Family Guy Presents: Blue Harvest

We now return to Sunday Golf on CBS.

And Nicholson here, trying to save par, and there's Nicholson's wife.

God, is she hot.

Look at that rack.

There's a downhill lie for you.

They're just out there begging to be touched. Pleading.

How many golf balls do you think she can fit in her mouth?

I'd hit that one in the rough, if you know what I'm saying.

Who are you kidding, Greg?

You'd pork her for a week and then get tired of her.

Yeah, you're right.

That's what I do. That's my thing.

But a hell of a week, though.

Hell of a week.

Oh, my God, the power's out.

What are we gonna do now?

Well, we could light some candles and read.

Yeah, right. Yeah, that'd be great.

Yeah, read the inside of my butt.

We could tell stories.

Hey, Dad, why don't you tell the story about when I was born?

Yeah, we got halfway home with the afterbirth,

before we had to go back to the hospital

and swap it out for Meg. The end.

Now, I got a better one.

This is a story of love and loss, fathers and sons,

and the foresight to retain international merchandising rights.

This is the story of Star Wars.

Let's begin with Part 4.

You hear that? Sounds like we're being boarded from the rear,

and not the, "Hey, take a deep breath, let's experiment,"

kind of boarded from the rear.

Could you hold on to this bag?

What if they come in a different door?

Well, I guess we'd all just get up and go to that door then.

Is it going to be like this all day, Jeff?

Hey, I'm just trying to contribute.

Yeah, well contribute to pointing your gun at that door.

Mark, why are you always way nicer to me

when the other rebels aren't around?

Damn! I was two days from retirement.

R2?

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

You're my only hope.

All right, now what do I click?

Click "preferences."

Okay, I clicked "preferences."

Now go to "default media browser."

Okay, there's a little hourglass

and it's not letting me do anything.

It says "buffering." What is that?

Just give it a minute.

All I'm trying to do is make an MPEG.

All I'm trying to do is tell you to wait a minute.

Okay, relax.

Now click "import video file."

All right.

It's telling me I have to download RealPlayer 7.

You know what? I'll just bring it to him myself.

There she is.

You still got that bag I gave you?

It's gonna be a long ride.

Hold your fire. There's no life forms aboard.

Hold your fire? What, are we paying by the laser now?

You don't do the budget, Terry. I do.

Hey, I'm gonna do some crosswords,

but that doesn't mean I don't want to talk.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

My God, look at this mess.

"Hey, Darth Vader's gonna be here,

"shall we maybe clean the place up?

"No, it's okay, he won't mind."

Well, well, Princess Leia. Are you prepared to tell me

what you've done with the stolen Death Star plans?

All right, Lord Vader, you win.

I've hidden the plans in one of these 26 briefcases.

Ooh! Ooh!

Okay, okay, I'm feeling number 14, let's go with number 14.

Oh!

It's okay, I'm just happy to be on TV.

All right, take her away.

Okay, here's another one.

Who would you rather do?

Jabba the Hutt right after a shower or a service droid?

My father was a service droid.

Hey, where are you going?

You can kiss the lower part of

the back of the canister that is my body.

Oh, man, this looks like the wrong neighborhood.

Oh, boy, it's okay, R2, calm down, be cool.

I ain't done nothing to antagonize nobody.

What, a droid can't walk down the desert no more?

I got rights, too. Who's there?

Any attack made by the rebels against

this station would be a useless gesture,

no matter what technical data they've obtained.

This station is now the ultimate power in the universe.

That is fantastic, terrific work.

So no weaknesses at all?

No... No.

You, uh... You hesitated there.

Is there something I should know?

No, it's virtually indestructible, like 99.99%.

Uh, okay, wouldn't be doing my job

if I didn't ask, what's the 0.01?

Well, I mean, there's this little hole.

It was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect.

And if you shoot a laser into this hole, the station blows up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

That sounds like a pretty big design flaw, then.

No, no, the hole's only 2 meters across.

Well, that's no bigger than a womp rat.

Exactly.

And even to get within range of it,

you have to skim along this whole trench. It's not a big deal.

Can't we board it up or, you know,

put some plywood over it or something?

Well, that would look terrible.

I mean, we gotta think about resale.

Resale? What are you talking about?

This property is right above Sunset.

The value is only gonna go up.

Lord Vader, your inside references

to the Los Angeles real estate market

haven't given you the clairvoyance to turn

a profit on that condo in Glendale. Nor has it...

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

That property is in a prime location.

Twenty minutes to the beach, 20 minutes to downtown.

There's nothing to do downtown.

Enough of this. Vader, release him.

As you wish.

All right, so we're gonna plug up that hole?

Yeah, we can get it done tomorrow, if price is no object.

Uh...

We'll get estimates.

Get estimates, yeah, yeah.

Someone was in the pod.

The tracks go off in this direction.

Look, sir, droids.

Look, a penny.

Hey, thanks for the sex, early '90s printer.

All right, bring him on out.

Oh, God, it's 100 degrees out here.

If I pass out, please

a LifeCall bracelet,

with all my insurance information.

Luke? Luke!

Luke! What?

Tell Uncle Owen not to tell you

that your father is Darth Vader.

Aunt Beru, when are you guys going to let

me join the Rebellion, like all my friends?

Oh, stop whining, Luke, and come have some blue milk.

One of these days, I'm just gonna take off

and join the Rebellion, whether you like it or not.

Over my burnt carcass.

Hey, shut up-a with the noise-a.

Hey, shut up-a with the shut up-a.

You shut up-a with the shut up-a.

Shut up-a your face.

Now-a my dog-a wanna shut up-a.

Why you no shut up-a?

I'll make-a you shut up-a.

You, too, shut up-a.

Hey, I poke out-a my head.

Some day, I'll get off this rock and fight the Empire.

John Williams and the London Symphony Orchestra, everybody.

Now do the theme to The People's Court.

Oh, this oil bath is gonna feel so good.

Hey, you guys think that '90s printer looked clean, right?

Hey, there's something stuck in this R2 unit.

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

You're my only hope.

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

You're my only hope.

Whoever she is, she sounds like she's in trouble.

Is there any more to this message?

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She said "Obi-One" Kenobi.

I wonder if she means old Obi-Wan Kenobi?

Well, I guess I'll go bulls-eye some womp rats in my T-16.

My God, you shoot small animals for fun?

That's the first indicator of a serial killer, you freak.

There's two suns and no women.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

Master Luke, he's gone, he's gone.

What?

R2, he took off in the middle of the night, we gotta find him.

Oh, what the phantom menace is that guy's problem?

Hey, mind if I turn on the radio?

WTAT, Tatooine's all-talk radio.

My good friends, the liberal galactic media