A Happening of Monumental Proportions

Dad! We're gonna be late!

Dad?

Wakey, wakey!

Angela!

Darius, you need to stop FaceTiming me so often.

Shit.

Is that one of Mom's recipes?

Yep.

- Looks good. - Thank you.

- Want to pray? - Yeah.

Okay. Thank you, Father,

thank you, Father, for this food, for this food.

Many, many blessings, many, many blessings, ah-men, ah-men, amen.

Amen.

- Did you finish your work? - Yeah.

- Um, it was hard, but I called Isabella. - Isabella?

I thought she was not a good student.

She is, Dad. Where'd you hear that from?

Well, you told me last year she wasn't doing too well.

Especially not in math.

- That was last year. - Okay.

What's at 1:30?

Come on.

- Career Day. - Yeah.

Yeah. I'll be there.

It's just that there's the time change, and I--

But this is the only time we have to talk.

I know that. - Darius, the breakfast is ready.

In a minute!

If we don't FaceTime, we won't talk.

How will we stay friends?

You need to make new friends,

- ones that live in your own time zone. - No, wait, please!

Just go out and meet people. Make friends.

You'll be happier that way. You'll see.

- Just, please, hold on. - Bye, Darius.

Didn't you hear me calling you?

My huevoshave gone cold, Rosa.

My huevos have gone cold.

- Christian? - Hey.

What are you doing, man?

I was just meditating.

You all right, man?

Yeah. Yes.

Yeah, I'm good. I'm awesome.

Bullshit.

Did she kick you out again? 'Cause you can't

keep passing out in your car like this, man.

You're pissing everybody off in the building.

Yeah. No, you're right. Absolutely right.

Cool. Cool, cool, cool.

Also, it's the 5th, so if you could

drop your check off in my box, that would be great.

You know what happens when it's the 6th.

- That was... - Huh?

...a one-time thing, okay?

That's great.

Cool.

Sweetheart, please call us back. Your dad and I are worried.

We know what happened with the record label, honey.

I know you must feel terrible.

We just want you to know

that we love you no matter what.

Please give us a call, honey. Please?

- Ugh! - Ladies.

Well, did you call 911?

- Yes. - What'd they say?

Well, they said since he's already dead,

it's not technically an emergency.

- I don't know about that, but-- - What are you doing?

Documenting. It's the first part of any investigation.

This isn't an investigation.

- It is now. - Ned, stop it.

If I see that on the Facebook...

Facebook?

I'm on Snapchat.

- I think we should move him. - Why?

Because the kids are gonna be walking right by here!

The kids. That's right.

Do you think it would hurt him?

- Where should we put him? - Um, let's put him in the, uh,

uh, up in the teacher's lounge.

- Okay. - Okay.

Oh!

Well, good morning.

Good morning.

You're here early, aren't you?

Uh-huh.

Well, why don't you just take a seat,

and we'll be right back.

Okay.

Move!

Stop.

- Wait, please. - Stop.

They told me to sit here while they moved the man.

Sounds good to me.

He's gone.

1:30. I don't want you to be late.

I'm not gonna be late.

- Promise? - Yeah.

- Who's that? - That's Mr. McCrow. He's the music teacher.

Is he smoking a cigarette?

Two.

Should he be doing that on campus?

Probably not.

Excuse me.

Excuse me!

Should you be smoking on school grounds?

- I mean, the guy is smoking three-- - Dad!

- I don't under-- - Dad, I've gotta go.

Okay. All right.

- One... - Thirty.

Darius?

Today's my last day.

What?

I got a new job with a new family.

I'm sorry. I... I didn't know how to tell you.

You're leaving me?

It's just too much moving.

Will I still see you?

I hope so.

Got you some Rolos... to help you make friends.

Bye, Rosa.

Bye, Darius.

All right, there.

Principal Nichols?

- Jesus! - I know.

We found him this morning next to a big pile of manure.

He must've passed away

before he had a chance to spread it over the lawn.

It's okay, Mindy.

But it really does make you think...

about the anonymity of it all.

I mean, this man tended to our grounds for a decade.

we don't even know his name.

- Kevin. - What?

Kevin. His name was Kevin.

Kevin.

Thought it'd have been something more Mex...

more monosyllabic.

Like Joe, maybe, or, uh, Ted,

You know? A good Ted.

But Kevin? Ha!

Never heard of a gardener named Kevin.

Mindy, we need to leave him here so the kids don't see him.

Now, I've called the paramedics. They should be here soon. Oh!

You're just a big bag of surprises this morning, aren't you, Kev!

That'll do, Ned.

Now, we've got to go out and do morning assembly.

When the paramedics arrive, lead them here and show them the body.

In the meantime, see if you can find his emergency contact information.

- We should notify his family. - Should I close the lounge?

Close the teacher's lounge?

Do you have any idea what kind of shit storm that would unleash? No!

Okay, but if we're gonna be storing a corpse here, don't you think--

Hey, morning, everybody.

Say, did you guys catch The Voicelast night?

There was this guy, had the face of a toad.

I mean, this guy was ugly,

even by amphibian standards,

but then he opens his mouth to sing,

and darned if that toad doesn't just turn into

a strapping young prince right before your very eyes.

But then I guess that's why they call it The Voice.

Excuse me. I'm sorry about this.

All right, have a good day. I'll see you later.

- Close the lounge. - Yeah, go ahead and close it.

Now.

- Hello? - Daniel?

- Yeah? - Daniel Crawford?

Yes.

This is Bob.

- Bob? - Nadine's wife.

Husband. Sorry, I meant husband.

Listen, I know about you and Nadine.

- What? - Spare me the bewilderment, Danny.

I know it's happening, you know it's happening, we both know it's happening.

I'm calling because I want to get lunch with you.

You want to get lunch with me?

- Yes. - Why?

Lots of reasons,

curiosity being the largest, I guess.

A man having sex with your wife,

you're naturally inclined to compare yourself to him.

It's masochistic but unavoidable.

Oh, and there's one other thing. I don't want to lie,

so I'm going to be very up-front about this.

- I may kick your ass. - No, Bob--

My secretary's going to call Nadine, and they'll set up a time for us.

I'm totally cock-fucked with appointments today,

but I think I'll be able to squeeze it in.