Lymelife

Today alone, I got 17 phone calls from my local residents

claiming that they have Lyme disease.

Well, frankly, up until a few years ago,

until 1975,

the medical community had no idea what Lyme disease even was.

All we knew was that it caused psychiatric disturbances

and severe neurological disorders.

Even so, it seems that over the last four years,

this disease has become no less debilitating,

especially here in the tri-state suburban area.

I assure you that the medical community

is very close to developing a treatment for Lyme disease

because we now know the source.

The tick, right?

Well, technically, the infection stems

from the blood of the deer.

The tick is just the transmitter.

Well, in any case, what precautions

should people be taking?

Okay, let's have 'em.

Give me liberty or give me death.

Hey, it's not funny.

The last thing we need is for him to get sick.

He shouldn't even be next door

in all those weeds without the tape.

You need a haircut.

Oh, sorry, Mick, all gone.

Ticks, I can handle.

But you, that's a different story.

¶ you ¶

¶ you with a tick in your hair ¶

I'll be outside.

Hey, don't go far.

You're paranoid.

I'm sorry, Mick.

I just... you know, I have this bad feeling

in the pit of my stomach.

It's a tradition.

Besides, you know I haven't been able

to spend a lot of time with him lately.

Yeah, well, he's not the only one.

We don't actually kill anything.

I even started using blanks like you asked me to.

Listen, Mick, it's just dangerous now, okay?

Look at Charlie.

Charlie?

I wouldn't be surprised if we found out

this whole thing was psychosomatic.

Okay, let's just forget about the whole thing.

But I'm not gonna be the one that lets him down.

What are you doing?

Still with that stupid quarter trick?

No.

You know, they say no matter where you are on long island,

you can always hear the train.

Can't get far enough away.

Yeah, I heard that.

No, you didn't.

I just told you.

You.

Fucking guy.

So you... what are you doing f-friday, satur...

what are you...

I'm busy friday.

You know you want this.

Don't lie.

Don't lie to me.

You're something special.

Yeah, you are.

Scott, breakfast.

Uh, coming.

Hey, hold on.

- Who's there? - I'm coming.

Don't shoot.

Oh, wow.

Nice shot, Mr. Bragg.

I told you not to come around here.

That could have been your head.

I thought you were the best shot in the union.

Doesn't matter.

Accidents happen. Don't you understand that?

Here.

Yeah, that's a good shot.

Yeah, I couldn't go this year on the hunting trip,

but, uh, how'd you do?

I don't know. My mom wouldn't let us go.

Well, that's a fucking shame.

It was abundant, I heard.

Deer as far as you could see.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah?

Yeah, I still have quite a bit left over

from two years ago, you know?

And I cured it myself.

- Oh, really? - Mm-hmm.

You want to... you want to see it?

Uh, see what?

There it is.

You got your shank, your hocks,

shoulder.

Those are ribs, really good ribs.

And that right there, that's the ass.

The what?

The ass.

Do you really eat that?

Well, yeah.

That's the best part.

You like ass?

Yes, oh, yeah. Here.

Tell you what.

There you go.

Yeah, I just don't want it to go bad in the locker.

You're turning down a piece of ass?

Well, I mean, I... I share a locker with someone,

and I don't... I don't know if they'd want

a piece of ass in the locker, you know?

Hey, Scotty.

Hi.

You taking this to school with you today?

Oh, oh, yeah, I...

yeah, why don't you go find Adrianna?

Nice suit.

Yeah, my mom made me wear it.

Your mom still makes you wear things?

I wouldn't go broadcasting that if I were you.

The sweater...

looks nice.

This suit, though, is kind of...

just doesn't fit me the way...

you know what? I'm gonna be late.

Let's talk about it in the car, okay?

Well, no, I called a cab. It's all right.

Why, especially now, are we wasting money on cabs

when I have a flexible enough job

to drive you to the station and pick you up?

Because I don't want to put you out, all right?

I have all these interviews all over the city.

Every day, you have an interview.

Melissa, listen.

This thing... this thing, it's kicked my ass.

You know that.

Something good is gonna happen. I promise.

Really.

- Okay. - You look nice.

Don't forget to take your pills.

You have a nice day.

Ever since he got sick,

he spends more time with the stupid dead deer

than he does with us.

It's humiliating.

Well, maybe because he doesn't have a job or whatever,

it's... you know, it's his way of making up for it.

You know, like, he, uh...

he hunts for food or whatever.

That's a very interesting observation and all, but no.

I don't think so.

I mean, it's not like you guys

are the munsters or anything.

I, uh... I got to go.

I'll see you later.

it's the American Dream, Mr. Patel,

right here on long island.

Uh, in all honesty, Mr. Patel, we've had a lot of interest,

but as they say, no cigar.

I told your wife, if you're the first house built,

you have your pick of exposures.

The sun does rise in the east, yes.

Where does it rise in India, Mr. Patel?

What's the matter?

It's... it's just been a rough couple weeks.

You don't want to hear my sob story.

Well... well, look, we're friends first, right?

I'm sorry.

I'm just a little emotional.

I understand.

Charlie's...

Charlie is not the guy that I married.

Well, we all change somewhat, no?

Yeah, I know, but, god, why me?

I mean, a bus, a robbery, an accident.

But Lyme disease?

Hey, look,

you're not the one who has Lyme disease, right?

Smile.

Okay.

Next.

Enjoy yourself now, dick weed.

Fartlett.

Okay, look at the birdie. Look at me.

I will fucking destroy you there, blue eyes.

Today I'm gonna shove a telephone pole

so far up your bung...

come on. Give me a smile.

I think Blaze Salado is into me.

Whatever.

Well, what do you think I should do?

I mean, he's so mint.

But I don't know.

His real name isn't Blaze.

It's something really dorky like Barry.

Hey, Fartlett.