The Stress is Killing Me

Kiki!

Kiki, slow down! You're gonna hit something!

Kiki!

-I don't drive much in DC. -Oh, really? I'm shocked.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

What's the matter?

I haven't seen him in 20 years, that's what's the matter.

Do I look old? Like, too old?

You are too old.

Thanks.

We all are. It happens.

Oh, my God. Look at me.

- What are you worried about? - 20 years.

Okay, it's been 20 years for him too, you know.

And anyway, I thought you wanted to see him.

I do. But I don't. Oh, God, I don't even know.

Come on. It's gonna be fun.

Like, what about everybody else?

Oh, crap. Let's just do this.

Oh-- Kiki. Kiki, wait!

For fuck's sake. Wait, Kiki!

Ow!

Oh, my God. I'm all right. I'm all right.

-I just can't, you know, breathe. -Kiki. Kiki.

Kiki. Kiki.

You're a trial attorney.

For God's sake, pull yourself together.

May I remind you, you're the one that broke up with him.

I know. Look where that got me.

Where? Where has that got you?

What, no! No smoking. Kiki!

Is there anywhere in the world where you can smoke a fucking cigarette anymore?

God. Kiki, wait.

Wow. See anybody that we, you know, know?

Hmm. I don't see anybody.

Oh, God.

-What? -It's him.

-Where? -Over there.

Hmm. Doing shots.

Some things never change.

-Let's go say hi. -I can't. I can't.

I'm breathing. I'm breathing. I-- Oh, fuck.

-I can't. I can't. I can't. -Well, you better start, because he's walking over.

-Now? -Yeah. Uh-huh.

- Jason. - Kiki. How are you?

I know-- I didn't know you were gonna be here.

Wow. You-- you look amazing.

No, I don't, but... ...if you say so.

-Really. Marcie! Wow! -Hey! Jason!

Hey, good to see you.

You look amazing too.

Oh, I-- You know, I lost ten pounds for this.

-So did I. -Really?

-No. -Oh. Okay.

You look like you've been working out.

Anybody else here we know?

Uh, yeah. Uh, Todd and Sue are here somewhere. Oh!

Wait, wait. Are-- are they still married?

- Last time I checked. - Okay.

- Three kids. - Should we go say hi?

- Come on. Look who I found! - Hey!

You look amazing.

Oh, loaded up, I see.

-Save some for the rest of us? -Awesome food!

Come grab a plate, you guys. We're right over here.

-Yeah, we will. Won't we? -Okay. Sure, yeah. Okay.

-Thank you. -Yeah.

Hi--

Paul Tilden. Class of 2002.

Sorry, I guess we're all class of '02.

That's why we're here.

Well, well.

-Donna! -Will!

Or should I say "Doctor"?

You could. But Donna's okay.

I'm just kidding. How are you doing?

Little older, but thanks for asking.

I hear you own a restaurant.

-Five. -Five!

- I own five restaurants, but who's counting?

- What? - Can I have this dance?

- Stop. - Come on.

- Come on! - Fine, fine, fine.

-You look good. -What?

I said you look good.

Sorry!

I said, are you married?

Well, we all made it.

Just like we said we would.

-The 20th. -On graduation day, we said...

"See you at the 20th."

-I don't remember that. -Here we are.

How did you all get away? I had a hell of a time.

Ugh, so did I. Natural nails gotta get done seven days a week.

You own a nail salon?

- Do you need a non-toxic manicure?

Yes, he does.

-Sorry, gotta take this. -Whoa.

So she's a lawyer?

A big one, in DC.

So what about you, Jase? What do you do?

Fuck with people's heads.

He's in advertising.

- Ahh. -Ah, see, now that's what people say.

When you say you're in advertising, they say "Ahh,"

which means they think you lie for a living.

Hey, Todd. So you're an accountant?

Yeah.

-I cheat on my taxes. -Then I'm your guy.

Oh, come on. It isn't bad as all that, is it, Dave?

Sorry. Can't turn it off.

-But you like it, though? -What?

Oh, being a lawyer? No, not really.

But you make a shitload of money.

Yeah, well, there is that, so.

Well, uh, gang, looks like we're wrapping up here.

-Yeah. -Well, it's been fun.

It's been so good to see everybody.

Babe.

Oh, hold on, hold on.

So, we have an idea.

Yes?

So, we didn't come all this way not to see each other, right?

- Right. -As you all know, I'm the alum rep.

Yes, we know.

- And I organized this event. - Yes, we are aware.

-Put out all the food. -And the food was "eh."

And I rented this house.

-You rented this house? -Yes.

Anyway, we got it. For the week!

So maybe why don't y'all, you know, stay here?

Stay here?

Yeah, we got a crapload of bedrooms.

I mean, some of you may have to bunk together, but we got room.

I did take the week off.

-Been working remote. -Yes!

We got a hotel.

But nobody says you gotta stay there.

Come on, you guys. We haven't all been together in years.

Well...

Okay. I'm in.

Oh!

Me too, I guess. Yeah, sure, why not?

-Yeah, I'm down. -Who needs a hotel?

-We do. -I'll stay.

If that's okay?

Well, I'm going to the hotel.

Well, if you change your mind...

I won't, but thanks.

So, great. The rest of us are staying?

-Yeah. -Yeah.

-Twenty years! -The Lobos!

Give me the keys.

Sorry. You can't.

You're not listed as a driver. You know, liability.

Oh, yeah, I forgot. You're a lawyer.

-Marcie! -So what am I supposed to do?

Stay. Just stay.

I thought we were gonna sit up all night

and drink white wine and talk about relationships.

We can do that here.

-You just wanna be with Jason. -Maybe.

He's still kind of cute though, don't you think?

Kinda.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay, so I've already done the room assignments,

if y'all just follow me up here.

Okay. Here you go.

It's better than a hotel, right?

And you get to be roomies.

No offense, but I was really hoping for my own room.

Oh, I don't snore. I promise.

You're a doctor. You're used to other people's bodies. I'm not.

Well, make yourselves at home.

-Thank you, Sue. -Thanks.

Why don't you take the big bed? You're a doctor.

-Oh, um, that's okay. Why don't-- -Okay, great. Thank you.

It's firm. I like that.

That pink is really flattering on you. The sheets.

Yeah. No, that's-- this is great.

This is like a little vacation. A little-- little nook.

So how's this, guys?

It's better than our old dorm room.

Smells better, anyways.

This is me.

How do you--

Gonna just have to--

Hey, the restaurateur. You wanna take over?

Hardly.

I don't cook.

-You don't cook? -And you own a restaurant?

Five, actually.

Huh.

So what do you do when a chef quits?

Get this--

Oh, God!

-And you... -So I take the mushrooms and the onions and I add 'em together,

and then I pound the fuck out of the chicken, like this.

Yeah.

Put some strength into it!