Rules of Engagement

Hey, Aud. Hey...

You.

Jeff, you know Ana.

She's been cleaning for us for six months.

She sure is dusting off those cookies.

Hola, Mr. Jeff.

I have to apologize for my socks.

My feet sweat a lot but.

I, uh... I guess you knew that.

Anyways, uh...

Cerveza.

We should get you and that cleaning lady a maid.

Ana is more than just a cleaning lady.

She's become a friend.

Oh, here we go.

What? She's here to work.

If anybody should get pd to sit and listen to you yammer,

it's me.

First of all, if anyone should be compensated

for this marriage, it's me.

I should get hazard pay just for having to share a bathroom with you.

And honestly, why do you even care

if I sit and chat with Ana?

I'm just saying that you don't have to be best friends

with everybody who works for us.

I don't do that.

Then why am I going to the doorman's weddin?

I can't help it. I'm a people person.

Plus, Ana and I have a very good Time togeth.

You don't even speak the same language.

Oh, my Spanish is a lot better than you think it is, Jeff.

Si, si.

Ana.

Hilario.

Oh.

Classic Ana.

She, she kills me.

What, uh... what did she say?

It's kind of a private . It doesn't translate.

Ah, sir. I thought you had a lunch.

Well, luckily, I didn't, or it would be all over the floor.

Talk about a wood kille.

Implying that you walked in here with woo.

Always ready to party, .

Whoa, who's the...

Hey, what's that stuff that restores wood to its natural luster?

Teak oil? Yeah.

Whoa, who's the teak oi?

Stephanie, this syphilitic hobgobln is my boss.

Enchante.

Russell Dunbar...

Wealthy.

Uh, Stephanie is my running buddy.

We motivate each other.

I'd run pretty fast too,

if I was being chased by Mahatma Gumby over here.

Okay. And on that note, we really should get go.

I used to run a little bit.

Really?

Yeah.

Got a bum knee from an old Iron Man injur.

You did an Ironman triathlon?

Well, I, uh...

I hit a theater seat really hard

when I went to see Iron Ma.

It was pretty bad.

Hey, what's going on? Hey.

Ah, Mr. Rhodes. This is Stephanie.

Oh, hi. Hi.

Yeah. Hey, guess what.

I guess she's his "running buddy."

No air quotes. That's literally what she is.

Timmy and I are training for the marathon.

Yes, completing a marathon has long since been a personal goal of mine,

which I have so far been unable to achieve.

Hmm. Good luck tottering around Manhatn

on those Slim Jims you call legs.

Sir, your legs look like two rolls

of uncooked Pillsbury dough.

Hey, the top-selling pastry in America.

You can't hurt me, Tim.

Hey. You know, in high school, I was co-captain of my cross-country tea,

till I pulled a groin.

Oh, wow. Whose was it?

Yours or the other captain's?

Ha, ha.

Nice try embarrassing m, but it was mine.

I pulled my own groin, .

Well, if you want, you should join us.

You know, I might.

I've been meaning to get back into it.

Well, it might be a bit late in the game.

The marathon's less than a month away.

It doesn't matter. Running is 90% mental.

Anything you believe you can do, you can do.

Huh. Come on, let's go.

Hmm. Cheers. Bye-bye.

Wow. Yeah.

She really inspired me.

Yeah, me too.

I'm gonna run a maratho.

I'm gonna nail Stephani.

Oh.

Oh, look at that. You two are hugging now.

We were just saying good-bye, Jeff.

Muchas gracias, Miss Audrey.

Muchas gracias, Mr. Jef.

Oh.

I'm, uh...

I'm not much of a, uh... Here you go.

All right. All right, off you go.

Adios. Adios.

What's, uh...

What's with all the "muchas gracias"?

Uh, it means "thank you very much."

Yes, I knew that, Rosetta Stone.

What I meant was, why is she thanking us?

Well, we just did something very generous.

The second I saw you two sharing cookies,

I knew it would lead straight to my wallet.

Look, Ana needs an operation, okay?

I mean, you saw the way she limped out of here.

I just thought her leg had fallen asleep

from sitting around listening to you habla.

That, uh... that means "talk".

Look, we are not gonna y for the whole operation.

I had a wonderful idea.

She works for other people in the building,

so I'm gonna ask them to chip in.

I am bringing the whole community togethe.

Oh, I get it. Now you just want to show off to everyone,

make 'em think you're a hero.

Oh, well, forgive me.

Unlike you, I actually like doing good things for other people.

Well.

This isn't gonna end we.

How is being the leader of a charitable endeavor

not going to end well?

I don't know,

but I look forward to you showing me.

Hey, if charity's your ,

why not throw a little this way, huh?

Hey, I am happy to contribute.

I think it is so nice what you're doing for A.

Oh, I've heard all the adjectives...

Nice, noble, generous, selfless.

But honestly, I'm just being Audrey.

Hey, guys. Hey.

Did you go for a run or a swim?

Oh, my God, you guys are not gonna believe this.

Okay? According to my pedometer,

I just ran 30 miles in a half an hour.

Adam, you have it on clock mode.

You didn't run 30 miles. You ran for 30 minutes.

Yeah, but in a half an hour.

You know? I mean, that's, like, my personal best.

Whew.

Whoa.

What's happening with the band-aids?

He says it's a runner t.

Yeah, it prevents nip chafing.

You know how sensitive they can get.

It's pretty smart, huh?

Oh.

Oh! Ouch-less, my ass!

So why did you finally agree to have dinner with me?

Was it the two weeks of gentle stalking?

Actually, it was you emailing me as my friend Caitlin,

saying, "Meet me at this restaurant."

That was a good one, hu?

Look, you're funny and e in sort of an ironic wa.

That's what I'm going f.

Well, it's working. Hmm.

But you and I are very different peop.

Listen, we both put our pants on one leg at a time.

Hopefully, you'll see for yourself in the mor.

None for me, thanks. I got the marathon coming u.

Then you need to be hydrated.

Or, as I like to call i,

"wine-drated".

Look, if this was two years ago,

it'd be a very different story.

Really? I'd like to hear that story.

Well, I used to be a real party girl.

Drinking, staying out late...

One-night stands.

Oh, where did it all go wrong?

I just don't do anything halfway.

And these days, I'm all about running and training.

Hmm.

Well, I understand and respect that.

In fact, let's drink to that.

Oh, you going to the gy?

Move over, Mentalist. There's a new genius in tow.

You can't go yet. Ana's on her way over.

Oh, good. Well, it's been two wee.

This place is a dump.

She's not coming to clean.

She wants to thank us for her surgery.