparable.

Then, at the ripe age of 12, Ronnie made it official.

You marry me?

After they got divorced

Ronnie loved on Tammy so much

that he asked her to marry him again.

Would you marry me yet again, my lady?

Yes.

After the second divorce, as if by Cupid's magic

he was destined to ask a third time.

I was thinkin' maybe, you know, we should get married again.

Okay.

Science tells us that the third time's a charm

but this time, science failed us.

See? Science don't know.

Shit! Shit! Look who's here!

- Johnny Law, man. - Get over here, son.

But dad, I just got unlimited lives!

You got no life!

'You're not supposed to be playing them, damn games!'

And I've told you this before!

Your never gonna learn anything from them.

Hey, man, why don't you leave him alone?

Hey, you lookin' for an ass to kick?

'Cause I got one. My face and your ass!

You think you're really clever, don't you, boy?

Let me tell you something.

When I get elected governor, and I'm gonna.

The first thing I'm gonna do..

...is put all you scum in jail.

You know the second thing I'm gonna do?

First, send to jail. Second oh, yeah.

Go to the faggot store, buy yourself a new mustache.

No.

I'm gonna make sure you never get out again.

You hear me talking to you, boy?

Why don't you losers, try to find something

useful to do.

Like killing yourselves.

Uh-oh, you just lost my vote. That's it.

You done did it, this time.

Smart campaigning.

'See you later, little dude. A'ight.'

- Dumb dick. - Dumb dick.

Hey, man, hand me one of 'em cold beers.

- Uh, who? - We accidentally drank 'em.

- What, all of 'em? - Yeah.

You was gone long while there, you know

taking on the big man, like you should, you know

- Goddamn! - Goddamnit!

Come on, man, this is your last few hours of bachelorhood-ness.

You gotta make the most of it.

- Kyle's right, Ronnie. - Yeah, you right. You right.

A'ight.

Clay, let's you and me

go fuck up that Piggy-Wiggy sign! Come on!

Ronnie came up with the greatest plan

but some how they all ended up the same way.

- A child shall lead them! - I want y'all to fuck it up!

We've got a disturbance call, possible break-in.

Get these all the time. It's routine. Could be anything.

- You keep an eye out. - Right.

Ronnie's in it. Ronnie Dobbs.

Well, look here. It's his old pal, Clay.

I'm gonna look for Ronnie. He can't be far.

Hey, Clay.

'We're gonna need a paramedic up here.'

- You all right, son? - I'm good.

Ah, well! You don't look so good.

I'll be all right when we get to pass-out time.

- Ronnie! - Hey, Darnetta.

I heard the noise. I-I-I heard him.

He went that way, toward that house, there.

- One man? - One man.

That way. I heard him. I seen him going there.

I gots a condition, and I didn't get to take my pills.

I know. I know, darling. You go back inside. Take your pills.

'My husband Donnie's supposed to bring the pills.'

'He's supposed to bring 'em. He's supposed to..'

- There he is! - Yeah!

'Dispatch, we've got a 10-80 on foot.'

Ronnie, dammit, let's don't do this again!

Fuck!

'Wait, watch out for this dog!'

Come on, Ronnie, let's make this easy!

Hey, Travis.

- Hell, yeah! - Oh, yeah!

'He's fixing to go out!'

- 'Dobbs! Come on!' - I'm slippery, ain't I?

Damn it, Ronnie! Come on back here!

Oh, God.

- Just chasing somebody, ma'am. - Excuse us, ma'am.

Come on, now, Ronnie!

Ronnie, come on back here!

Camera man! 'Want to know a secret?'

- 'Here he is!' - He's back in here!

- Ronnie, get over here! - 'Hold it right there!'

'Bill, he just ran on down to Darnetta's.'

'Here they come.'