One Crazy Summer

Hi.

Once upon a time, there was a lonely kind of a guy

who'd resigned himself to the fact that love was blind.

Now, if love is blind

he thought to himself.

How will it find me?

It honestly seems such a crime.

For how many times has love knocked on the door...

...when it should have been knocking on mine?

And so one day, he went off

in search of the aloof creature.

He soon happened upon the cute

and fuzzy bunny gang.

Perhaps, they could help him.

Uh, pardon me, cute and fuzzy bunnies.

He said.

I wonder if you

could help me find love.

Love would have nothing to do

with such a stupid looking creature.

Said the first cute and fuzzy bunny.

With that nose

and those shoes.

And that stomach.

And those eyes.

And those ears.

Roses are red, violets are blue

but love will have nothing to do with you!

They chanted and danced around him.

Naturally, our hero was very saddened by this

so... um... he...

Actually, uh, he...

He reached into his suitcase

and pulled out a Israeli submachine gun

and he, he sawed those

cute, fuzzy bastards in half

with hot lead!

Oh-ho! It was beautiful!

Wait, stop!

No, no.

It's supposed to be a love story not a "Rambo" bloodbath.

Forget it. It's not your fault.

It's me.

Hey, Morty, how am I gonna get this done?

What do you know? You're not a man. You're a cat.

Go back to your feline world.

Get outta here.

You better get a move on, Hoops.

You'll miss graduation.

Okay, mom.

Here's your cap and gown.

All clean.

What do you mean, "All clean?"

Hoops, these are rented.

Do you know how many people wear them?

I washed them.

Rita Segal.

Solomon Shapiro.

Frank Stephens.

Shirley Storm.

I gotta get out of Generic this summer

or I'm gonna lose my mind.

Hoops, come to Nantucket with me.

We'll have a blast. We'll scale mermaids.

No, I can't be goin' to bein' a party monkey, George.

I gotta buckle down.

I've got two weeks to submit my scholarship assignment.

It's the only chance I'm gonna get to get into

Rhode Island School of Design.

Come on, Hoops, it's the summer.

We're high school graduates now.

I mean, it's time to reap the rewards of four years

of hard, grueling, mind-expanding work.

What's this word?

Your last name.

Oh, yeah.

Georgina Williams.

The scholarship assignment is supposed to

be an illustrated love story.

What do I know about love?

How am I supposed to write a good love story?

I've never been in love.

I would like to congratulate

the 1986 graduating class

of Generic New York High School!

- Honey, you like it? - Oh, daddy, it's great.

It's just what I wanted.

I think what you really need

is a break from your mom.

I mean, what, you're gonna end up bein' a...

...a street cleaner because you didn't get your

basketball scholarship?

Yeah, I guess she's just takin' it hard, right?

Of course she is.

I mean, it's like my mom

saying I'm an irresponsible louse.

I mean, I know that she knows

I'm not irresponsible.

I mean, your mother still has faith in you, Hoops.

I mean, just because you can't play basketball

worth of shit, doesn't mean you

got no other option in life.

I guess you're right.

There you go.

And nothin' proves that more than bein' surprised

with your brand new graduation wheels.

That final, parental confirmation

that you're going somewhere in life.

And this is just the vehicle to take you there.

Nantucket, huh?

When can we leave?

Just gotta pick up my sister.

And, Hoops, uh, remember

never say anything about her dog.

[Twisted Sister singing "Be Chrool To Your Scuel"]

Okay, you've gotta go. Let's go. Come on.

Bye-bye, everybody.

Hey, Squid!

You and old Boscoe gonna visit

grandma this summer?

Dog from Mars.

Dog from Mars.

It's so ugly.

Someone put it to sleep.

Na-na-na-na-na.

Na-na-na-na-na.

Girls, girls, girls!

You know, if you make faces like that

and somebody slaps you on the back

you'll stay that way forever!

Na-na-na-na-na!

Go on! Go on!

Have a nice summer!

Dog from space!

Dog from space!

Na-na-na-na-na.

Na-na-na-na-na.

Geez!

There sure are some ugly-looking kids

running around here.

So, where's this place, anyway?

First stop's a little place

called Woods Hole.

Okay, Cassandra...

...all I want is my money.

It's my money and you know it!

No!

It's definitely mine.

Trust me.

Excuse me, guys. Lookin' for this?

Get him!

George, get us out of here!

So long, sucker.

It's my money! It's mine!

- Who are your friends? - Maniacs!

Get us out of here! Go, go, go!

Hurry up! They're gaining on us!

- Hi. - Hi.

- Who are you? - I'm Cassandra.

- Good. - George. Pleasure's all mine.

Watch where you're going! We're heading for the docks!

We gotta make the boat.

- Boat? What boat? - What?