iCarly

Oh, I don't know, do you want me to hold your paintball trophy

-while you open the door? -Oh.

Trophy-holding's only for winners.

Ouch.

No, but, seriously, today was so fun.

What are you up to tomorrow? You want to grab dinner?

Uh, actually I can't. I have to go to a thing

with another woman.

And now it's my turn to say, "Ouch."

I-It's my nonna.

Uh, she's old-school Italian,

so the two of us always do Sunday dinner together.

Uh, don't get jealous,

but she does always kiss me good night.

I lived in Italy for a few years.

Sì, uh...

Okay, someone only learned the food words.

Well, I couldn't cook. How else was I supposed to eat?

Tell me more about this Sunday dinner.

Nonna goes all out-- I mean, Sunday sauce, handmade pasta.

She spends the entire day in the kitchen.

How cool. You know, I love dinner.

And I'd love to meet your grandmother.

Uh... yeah.

I'm not sure we're there yet.

Oh, really?

I mean, I just thought we were.

Uh, yeah, no, it's ju-- it's just that her place is

really, really small, so...

Well, I'll make Sunday dinner.

Didn't you just say you can't cook?

Well, I couldn't cook then,

but now... I'm amazing.

Handmade pasta? I'm a master at that...

cranky machine thingy.

Come on, it'll be fun.

Tomorrow night.

Okay... sure. Yeah, uh,

we'll see you tomorrow night for dinner at Carly's Cucina.

That means kitchen.

Yes, it does.

* I know *

* You see *

* Somehow the world will change for me *

* And be so wonderful *

* So wake up the members of my nation *

* It's your time to be *

* There's no chance unless you take one *

* And the time to see the brighter side *

* Of every situation *

* Some things are meant to be *

* So give your best and leave the rest to me. *

Spencer, can I host a really important dinner party

here tomorrow night, so I can meet Wes's grandma?

I can? Thank you.

Ooh! Meeting the family?

Sounds like you're getting serious,

like me and Maeve and our perfect relationship.

Oh, there's my Sleeping Beauty,

freshly risen from dozing the day away.

Mmm. Well...

I wouldn't need a nap if my sweet baby

didn't snore all night.

Oh. I could've sworn I was the one up all night,

thanks to your ocean noise machine.

-Nothing more soothing than the sounds of seagulls. -Mm.

-Squawk! Squawk! -Mmm.

I love those birds.

Maybe more than I love you.

Just kidding.

-Bye. -

See?

Aren't we adorable?

That was my nightmare.

Seems like you burned right through the honeymoon phase,

and now you're on to the next one.

Which is what?

The "smean" phase--

where everything's mean...

but with a smile.

Carly, check it out-- the perfect look

for Double Dutch's first music video with a real budget.

It's kaleidoscope like her first single "Kaleidoscope."

And it's tattered like her second single "Tatters."

And it's elegant like her third single...

-"Ugly." -Uh...

yeah, so ugly.

Wow, the disrespect.

Double Dutch is on the rise,

and she's counting on me to help her get to the next level.

Like, where would Gaga be without her meat dress?

Or where would Katy Perry be without her cupcake bra?

Wait, should I be doing something with food?

I don't know, I don't want to think about food.

I invited Wes and his grandmother over for dinner,

and he said we weren't there yet.

But you've been on nine dates.

I know. So after that,

I pushed him just a little...

and he said, "Sure."

Ooh.

I know.

Now I have to make this gourmet feast.

-You don't cook. -So I can impress his grandma.

Who he didn't want you to meet.

And then maybe he'll define the relationship

and ask me to be his girlfriend.

You two haven't done that yet?

Oh, I mean, yes!

Great plan. Manifest, queen.

But, look, you don't have to pretend to cook.

Just be your authentic self.

: Hello, Harper Designs,

Miss Pennyfeathers speaking. How may I help you?

: It's Dutch.

: I'll see if Miss Harper's available.

Aw, Miss Pennyfeathers,

the hardest-working fake assistant in the biz.

: Mm-hmm. Dutch!

How are you?

I hear you're having a dinner party,

which is perfect timing because

I just finished the beta version of the app I'm developing.

Can I give you the Barracuda Boardroom pitch?

Fine. I'll pretend to be a wealthy,

overly judgmental investor

that can make or break you.

Freddie Benson is an app designer

from Seattle, Washington.

He's cool with fish,

cruel with bedtimes, and he's come here today

to share an app that's going to revolutionize cooking.

Hey, Barracudas.

Whipping up a big meal is hard.

With all the different recipes and ingredients and timing,

who can keep it straight?

That's why I created Bon Appe-timer,

the app that takes the guesswork out of kitchen work.

Just drag in your recipes and the app alerts you

every step of the way.

This is exactly what I need.

-Well, I'm in. -You're right.

Kaleidoscope, tatters, elegance-- it's so passé.

I don't know why my assistant pulled that.

: Please don't fire me, Miss Harper.

I need this job to feed me family.

: All right, I'll give you one last chance.

Yeah, girl, she been messing up a lot.

I got to say, Freddie's app is saving my butt.

I couldn't decide between rigatoni, ziti, or spaghetti,

so I found a recipe that uses them all.

It's called Raviolo Maximo.

It's the Turducken of pasta.

Yeah, Turducken, yum.

Wow, the disrespect.

Sorry, I'm distracted.

Dutch has hated the last five looks I've shown her.

If this one's not a hit, I'm probably fired.

Do you think she'll like this?

Reminder, I am very fragile.

Yeah, she's gonna love it.

But if she doesn't, are you just gonna bail on it again?

If I want to keep my job!

I can't just tell Double Dutch what I think.

But isn't that exactly what you're hired to do?

Carly...

sweet Carly.

You know nothing.

I've been saying that for years.

Oh, that reminds me. Millicent, I am begging you,

please be nice to me tonight.

You got it, Aunt Carly.

Wes really hit the jackpot when he met you.

Already bribed her?

Yep. I wanted you to be able

to focus on what matters the most tonight.

Defining my relationship with Wes?

No, the real star of this evening--

my app.

-Ooh, pasta's ready. -Great news!

Figured out how to stay in the honeymoon phase.

I found this book How to Stay in the Honeymoon Phase.

Listen.

"The first thing you should know is that

"for every relationship, the honeymoon phase

ends at some point."

This book was written by a mean liar.

Okay, he's here.

Uh, remember, this dinner is really important to me,

so everyone be on their best behavior.

Welcome.

Uh, sorry, I came straight from work.

Carly, this is my nonna Sylvia.

: It is so nice to meet you.

Uh, this is my brother Spencer, that's Freddie

and his daughter Millicent, and my roommate Harper.

: Hello!

What a nice-looking bunch you are.

And, Carly, aren't you a stunner.

Thank you, Sylvia.