Wag the Dog

Another great race today, Johnny.

Who are you gonna ride in the stakes?

Well, Eddie, like my daddy always used to say,

and I live by it,

"never change horses in midstream."

Never change horses.

Sounds like a smart bet to me.

Yeah. Always stick with a winner.

Announcer: Keep america working.

Don't change horses in midstream.

On election day

reelect the President.

Guard: Can I get you to step this way, Mr. Brean?

Lift your arms, please.

That's him.

That's Mr. Fix-it.

It's right over here.

Winifred ames: Yeah, you can have a seat right here, Connie.

He doesn't know anything.

These, uh...

John Levy's staff,

his assistant,

and, of course, Amy Cain, press.

Uh, yes.

Thank you. That'll be all.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Do you want some coffee?

Yeah, black, please.

Gaviston, bring some coffee, please. Black.

All right, you kids here in this room,

what you hear here, what you say here,

what you do here, if it gets out,

you leaked it.

Tell them what they need to know.

When it broke,

the President said one thing.

"Get me Conrad brean."

Anyway, what's the thing?

He had an illegal immigrant nanny some years back?

Didn't declare her?

You people get ahead in the polls,

all of a sudden you get a little nervous.

He made a pass at some secretary some years ago?

There was a group of firefly girls

from Santa fe here last month.

One of the girls expressed an interest

in a Frederic Remington bust.

The President took her into...

You know the office behind the oval office?

For a period of...

It couldn't have been over 3 minutes.

The secret service will back me up on that.

So it's not the illegal immigrant nanny thing?

The girl's alleging?

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

We're virtually certain that...

Maybe we could say

it was a funny drug reaction to the flu.

Who's got the story?

Don't you want to know if it's true?

What difference does it make if it's true?

It's a story and it breaks,

they're gonna have to run with it.

How long we got till it breaks?

Front page,

Washington post tomorrow.

Oh, well, yeah. Now that's not good.

Ok, where is he?

China.

China, ok. When is he due back?

They're set to leave pretty soon.

Uh, yeah.

Well, all right, he stays on the ground in China.

At least another day.

Why?

Are you the press office?

Yes.

Earn your money... he's ill, the plane is sick.

When do we bring him back?

I'm gonna need a day.

At least a day.

He's sick. Get that out right now.

Get 'em on the phone

and tell the jackals how sick he is.

We gotta get that out before the story breaks

so we aren't caught responding to it.

Issue it as a bulletin. He's got some rare strain...

Won't hold.

I need a day. I need some running time.

It won't even hold a day, Connie.

Yes, it will. You know why? I'll tell you why.

Why is the President in China?

Trade relations.

You're goddamn right,

and it's got nothing to do with the B-3 bomber.

There is no B-3 bomber.

I just said that. There is no B-3 bomber,

and I don't know why these rumors get started.

All right, I need $20,000.

I need a car.

Get me a car and a driver.

The southwest gate now, please.

Try and get me...

What?

What is it?

Campaign commercial.

Should we look at it?

Yeah, yeah, put it in.

Oh, this should be interesting.

Brean: What is it?

The rough cut.

The other side's new commercial.

Oh, the Neal commercial.

Yeah. We had somebody steal it

from the editing bay.

Turn it up.

This'll be on the air the day after tomorrow.

Announcer: In the final days of the campaign,

has the President changed his tune?

Announcer: The presidency is about honor.

Announcer: It's about principles.

Announcer: And it's about integrity.

This tune has got to change.

On election day,

vote Neal for President.

Oh, boy.

All right, who's gonna take the press conference today?

Is there a press conference today?

Well, what do you think?

We're gonna have to use this as a base of operations.

I'm gonna need 1 day, 2 days.

Whoever's leaking that stuff

to that geek at the post lets it slip,

"jeez, I hope this won't screw up the B-3 program."

"What B-3 program, and why should it screw it up?"

"Well, if the President decides to deploy the B-3

before it's fully tested..."

"Deploy the B-3 before it's fully tested?"

"Yeah." "why?"

"Why? The crisis."

What crisis?

I'm working on that.

All right, at the same time, get general Scott

and the joint chiefs of staff

and put 'em on a plane to Seattle right away.

He's all flustered and nervous

to talk to the boeing people.

Right, but... but...

But... but what?

But there isn't a B-3 bomber.

Where'd you go to school, kid, Wellesley?

Dartmouth.

Then show a little spunk. There is no B-3 bomber.

General Scott, to the best of your knowledge,

is not in Seattle to talk to boeing.

It won't hold. It won't prove out.

It doesn't have to prove out.

We just gotta distract 'em.

Just gotta distract 'em.

Got less than 2 weeks to the election.

What in the world would do that?

I'm working on it.

I'm working on it.

Winifred, Mr. Brean.

Thank you.

What's this?

$20,000.

I gotta go to L.A. and see a Hollywood producer.

You'll meet me at national in an hour.

We'll go to Chicago and connect there to L.A.

See you at national.

Tell me this again.

We landing?

Tell me again.

Don't worry about it. It's nothing new.

During Reagan's administration, 240 marines killed in Beirut.

24 hours later we invade Grenada.

That was their m.O.

Change the story, change the lead.

It's not a new concept.

Wake me when we touch down. We'll talk more about it.

Wait, wait.

We can't afford a war.

We're not gonna have a war.

We're gonna have the appearance of a war.

We cannot afford the appearance of a war.

What'll it cost?

But they would find out.

Who's gonna find out?

The American people?

Exactly.

Who's gonna tell 'em?

What did they find out about the Gulf war?

One video of one bomb falls down a chimney,

blows up the building.

The building could have been made out of legos.

You really want us to go to war?

That's the general idea.

With who?

I'm working on it.