House

Mark. Mark!

Mark, would you please ask your father if he wants a burger?

I know, you're defending the free world.

Please ask your dad if he wants a burger.

Dad.

Dad.

Mom wants to know if you want a burger.

Mom, I don't know what he wants. You ask.

You want a burger?

The guy drove his wheelchair into a pool. House would love that.

He'll be bored. It's a great visual, but it's diagnostically boring.

What about post-hair-transplant aphasia guy?

Infection throwing clots. House'll shoot it down and call you an idiot.

Oh, well, I wouldn't want that.

- What about yoga girl? - It has a good hook.

Should we lead with it?

His first day back he might want to flex his sarcasm muscle.

Maybe we open with one of the weaker pitches.

You ran here?

It's just eight miles.

Why did you...

Why does a dog lick its workplace- acceptable euphemism for testicles?

Because he can.

What do you got for me, boss?

I thought you said you needed eight weeks of rehab.

You should've been back here...

if I'd come back sooner, then I'd only be able to run six miles.

I never would've made it in.

What do you got for me?

You're completely pain-free?

The ketamine treatment can wear off.

It's been two months. It's not wearing off.

What do you got for me?

- It can take as long as... - Why are we having this discussion?

You wanna hear me thank you again?

Thank you, Dr. Cuddy... not just for removing the bullet, but

thank you for putting me in a ketamine- induced coma and changing my life.

Happy? I am.

Middle-aged man had a hair transplant about two months ago...

Infection throwing clots. You're an idiot.

Except you're not an idiot.

And she's holding a file for a 26-year-old female.

What do you really got for me?

Girl was doing an inverted yoga pose.

Neck snapped. Paralyzed from the neck down.

Except the x-rays show no evidence of spinal injury.

And she's cute.

Well played, sir.

What about Stephen Hawking trying to do the 500 butterfly?

Forget it. Brain cancer, brain surgery.

There's nothing left to diagnose. I would take the other one.

I'll take 'em both.

You don't think he had brain cancer?

Course he had brain cancer.

Even oncologists don't screw up for eight years.

So if there's no diagnostic issue, why are you taking the case?

Treatment can be interesting.

- Not to you. - I've changed.

- No, you haven't. - No, I haven't.

- So why are you taking the case? - Guy tried to kill himself.

The guy had cancer. He's a lump.

He hasn't been able to touch his wife, speak to his kids.

He's been in that chair for eight years.

His muscles have atrophied. Maybe I can help him with the pain.

Isn't that enough of a reason to want to help?

Not for you.

- I've changed. - No, you haven't.

Then why am I taking this case?

Let's start with the cute paraplegic.

Welcome back.

You look...

healthy.

Quad with no broken neck. Struck me as odd.

You could take a whole two minutes to ease into being back.

Wouldn't taken a whole month to ease back. But eight weeks

is the maximum rehab time for a gunshot wound to the stomach and neck.

So go.

We heard they never found the guy. There's no new leads?

What, you think he might've shot this patient, too?

- That would explain her symptoms. - Could be M. S.

See? It's not so difficult.

It's not M. S.

She had no symptoms before she climbed onto her head.

Unless she's been upside-down for the last ten years, M. S. Ain't it.

Could be transverse myelitis, swelling in the disks choking off nerve function.

MRI was negative for that.

Your leg looks fine. Totally pain free?

When did this turn into "What did you do over your summer vacation?"

"It's a little weird to discuss the case while you're staring

at your blood on the floor.

I asked Cuddy to replace the carpet.

I like the carpet.

What did you do over the summer?

- I... - Redo the tests.

Let's see if the source of the problem is in the limbs or the spine. Do an EMG.

Got a whole other quad to cover.

This guy's still got fluid in his lungs.

You don't think that's from the pool he drank?

Get him an OІ mask. His leg muscles have atrophied.

Tendons have shortened from disuse, causing intense pain.

Tendon surgery will make him more comfortable.

Comfortable?

Scoot.

Thanks for being here.

Not a problem.

My dad wouldn't kill himself.

You haven't spoken to him in over six years.

- I know my dad. - Mark, the doctor's just trying to...

He wouldn't kill himself.

Fine. I'm wrong.

You obviously have a better understan- ding of this man who drools in front of

- your TV set 24 hours a day. - Dr. House.

He must have been confused.

All right? It must have been an accident.

Hope it was a suicide attempt.

If he was trying to kill himself, then he knows how miserable his life is.

It means there's still something there to kill.

It means your dad's still there.

Sorry. Need you.

Thank you.

We were doing the EMG, but we never got past the insertion of the pin.

Did she just say "Thank you"?

I loaned her some money. What went wrong?

Nothing went wrong.

If nothing went wrong, then something went right.

You're not gonna tell me why she thanked you?

You're not gonna tell me what went right?

You did something for which she is grateful, and you're...

- embarrassed? - For you.

She saw you coming up, thought you were a 14-year-old boy. I set her straight.

I am not telling you what went wrong. Or right.

Until you tell me why she said thank you.

Oh, you've got me.

You know I need to know. I am so gonna fold.

Except you're forgetting there's one thing I can do now.

It's either that or a reflex response...

- What happened? - Okay.

This is Dr. House. House, this is Caren.

Pleasure's all mine. What happened?

When we inserted the conduction pin, she flinched.

She flinched! Did you hear?

Does that mean I'm getting better?

How big is a flinch? Bigger than a twitch? Smaller than a spasm?

You smoke?

Socially. A lot.

- You do yoga and you smoke? - I know. It's hypocritical.

Not at all. The world sees your legs.

No one's checking out your lungs.

- How would smoking... - It wouldn't.

I just needed a lighter.

- House! - Oh, my god!

- The case was looking so promising. - Hey, I'm not faking.

You moved. Therefore, you can move.

Get this lunatic out of here before she bores again.

I'm not faking!

I heard you were watching surgery with a patient's family.

Talking to a patient's family.

It's because of your hallucination, isn't it?

After you were shot.

You chose life. You decided you wanted meaning.

So you took a case with no mystery.

Something any doctor could do.

A case with no upside

except the satisfaction of helping another human being.

- She thanked me. - And...

you felt nothing.

I wasn't even sure what I was supposed to feel.

It's like your leg. It's atrophied.

Keep working it. The feeling will come.

Sorry.

Need you. Again.

- I told you to get rid of her. - It's a good thing we didn't.

Tightness in her chest. She can't breathe. It could be a pleural effusion.

Right. Either that or she's holding her breath like a four-year-old.

Relax.

I'm not gonna burn you again.

I'm going to stab you!

Look, either you're faking or you've got a pleural effusion. That's a buildup

of fluid around the lungs, which is very serious, and I'd have no choice but

to stab you in the back with this needle and suck all the fluid out of you.

- So. - We should give her a local.

That would defeat the point of me being nasty.

Ready?

- Down. - She can't breathe if she's down.

Down, down, down! Come on!

- That's not a pleural effusion. - The problem's in her heart.

Can't fake that.

I've had to relieve the pressure three times in the last two hours.

So either we figure out what's causing blood to build up around her heart,

or I follow her around with a needle for the rest of her life.

Echo was clean. No structural abnormalities.

Could be an infectious process, TB.

Or vasculitis would also explain the effusion.

But not the paralysis.

Let's assume that she wasn't faking it.

She moved. Therefore, she could move. She wasn't paralyzed.

Doesn't mean she was faking. Could have been a delusion.

Either she was faking

and coincidentally got a real cardiac problem at the exact same time,

or it's a delusion.