Hacks

Look at that speed.

Damien.

He's clocking at 9 miles per hour.

Ooh! Let's get his info.

Paris team is looking good.

They were the laughingstock of the Hospitality Olympics

last year, but they've really turned things around.

They've got a strong anchor.

Mm.

She's quick, but I worry about precision.

We're only staffing the best of the best at the Diva.

Ooh, is that what you're calling the casino?

Mm-hmm.

The Diva. I like that.

Diva.

Ooh! Look at that little one.

He lets the suck of the vacuum pull him.

He'll be less prone to injury.

Smart.

Okay. Done.

- I like his passion. - No. Can't do it.

- Horrible at trivia. - Call it. Call it, ref.

Yes! Who do you think you are?

I am.

I am Ray, motherfuckers!

Pretty good.

Come on, let's go. It needs to be perfect.

Work for this. Work for this.

This is where a hotel succeeds or fails...

A well-made bed.

That's almost all there is.

Look at him in the vest.

I like the way he handles the top sheet.

Go, Sophie! Go! Go!

I did not wanna bring you tonight.

Prove me wrong!

He's a surgeon.

Quick but measured, efficient but not careless.

Fold that top!

Hospital corners!

We went over this, Sophie!

Jesus Christ!

Check, check.

Whoo! Yes!

I am the best bedmaker in the world!

Okay, girl, I see you.

- I'm buzzed, buzzed. - Moment of truth.

Buzzed, buzzed.

- Good girl! - See? I'm on your side, girl.

Oh.

You know what I miss? Go Fish.

Mom! Mom!

Hi, guys.

Mom, I need you.

Oh, no, honey. Is Aidan leaving you?

This is what men do.

They leave.

Okay, you gotta make sure that all the vehicles

- are in your name. - No.

- Are they? - No, no, no, no.

- Are they? - Mom!

They're finally doing "Celebrity Amazing Race"!

- Oh. - Remember?

You said that you would go on it with me

- if they ever made it? - Oh.

Oh, yeah.

No, DJ, you know that I'm gagged.

I can't do any TV.

No performing for months.

Nice try. I called your lawyer.

- You called Stewart? - Well, that's what you get

for suing me for criminal negligence

for breaking Grandma's teapot, okay?

Stewart and I have developed a lovely working relationship,

and he says you're in the clear,

as long as this season airs after the non-compete expires.

- And it does! So suck it! - No.

You are not allowed to do a reality show.

That has always been our rule.

Mom, this is really important to me, okay?

You know it's important to me.

"Amazing Race" got me sober.

Excuse me, I think $400,000 worth of rehab got you sober.

Nope, that failed.

Episodes of "The Amazing Race" got me through

some really dark times, okay?

Phil Keoghan is my higher power.

And you promised me that if I got sober,

we would go on it together.

Okay. Okay.

You're right. I'll think about it.

Yeah, think about it.

But I need an answer by 5:00, okay?

Plus, if we win, we get a million dollars,

which covers my allowance for the year.

Well, honey, I think all that money goes to charity.

Oh, fuck! Really? Ugh.

That's so stupid. You know what?

I'm sure there's a workaround. I still wanna do it.

I'm gonna go practice driving on the wrong side of the road.

- Christ. - Yeah.

Look, I don't think it's the worst thing

in the world for you to go on a reality show.

I mean, there'll be a big announcement revealing

the cast, and you can get them to plug.

MSG in the press release.

You know, she's right.

Reality shows do give celebrities fresh relevance.

That's true.

But the problem with reality shows is,

you cannot control the narrative.

I mean, that's why I've turned down Andy Cohen

more than every twink on Fire Island.

And they can make you look however they want.

I mean, don't worry about me, but I mean, they could really

make DJ look like a fool.

I mean, she doesn't seem too worried to me.

Yeah.

And having her as my teammate,

we'd probably be out in the first leg.

I could be home in a week.

You do need to sell tickets.

Well, I guess it looks like I'm doing "The Amazing Race."

Whoo!

Girl, I cannot wait to watch your ass.

Gonna be great.

Oh, that's bad too.

Food waste is so depressing.

You know this is the fourth blackout we've had this year?

It's the sixth.

Two happened during separate 12-hour naps you were taking.

Not sleeps, naps.

And you slept those nights too.

That's even worse.

Thank God I'm such a good napper or I'd be even more

stressed out about the climate crisis.

And don't monitor my sleep.

It's private.

But it's fascinating.

- Jimbo! What's up? - Hey.

So I just finished lunch with Jessica Duncan,

and I have great news.

She loves the "Who's Making Dinner" idea.

- She wants to hear it. - Are you serious?

Yeah, she flipped out.

- Are you peeing? - What?

Call me back if you're peeing.

I can talk to you in a second.

No, I'm making coffee, although I have peed

while we were on the phone before.

Okay.

Anyway, I wanna get you and Deborah in a room with her.

Is Deborah excited?

Because this could be really big.

Um, I have not yet...

I haven't talked to Deborah yet.

Well, you need to ASAP.

Also, I do need to flag one issue with the rights.

Apparently, when Frank died, he left them to Kathy.

Please tell me you mean Najimy.

Why would I mean Kathy Najimy?

No, Kathy, her sister, the one who hates her.

I even tried to grease the wheels.

I gave her a call today, but she wanted

to get off the phone because she said I was, quote,

"an enabler of her abuser." - Whew.

Which I think is unfair, but you know what?

We all have our narratives, so whatever.

Whatever to her.

She's a fucking bitch.

Okay, well, uh, I'll...

I'll talk to Deborah.

Let me know what our girl says.

And if she is not happy, don't tell me.

Just internalize it.

I think you're packing too much stuff.

Do you really have room for six rolls of toilet paper?

Oh, you can't just downgrade

your toilet tissue out of nowhere.

I haven't had time to build up any kind of a tolerance.

It's a shock to the system.

I mean, you can go to the hospital.

Totally.

Um, hey, while I have you,

so you know how I have that blind script deal?

Mm-hmm.

Well, I figured out what I wanna do.

I wanna reboot "Who's Making Dinner?"

- Oh. - Um, yeah.

It would take place in the same house,

but instead of a young couple, it would follow

some Gen Z friends who have to all

live together to afford it.

I could pitch it, and then you could just,

like, totally rewrite it if you wanted to.

Like, just whichever version works for you,

I feel like, yeah, down with.

But I just wanted to run it by you, because...

I... I really don't wanna do a reboot

of "Who's Making Dinner?"