Night School

Oh, my God.

Come on. Man.

I don't know this stuff.

That's not even close.

No.

Teddy! Dinner, baby.

Your father's waiting.

What do you mean, you're protesting the state achievement test?

Sounds like someone's unprepared.

I am prepared. Mmm.

To take a stand.

Pops, those standardized tests are culturally biased.

They want me to calculate the average number of manatees

that are in Florida.

What does that have to do with the African-American experience?

You hear that, Gladys?

We got Minister Louis Farrakhan at the table.

You know what, Teddy? The last time I checked,

your twin sister, Denise here, is black.

And she pulled a 1500 on the practice test.

It was actually a 1540, Daddy.

Ah! You go, girl. That's my baby.

Just doing what I do best, outshining Teddy's butt.

What's this really all about, Teddy bear?

Hmm?

Do you need help?

Is that what this is all about?

I don't know, Mommy.

Maybe I do need help.

Help yourself to the goddamn study book.

Hell, you get 400 points just for signing your name!

You do know how to spell your name, don't you?

T-H-E...

What? You wrong.

Ain't no "H" in my name.

She's spelling your legal name.

Theodore.

Well, there goes those 400 points.

She like a Chinese boy at school.

Shut your pie hole!

Everyone, take a seat.

T-H-E...

Don't even look at him. Stewart's an asshole.

Okay, students.

Please break the seal on your test books

and begin.

Mmm.

Done.

You finished the whole test?

No, I'm done with this!

I'm finished.

Do I look like a sheep to you, Marv?

No.

You all can continue to be sheep. I'm not gonna be nobody's sheep.

Mr. Walker.

I don't know how to make the noise, but you know what I'm trying to say.

Y'all can keep falling for the Man's plan, if you want to,

but y'all gonna end up in stupid student debt.

You look like bad credit already.

This whole section right here reeks of Discover cards,

with your broke ass.

I'mma be a winner.

I'mma succeed in the School of Life doing real stuff.

I'mma get me a real fly car, and I'm gonna have me a nice girl.

Y'all ain't gonna make it.

Ted, get out!

Denise got hair on her titties.

- Cat's out the bag! - Get out! You're embarrassing us!

Y'all some sheep! Y'all sheep!

In your face! Ha-ha.

Stupid.

And I'mma be rolling in the dough.

And, by the way Denise, I think Denise has incredible titties.

Marv, shut up!

This project has taken over my life.

- Come on. - God, I can't wait to sleep.

Come here.

- Thank you, baby. - No problem.

Oh. I'm so nervous about tonight.

Thank God you're coming.

Why are you nervous?

Lis, you did an amazing job. You're gonna kill this.

- It'll be the hottest spot in Atlanta. - Okay.

Will the lovely Maya be joining us this evening as well?

I don't like him.

Chef Clemont invited my entire team to dinner tonight.

So, be nice, okay?

- Yes. - Maybe try to compliment her.

Okay.

- Love you. Okay, bye. - Love you. Have a good day.

- Hey, Maya! - Hey, Teddy.

Somebody looks extremely attractive today.

Thank you.

Not that I'm looking at you the same way I look at my woman

because I wouldn't do that.

- Let's just go. - Let's go.

I love the weave!

Teddy!

Or the wig. Whichever.

It's my hair.

- You did that, boo. - Stop it!

I'm just gonna stop.

You get what I'm trying to do.

He's jealous of your beauty.

I blew it. I definitely blew that.

Oh, look, there's Teddy. Teddy!

Yo, Teddy!

My name is Teddy, and I am here to make your barbecue dreams come true.

Now, Esther, you're a small woman, but I know you have a big heart

which is why I'd recommend the Big Steel for you.

Not a lot of women can take this much steel,

but I know you can. Mmm.

The Pitbull, huh?

You're not Spanish, are you?

I can see it in your eyes, Morris.

But I can also tell that your wife isn't on the same page.

I mean, it's not like she completely controls the purse strings.

Enjoy it!

Don't you let me down!

You better stop it, man. Don't you start that.

That was a master class.

I couldn't get Bobby Flay to buy that beast.

You know what? Once I saw the man-purse

the guy was putty in my hands. He really was.

Teddy, I just want you to know, you are like the son I never had.

Well, I mean, come on, you got Joe Junior.

Well, yeah, but he's the son I do have

and I'm just not all that crazy about him.

I mean, look at him.

But my point is this, all those years ago

I took a chance on a pimply-faced teenager.

My little Gary Coleman. My little Webster.

And it turned out great for both of us.

So I've decided, when I retire...

I'm turning Barbecue City

over to you.

Excuse me?

What?

Don't shit me.

I'm serious!

Oh, my God, Joe! I just got goose bumps!

- Yes. - I got goose bumps all over!

I don't know what to say, man! Thank you!

No, thank you, son.

Whatchu talkin' bout, Joe?

You better come here, Mr. Drummond.

All yours, Teddy.

- What do you think? - Oh...

It's amazing.

- Really? - Yeah.

But as your unofficial financial adviser,

I'm obligated to tell you that this ring is way out of your budget.

Relax.

Lisa's cool as hell. She knows who you are.

Lisa does not know who I am.

Lisa knows that I'm a successful barbecue salesman.

Marvin knows that Teddy's a high school dropout

who's living paycheck to paycheck

'cause I'm with a woman that's way above my weight class.

Your life is built on a financial house of cards.

- Stop it. - The Porsche, the duplex.

What are you trying to prove?

Plus, every single time we go out, she offers to pay for the check.

The day that I let her put down her plastic

is the day that I lose her.

- And you know that. - I don't know why I was so nervous.

It's come together.

- Hey. - Hi.

Lisa.

Hi.

Dude, Lisa's the best thing that ever happened to me.

I don't wanna mess this one up, man.

- I told them. - He did.

- He actually said that. - Ooh!

- Some dessert. - That looks amazing.

- Wow. Thank you. - Wow.

Chef Clemont also said that there will be no check.

This is all on him.

Wow.

I knew he would try this.

You know what? Tell him I appreciate it, but I insist on paying.

- Okay. - Okay, well, just wait.

Well, hold on now, honey.

Honey, you don't want to offend him. You're his guest, right?

Trust me, you never take a free meal from a client.

That way, you don't owe them anything.

That's true.

- Thank you, Lisa. Appreciate it. - You know.

- Whenever you're ready. - Thank you.

You know what then, baby? If that's the case, then let me...

No. Baby, this is my thing. There's, like, eight of us. I got it.

You can probably write it off, right? Yes.

I didn't think about that. It is a business expense. Okay.

- Come on. - Wait, wait. Hold up, Lis.

It is a business expense, but, Lis,

it's clear that Teddy really wants to treat.

We're out here celebrating you. Let him.

Right, Teddy?

- Yes. - Wow.

Yes.