iCarly

Ooh, pretty.

Are these "I love you" flowers, or "I'm sorry" flowers?

- They're for you from a fan, which makes them

"Please scrub our address from the internet

so I can feel safe in my own home" flowers.

"Happy birthday." Nope.

I like flowers.

Okay.

We are all booked for Carly's birthday trip

to Snoqualmie Falls.

- Yeah! - Woo!

- Snoqualmie Falls birthday trip, yes!

You guys are going to have so much fun. Send pics.

You're not coming?

- Carly sends us away every year

because of her evil birthday curse.

Ooh.

- Don't know why you guys are doing ghost noises.

I'd take a ghost over this curse any day.

Ghosts can be hot. Remember Patrick Swayze?

- She's had a few minor mishaps on a few July 24ths.

A Few? Minor?

16th birthday, gummy bear lamp, burned down my bedroom.

19th, chipped my tooth on a banana, 24th,

got mugged for my Tamagotchi.

I miss you, Kuchipatchi.

It's the curse.

Ooh!

- Hey, Freddie, when did you get served your divorce papers

for both marriages?

- July 24th. I rescind my "woo."

- That's why I now spend my birthday alone

with a pie and nothing else.

If I'm home alone in my pajamas eating soft food with a spoon,

there's no way the curse can touch me.

Happy birthday, Carly Shay.

Principal Franklin? Hi.

It's so good to see you.

Curse.

- Why would you do that? We love Principal Franklin.

- Him being here can only mean one of two things.

There was a clerical error and I didn't actually graduate,

or the school burned down and they're trying to pin it on me

for leaving sparklers in my locker.

Oh, get out of the way.

Get out of the way.

So sorry about that, Principal Franklin.

Please, come in, have a seat.

- Don't worry; it's not about the sparklers.

Then what does bring you here

so dangerously close to my birthday?

I come bearing a gift.

Remember when Ms. Briggs asked all of her students

to write letters to their future selves

to be delivered on their 27th birthday?

Oh, yeah,

The "Where do you see yourself in 15 years?" thing.

She said she was going to deliver them herself.

- Well, she was supposed to, but she canceled

at the last minute. - She twist an ankle?

Break a hip? She fall down a well?

Please tell me she fell down a well.

Oh, she's fine.

She just hates you. - Mm, sure.

- Yeah, that makes sense. - Here you go.

This is so cool.

- She also gave me yours, Freddie.

- But my birthday isn't for several months.

Well, she hates you too.

And I'm retired, so I'm only making this trip once.

- Well, do you want to be with us while we open these?

I'll bet you're dying to hear our letter.

Oh, Freddie, that's sweet.

But I ran into some traffic on the way here,

and I got a little nosy, so I'm all caught up.

Bye-bye.

- It's good to see you. - Bye.

- "Hey, Carly Shay. It's me, Carly Shay.

"I'm writing this while I wait

for the tether ball court to free up."

- Ah, tether ball. The common man's polo.

"Happy birthday.

"Or at least by now I hope you have happy birthdays

"and that you found the courage to finally face your fears

"and break the birthday curse, because it's been debilitating,

"which was this week's vocab word.

"Have fun skydiving from your hover car,

my happier future self. Love, Carly."

Poor 12-year-old me; she thought she had it bad,

and she hadn't even met the goat yet.

- Goat? - We don't talk about the goat.

- Freddie, what's your letter say?

- "Hey, stud. I know you've been partying

"like a baller, but you're almost 30 now.

"So stop debilitating already. It's time to buckle down,

"start a business, and maybe have a kid.

"I know it'll be hard to let go of our sick, nasty party past,

but it's time to start our next chapter."

- Freddie, you're so ahead of schedule; good for you, man.

- Yeah, I guess. I mean, my marriages

and the businesses I started were all colossal failures,

and I have nothing to show for it.

Um, hi.

- Other than you, the most precious part of my universe,

I have wasted my 20s. I forgot to have fun.

How do you think I feel?

I wanted to have fun; I just couldn't.

Dear Spence, you crushed it.

- And that's why every dress needs pockets. Okay?

I'm not trying to have my purse strap pull down

the side of my dress and expose my bra strap, psh.

- You talk a lot. - Oh, thank you.

And you're welcome.

- Hello, I'll have-- - Hold up.

I got to turn these croissants 90 degrees every hour

so they get stale at the same pace.

People are so impatient. Oh, my God. You're--

- Alexavier, noted fashion photographer,

bocce enthusiast, and all-around standup guy.

- Uh-huh. - Oh, you're adorable.

I love being recognized.

Except when they have a subpoena, and then I'm like,

"Alexavier, what a dumb name." What's your name?

It's...

my name...

Merffin. - Huh.

Your name tag says Harper, but you know what?

Who uses their government name anymore?

I'll have a black coffee and an evenly stale croissant.

Or should I have the banana bread?

What do you recommend?

Oh, uh...ah.

Okay.

Oh, wow.

Could I get a black coffee, a croissant,

and a muscle relaxer for Merffin?

Oh, you overpacking too?

I brought three evening gowns and zero bras.

- I want to be ready for anything. Anything.

I may want a fall-side margarita.

- Where is it? - Wait, stop.

- What? - Her secret stash of things

my mom won't allow in our apartment?

- I'm telling you, there isn't one.

- It's in the drawer across from the sink.

- Yeah. - You just made the list.

No!

- Ooh, that's a nice touch. You're off the list.

Yes!

- Sugary cereal, nunchucks, a video game where you play

someone playing a violent video game.

Ohh. This is perfect.

No, there is nothing sadder

than an adult man on a skateboard.

- It's not a skateboard; it's a way of life.

Later, haters.

Hi, Freddie. Bye, Freddie.

Help me, haters.

What? He called us haters.

Big announcement.

I'm contemplating dipping my teensiest toe

into the waters of a birthday celebration.

This letter got me thinking.

I need to face my fears and do the hardest thing

for a woman in her mid- to late-20s.

Enjoy her birthdays.

- Uh, Harper, I eed-nay to alk-tay

to ou-yay in the udio-stay. - Okay-kay.

He probably wants to talk about the trip.

- At least I've still got my backup stash in your place.

I'm sorry, what?

- So you're going to have a birthday party, huh?

That sounds fun.

- No. No party. I just want something small.

Something like... - A total change of plans.

Snoqualmie is out; surprise party is in,

and we have to make it huge.

- This is a huge mistake. She said she wanted

to dip a little toe, not do a belly flop.

- I'm telling you, Carly wants...

- A quiet drive through the park.

- Really? With your driving history?

- You're right; I'm not thinking small enough.

Maybe I could just put ice cream on my pie.

I just generally want to avoid...

- People. Balloons. A champagne tower.

A surprise party to end all surprise parties.

You heard the letter; Carly needs this.

But Harper doesn't.

I really wanted to go to Snoqualmie Falls

so I could throw myself off of it.

- Okay, let it out. Dr. Spence is here.

My idol came into work today,

and instead of being my normal, fun,

fabulous, super charismatic, sexy self, I froze up.

- It's like when I had dinner with the Dalai Lama.

He was a lousy tipper.

You don't understand.

If I could have impressed Alexavier,

he might let me style one of his shoots.