Arrested Development

Michael was on his way to see Rebel Alley

after being less than honest with his son

about having broken up with her...

I got a cactus, for God's sakes.

That's a universal sign for "things are over."

When he'd actually told her...

I ain't going nowhere.

George Michael had similarly made a false claim.

- Do you have plans with Rebel? - Yeah.

- Do you? Good for you guys. - I do, yeah.

- It's fun. Yeah. - When the truth was...

I haven't seen her since I punched him.

And each was worried the other would say,

"You lied to me, and that's worse."

He's gonna say, "And that's worse."

Michael decided to tell Rebel he was going somewhere.

George Michael, meanwhile, was approaching the same apartment with a plan of his own.

You take my bag of lacy ticklers, hoo-ha bras, dog toys,

and sex knobs with you, and you act like you're expecting

a booty call, as the old people think the young people say.

Tell her, "I'm here for a quickie, and I'm out of here." Mr. Brash.

So when Michael saw his son brashly approaching,

he decided to be the adult in the relationship

and avoid conflict by squatting in a bush,

until his son passed on his way to what the young people

refer to as a booty call.

Yeah, standing out here with a bag of sex toys!

Let's go! Not getting any less horny out here. How are you?

I think she's gone until tomorrow.

Is she? Good. 'Cause I was getting less,

uh... what I mentioned earlier.

Moments earlier, a still squatting Michael

noticed something in the bushes.

All right in there?

Hey. Toddler. Hey.

Uh, this looks, um...

You know, there's a woman in there who's obsessed with me...

- Oh, this one, too? - Yep. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, actually, I have a question for you.

- Okay. - I'll come out.

Oh. Okay.

Do you remember when I called you about my brother Buster?

The missing person thing. Did he show up?

- Did anybody claim him? - They got him.

- They did. I had a feeling. - Yeah.

Well, I'm going home. Okay. Great.

I live here.

Oh. Didn't know they paid you that fair.

Yeah, good for you.

That is one dirty cop.

Dad.

But diplomacy won the day.

Yeah, I'm just... I'm making sure that she knows that we broke up.

I could run that up for you. Save you a trip.

Okay. Yeah.

Make sure she doesn't think you're trying to break up.

Nah.

You reconsidered the scuba trip?

Oh, God, it's tempting as hell, but I...

- You're in love. - So in love.

Maybe next time?

Promise?

I do.

Ciao.

I'll see ya.

But moments after leaving his father's gift

- outside Rebel's door... - George!

Hey! Oh!

What are you doing here?

Uh, uh, you mean without calling?

I know. I'm sorry. I was shooting this tiny movie

in Mexico for two months, and, uh, I meant to call you.

And I just landed. How did you find out I was back?

Thought I'd get lucky. Well, you'd get lucky.

I'm sure that strikes you as inconsiderate... I got it.

- Thank you so much. - Oh, he's my hero.

Well, I hope he's not expecting a tip.

- They instruct us not to ask. - I don't have any cash.

George Michael decided to split the difference.

Just take it. Jerk. Kidding.

Sorry. Thank you. Beat it.

- Nice guy. Tough job. - What?

Tough guy. Thinks he's a tough guy.

But he does a nice job.

As do these sex toys I caddishly brought you.

Wait.

What is this used for?

That is a device

that older people use to put their shoes on...

without bending over!

Get Shoedini right this second.

Come on, please!

It's not just a shoehorn.

It's a shoehorn on a stick!

From TV? Well, I can think of another use for it.

But I've gotta be gone in five minutes. I've gotta pick up my son.

It's gonna be a quickie, and then we can get out of here.

Which was the line George Michael had planned to use,

so he improvised.

Fine, but I hope we can spend some quality time together later.

Oh, my God, you're the dream boyfriend.

Well...

Now the story of a wealthy family

who lost everything, and the one son

who had no choice but to keep them all together.

It's...

Having just handed his son a breakup cactus,

Michael boarded the boat

for his three-month sojourn to stare at the ocean floor.

But not without some regret.

While up the wharf, the other Bluths prepared

to graciously receive the Family of the Year award

they were generously giving themselves

at the banana stand,

only to discover...

- There's no banana stand. - What happened?

Who was the advance?

Who was the advance team? You're the campaign manager.

- This could ruin your mother's campaign. - I can't take credit for this.

Because she had a plan.

Why don't you write a speech for her to say about you?

When my mom's giving the speech,

we'll be in the background, and we're going at it.

And then, I open my mouth,

and I have these rotted-out meth teeth, and I'm like,

"Why do I gotta my cousin for meth money, Mom?"

Yeah, we're circling it.

- Um, I'll get into it. - Oh, my God.

Hi, this is Maeby Fünke, for the Lindsay Bluth campaign.

Where are my meth teeth? It's been over two hours.

Nobody's seen the stand since Cinco. Kids probably threw it in the water...

- Which was bad news for Tobias... - You can't have

a family-friendly banana stand award without a man dressed... What?

Who had finally found a way to slip into the family.

I'm out. I know.

I get it.

I feel like a moron.

All right. We're set up. Paid the crew $75 an hour. Let's go.

- Let's go. - Wait.

Lindsay's not here. Why are we starting?

It's okay. I'll go.

I got something for Dad, anyway.

This is O.C. Can You Say by the Sea.

We're bringing you

the first annual Family of the...

Of the Year!

Let's hear it for the... of the Year!

I thought there was gonna be music or...

Thank you, Beard, for...

"Dad..."

You were always there for me. You were always there for me.

And, man, we've had fun together.

How about that Mexico trip?

Things we'll remember:

'always horny' shirts...

eating chips in the car...

'Shut up, G.O.B.!'

And almost making love to some roadside bushes.

"'Shh. Don't tell Mom!'"

What?

"Remember how our Winnebago got demolished by that train?"

So many memories.

That's why all you have to do is look at me, and you'll realize

that you've done something great in this life.

You are the golden anchor of this family,

the man who not only left his mark on Newport

with the great banana... stand...

up. Good habit. Standing is... Yep.

You always leave your mark everywhere you sit.

So I give you

the biggest anchor of gold in the world.

I only wish it were real gold so that you wouldn't have 30 years

"of hard work ahead of you."

Thirty years!

What a horrible speech.

Oh, my gosh.

Uh, thank you.

I, uh...

Oh, wow, it's heavy. I haven't... This, uh, well...

Let 'em try to take this away from me, huh?

They'll have to pry it out of your cold, dead hands.

And soon, Lindsay arrived

in what was her second outfit of the day.

Oh, you're not wearing that.

You're running to fill a House seat, not a sofa.

I'm starting to worry you're not even capable

of saying something nice about me in your speech.

Lindsay, saying nice things about you is easy.

Oh, Mom.

The hard part is not sounding sarcastic.

Oh, now, seriously, go change.

That outfit shouldn't even come in that size.

How about this, Mom?

Nothing to criticize now. Happy?

Come on, let me hear one of your crinkly smiles.

At least it fits.

- Look who grew out of her sheet. - I thought about it.

It's a big day. I'm being honored. I should look my best.

Well, let me know when you do.

And you just won yourself a sheet-covered daughter.