Suits

Nervous?

I'd be lying if I said no.

Well, I wouldn't want you to lie.

- She knows. She does. - She can't.

What's holding on my swinton merger?

Are you kidding me?

We've been over this, okay? If she knew, you'd know.

I do know. The woman barely knows my name,

and she just summoned me for dinner.

What is so funny?

Watson, klyman, gallo, goldberg, and specter.

Why are you naming...

The last five senior partners?

Every one of us was taken to dinner by Jessica as a first-year.

And now she's taking you, which means...

This is a good thing.

Exactly.

Oh, god.

- What now? - What do I wear?

What do I say? What do I wear?

We can discuss the prom at recess.

Tell me what the hell's holding up my swinton merger.

Oh, it's just a nuisance suit

that needs to be cleaned up before we can clear escrow. I'm all over it.

Why wasn't that the first thing you told me?

Uh, I thought I was getting exposed.

This is a little less important.

My merger, your panic attack.

Your compassion. And I didn't have a panic attack.

I had a legitimate reason for concern.

Really? Why would she ask you to dinner just to fire you?

I don't know. A little movie called good fellas.

Did you see it?

Joe pesci thought he was getting made, he got dead.

That's your idea of a legitimate reason?

"Karen! Where's the money, Karen?"

"Il ka ren?"

They never checked.

What do you mean "they never checked"?

The Internet was not what it is today.

It was not so easy to catch plagiarism.

God, that's awesome.

Wait a minute.

If you graduated college then, then that... that would make you...

Old enough to run my own law firm.

But you look so young.

- Well, you know what they say. - Mmmhmm.

- True beauty is ageless. - Black don't crack.

(Scoffs)

That's what I meant to say.

Uh-huh.

Well, enough about me. I want to hear about you.

What was Harvard like?

I was three when I realized

that I wasn't like the other kids.

When school started, it was like a joke.

I didn't take notes. I never studied.

Every year people would tell me,

"next year you won't get away with it."

Kept waiting for it to get harder,

but it just never did.

And Harvard?

I knew it would end. I mean, it had to.

I thought, "yeah," I'd finally found a place

where I'd be, uh...

Exposed.

But it turns out, even at the mighty Harvard law...

You weren't the same as the other kids.

I know it sounds cocky.

Not to me.

The fact is, you don't think of yourself as smart.

You've always had your mind, it just is what it is.

Yeah, that's exactly what it is.

I don't think of myself as smart, you know.

I just think of everybody else as...

- Idiots. - Not smart.

That's what I meant to say.

Why the law?

It's kind of, uh, personal.

Isn't that why we're here?

When I was 11,

my parents were on their way home from dinner,

and they were involved in a really horrible accident.

And, uh, they...

My grandmother took me in.

And it wasn't until I was much older

that I realized that we had a case.

See, it turns out this restaurant,

they kept feeding this Mr. Fenton drinks long after they knew...

Didn't matter.

I just...

I felt so helpless.

And I didn't want to feel that way

ever again.

Harvey was right.

About what?

I hope you brought your checkbook.

Dinner's on you.

Wait. What was Harvey right about?

How was dinner?

Free caviar.

What's not to love?

If you want to know something about me,

you should have just asked me.

Why can't I just be getting to know Mr. Ross

the way I got to know you?

Because if you're just trying to get to know him,

you would have told me about the dinner.

Something's going on, and I want to know what it is.

An allegation was made

that Mike Ross never went to Harvard,

or any other law school for that matter.

So I had him checked out.

Squeaky clean.

Graduated top of his class.

So I took him to dinner.

I wanted to see what you saw in him

that makes him so special.

And?

I get it.

He's a total package.

Maybe even the best of both of us.

I hope this doesn't mean you're gonna put me in charge of recruiting.

Not to worry. You are off the hook.

Harvey, one more thing.

He might have checked out clean,

but I know that kid's full of shit.

Because there may be a record of him graduating from Harvard law,

but there's no record of him graduating

from any college anywhere on the face of the earth.

So I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt

that you didn't know.

Because I don't want to do what I would do if you did.

And what you're going to do is fire that goddamn kid.

See the money, wanna stay for your meal

get another piece of pie for your wife

everybody wanna know how it feel

everybody wanna see what it's like

I'll even eat a bean pie I don't mind

me and missy is so early

busy, busy making money

all right!

All step back I'm 'bout to dance

the greenback boogie.

Donna, do me a favor and get Mr. Sherman on the phone, please.

Thank you.

What was that?

Excuse me?

"Please," "do me a favor," and "thank you,"

all in the same sentence?

You think I'm not gonna notice that?

- I don't have time for this. - You got time.

You're gonna sit right there while I figure out what the hell's going on.

Nothing's going on.

Dimple in your tie's too far to the left.

That says that your mind is on something else.

Mr. Sherman's called 136 times, you've never called him back,

which means you're feeling guilty

- and you're trying to compensate. - I'm not trying to...

I didn't say overcompensate.

As long as we're clear.

The only time I've ever seen you wear lavender

was when your brother was in the hospital.

Whoa.

Either your mother's somehow appeared in your life,

or Jessica found out about Mike.

Oh, my god.

Does he know?

Mike: (Singing) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

What's playing on that thing?

Uh, audiobook. Fall of the Roman empire.

So you're awfully chipper.

Maybe you got some good news?

Uh, yeah.

That led to an amazing dinner with an incredible woman.

I'm really happy to hear things are going well with you and Jenny.

Whoa, no. No, no, no.

I was out with Jessica last night.

Isn't she just a little old for you?

Uh, I do okay with the cougars.

You realize you're talking about the managing partner of the firm?

Please don't tell anyone I said that.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna fire him.

What's up, mother fleckers?

Wow. Oh, my god. That's a beautiful day.

What's wrong with you two? Somebody die?

I'm gonna be outside.

"I'm gonna be outside. I'm so serious. All the time."

- Mike? - Uh-huh.

Sit down.

No can do. I've got too much energy.

I just wanted to come and give you an update on the swinton merger.

Turns out this woman thinks

that publishing stole one of her book ideas.

- Filed suit. - Listen.

Normally, I'd suggest that we settle.

But then I got to thinking.

W-w-h-d.

What would Harvey do?